"We live as three beings in one, as does the mind, body and soul, so does the Father, Son and Holy Ghost"

I've come to realise what power the mind and soul has over the body. One February morning 2 years ago I woke up with an intense pain in my abdomen. I remember practically crawling down the 3 flights of stairs to the Eton Hall dining hall for breakfast, and then things got abit blurry. There was a flurry of people telling me not to go to school... someone called the matron... and most poignant of all I remember Anthony telling me that I could not possibly even think of going for my first ODAC Basic Training Camp which was that very day! I was rushed to the polyclinic only to be told by the doctor that I had a viral gastric flu, a nasty little thing that had been making its rounds. I protested to the doctor that I had been eating right (actually eating more than necessary) and I had been exercising tons (think: PT! PT! PT!) and he grinned and told me not to rule out emotional stress! And he was right! I was emotionally and mentally freaked out about BTC. I was so afraid of not being able to survive BTC that it could have been possible that I had made myself sick. (Losing my student card and stuff had NOTHING to do with my emotional stability at that time!)

Last night I recognised the signs of viral gastric flu again. As I tossed and turned in bad trying to coax the pain away, I started to wonder if I am either a) very susceptible to viral gastric flu since this is the third time it has happen or b) scared to death of the new life I'm about to become a part of in just a few days.

I said this before I left for Singapore and everyone laughed, but nothing has changed:

"I'm scared of meeting new people! Really, I am! I'm afraid they won't like me. I'm afraid I won't fit in! I'm afraid I'll fall short of expectations! I'm afraid of not finding good friends! I'm afraid of being left out and I'm afraid of the person I might become!"

But 4 years from now, I want to be able to look back and say that it was a great adventure. Mind over matter...

I feel so completely assaulted! Today I was poked, pinched, prodded and plucked like the kampung chickens at the market... and I swear after the beautician was through with me I made a sacred vow to myself to never ever allow even the tiniest pore on my face to become clogged... lest my mummy drags me to a beautician again to have every blemish on my face removed. If just going through a routine facial is THIS agonising, I cannot imagine what kind of horror genre plastic surgery falls under. I think I nearly reached a state of nirvana while silently meditating "No beauty without pain..." and trying not to pass out.

Isn't it funny how loneliness can become so poignant, the more company you see? Everyone's crowding around me, but when I reach out my hand, the one I want to hold on to isn't there and I feel it even more. Words provide some comfort. The sound of a voice helps to bridge the distance. But ultimately... he's not there. And I think I'm numb to it, until I walk past other happy couples, and then the sound of silence seems so loud, the void so tangible... I want to scowl at all those couples, and scream and say "It's not fair! I hate you for being together! For being physically together! You can hug him! You can kiss her! And you can look each other in the eye and read the expressions on their face! And you don't know how much all that means... until it's taken away! ".

I'm so bored, I'm gonna answer friday fives in the wee hours of wednesday morning!

1. Is the name you have now the same name that's on your birth certificate? If not, what's changed?
I assume it's the same. God forbid there should be an extra L or a T less somewhere. But it doesn't really matter how my name is spelt does it? Malaysian Ignoramuses will still screw it up!

2. If you could change your name (first, middle and/or last), what would it be?
I'd change my first name! Till now I cannot understand why anyone in their right mind would name their kid Charlotte! It's odd (well, in Malaysia it is), unfeminine and completely unromantic! If I had a choice I'd have a simple, no fuss name, that is pronounced the way it's spelt! But I have to admit, I do love my name when it becomes a good conversation piece (people sometimes take up to 10 minutes trying to get my name right) and when teachers avoid calling on me in class because its embarassing not being able to pronounce my name!
I like my surname though. It's rare! And it's a funny name. I like my Chinese name. I usually get less "Say your name again, can?" when I introduce myself as Shu Chen.

3. Why were you named what you were? (Is there a story behind it? Who specifically was responsible for naming you?)
I am NOT named after the basketball team. I was named after the English author, Charlotte Bronte in the hope that I would evolve into the strong willed and determined heroines in all her books. I'm utterly convinced that they all led bitter, depressing lives full of unrequited love (except at the end which always has some happy but tragic conclusion).

4. Are there any names you really hate or love? What are they and why?
*cough* Any names I hate? *cough* That would be politically incorrect of me. Names I love? If you're a nice person I like your name (unless you are xiaokai).

5. Is the analysis of your name at kabalarians.com / triggur.org / astroexpert accurate? How or how isn't it?
No it isn't. And it sucks!


Speaking of names, this reminds me of a really hilarious story I heard. You see, in the old days, when a child was born in a kampung, naturally the parents would go to the Birth Registry to obtain the oh-so-important birth certificate. They would tell the counter guy the kid's carefully chosen name and the counter guy would write it down and do the necessary slow official procedures. Well, a friend of my friend's friend (we all have one of those, don't we?) was given the name Burunthiran by his proud parents. Being the responsible parents they were, they went to the Birth registry to record the birth of one more Malaysian... and in that joyous occasion, the counter guy printed the name Bulan Terang (Bright Moon) on the kid's birth certificate! Now it'd have been an awfully poetic name, if the poor Indian kid didn't happen to be as dark as night! (Must be related to Jere!).

--------------------------------------------

Countdown t = 8 days
Weight of baggage is now equivalent to that of baby elephant!

The Lizzie Mcguire Movie Official Website has a banner at the bottom that says:
PARENTAL GUIDANCE SUGGESTED
Some Material May Be Inappropriate for Children

Huh?

Song in my head:
You're the one that I want
Ooh ooh ooh, honey
The one that I want
Ooh ooh ooh, honey
(repeat ad infinitum, ad nauseum)

Finally watched Grease, which has been on my must watch list for a decade. I now realise my high school days were relatively boring. JC days were more exciting, but if I had to sterotype my high school self, I'd come under the classification of nerd!

Question. How come romantic summer flings never happen in real life?

**Hums to self**
Summer fling don't mean a thing
But uh-oh those summer nights...

My life as an engineer is starting to look bleak. What's even more demoralising is the fact that this was sent to me by an engineer, very much acknowledging the fact so:

==========================================
Comprehending Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a Beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes wouldn't have fit anyway."

****************************************************************

Comprehending Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

******************************************************************

Comprehending Engineers -Take Three
A pastor, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting
for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude". The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."
"Hi John. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment. Then the pastor said, "That's! so sad I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact myophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer, after much thought said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"


**********************************************************************

Comprehending Engineers -Take Four
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons; Civil Engineers build targets.

******************************************************************

Comprehending Engineers -Take Five
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

*******************************************************

Comprehending Engineers -Take Six
"Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."

***********************************************************************

Comprehending Engineers -Take Seven
An architect, an artist, and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with a wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" "Yeah," replied the engineer. "If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."

***********************************************************************

Comprehending Engineers - Take Eight
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want.
Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a TALKING frog, now that's cool!

===============================================================

Oosh! Everyone's leaving again. Phones are a-ringing, friends are a-calling and then friends are a-leaving. Does anyone ever feel that everyone is making promises we're never going to keep?

On Thursday I said : "Sure, I'll send her off"
On Friday its : "I don't think I can make it"
On Saturday its : "I promise if I don't send you off, I'll use the 50 ringgit it takes to get to KLIA to visit you in Sheffield... at least once!"

The guilty feelings start to form, but I'm still sitting here doing nothing about it.

---------------------------

Countdown t=12 days
It's like counting down to Christmas, but without knowing whats beyond the horizon.

One bitch is all you need to mess up your day. Wait, not just my day... my entire spotless driving track record! At this very moment, lying on the dining table is a ticket for illegal parking that is pending judgement (my mum isn't home yet). So I double parked behind her dimunitive white kancil. She could have horned! She could have asked the security guards to get my attention. But NO! Being the bitch she is, she gets an MPPJ officer to stick a ticket beneath my windscreen wipers with a fine of RM50 which I most likely will never pay.

But to be entirely honest... I would have done the same thing.
But I would have horned first.

I'm back. Back from the land that produced Asam Laksa. God bless Penang!

Everytime I go back to Penang, I feel like I've just stepped 20 years back in time. The whole illusion is assisted by the fact that I stay in my grandparent's old mansion which has a main facade that hasn't changed since colonial times. Trishaw pullers still try to run you over when you step out of your gates into the chaotic 'pasar' that is Georgetown. I like the fact that the roads still have names like Cantonment Road or Vermont Road or Bangkok Lane, like each one has a story to tell unlike the impersonal 'Jalan SS3/88' and so on. I find it so cute that they still use manual parking ticket systems (i.e. parking attendants with the carbon copy tickets) and that their newest shopping malls are comparable to Sungai Wang Plaza and don't have directories on every floor.

I think this is what happens when Cosmopolitan KL girls travel out of the city.

Reasons why life is good:

1. I'm getting 3 free lunches in 3 days! (Wed: Secret Recipe Lunch on Li Ling, Thurs: Lobster Lunch on lovely department supervisors and American visitor with limitless credit card, Fri: Department lunch some where expensive on big big boss from Motorola America)
2. On your last day of work, everyone is incredibly nice to you and instantly forgets that you took leave to visit your boyfriend on the day when they needed you most!
3. Boss told me to write own recommendation letter, and didn't even bother to correct all egotistical and immodest self praises
4. Discovered lovely lovely P2P telephony (Skype) so can make free phonecalls to mummy, boyfriend and friends anywhere in the world on very clear connections thus saving on many many IDD cards. But first must convince mummy that broadband is really worth it.

-----------------------------------

Countdown: t = 20 days
I haven't packed! I haven't packed! I haven't packed!
And tommorow I am heading up to the Pearl of the Orient (Penang lah!) to visit grandpa and grandma and get my last fill of the BEST Malaysian food!
I'll be back on Wednesday. Promise to attend all gatherings, free lunches and mamak sessions after that!

----------------------------------

[very belated edit]
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUN LING!!! *Hugs* I'm so glad you can't be angry with me long over something small like forgetting your birthday... ok, I'm kidding!

As requested by Jason, I'm passing this on:

The Boy Who Cried Iraq

I'm really looking for trouble but I'll go ahead with this anyway:

ANU BABU!!! NAH! I SCANNED THE SWENSONS PHOTO AFTER A MONTH OF LISTENING TO YOUR SCOLDINGS OF PANDI KUTTY AND MONKEYS AND PIGS! JUST FOR TWO PHOTOS? WELL SINCE YOU'VE MADE IT THIS FAR, GO AHEAD AND CLICK ON THE "Highlights and Lowlights of 2003" LINK! GEEZ... I SHOULD HAVE KEPT THE PHOTOS EVEN LONGER AND GIVEN THEM TO YOU FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY NEXT YEAR SINCE YOU WANTED TO SEE THEM SO DESPERATELY

S.W.A.T. : A verdict
Even cops dial 911. I wonder why.
So much for a movie about the Special Weapons and Tactics branch of the American Police Force (which has never been impressive since the emergence of NYPD blue and the significance of doughnuts). Special weapons? Sorry, I come from a culture that has been desensitized by Pierce Brosnan's James Bond and Terminator 3, so I remain unfazed. (Besides here in the orient we have our own special weapon. We call it Jacky Chan). And special tactics? The only special tactic this movie had was featuring the delectable Colin Farrell. However, to be perfectly honest I cannot really judge the tactics in this movie because halfway through I fell asleep. This is essentially a guy movie. I am essentially all girl!

Pirates of the Carribean: A verdict
Pirates can be summed up in one word: Johnny Depp. Oops, that's two words.
Johnny Depp's Captain (that's an important title, don't forget it!) Jack Sparrow stirs the Wendy Darling (or John or Michael if you insist) in anyone who's willing to let your imagination soar for approximately 2 hours and play pretend. It doesn't matter that Orlando Bloom doesn't know any better and can only look pretty, it doesn't matter that Keira Knightly looks and sounds too 21st century to be believable. All that matters is Johnny Depp (and a spectacular Geoffrey Rush) and the replacement of the usual swearing sailor's parrot with a ghoulish monkey.

My latest cure for insomnia: watching football!!

zzzzzzz........


Happy Merdeka Day!

// much later edit (was too sleepy earlier to blog anything coherant)//
I don't know what it is about me and football. 15 minutes into the Man U vs SouthHam game and I cannot distinguish either team. 20 minutes later I'm fighting a losing battle trying not to fall asleep in front of Greg's brothers and dad who are glued to the telly screen. During half time I instantly wake up and try to convince Greg that it's not that football isn't interesting but neither team is scoring and how much fun can it be to see the ball pass backwards and forwards without really going anywhere? Second half of the game and I'm fast asleep, until Greg wakes me up and tells me to go do something else. I come back just in time to see SouthHam take a corner kick and score. Greg cringes in horror and I wonder if I just am a bad omen to football.

Gone for the weekend... maybe might bump into Jilly along Orchard Road... haha! Watch out, Jilly!

Yes, I'll remember to bring your shoes, Charm!

It's fun mucking up a language. Especially if it's your national language. Today we were given kelas tambahan (extra classes) in Bahasa Pasar (colloquail Malay) by our great guru: Zul!

Ever noticed how the typical Chinese speaks Malay? We have a natural tendency to speak in Bahasa Baku (erm... the purest form of Malay... I can't translate it!) or as Zul puts it "You ingat you baca buku teks BM ke?" (You think you're reading a BM text book ar?). "BagaimaNA puLA..." he continues with a train of words ending with 'A' mocking Li Ling. So Li Ling conterattacks : "So, kalau puLA cakap puLE, haNYA cakap haNYE.... jadi makan cakap maken ye?". It's not long more before Li Ling comes up with more questions for Cikgu Zul: "Eh, proton WiRA atau proton WiREH? Kenapa bukan WiREH? Kan belakang tu huruf 'A'?" Poor flabbergasted Zul finally comes up with an answer "Nama khas tak boleh lah...", but Li Ling isn't easily beaten: "Tapi boLA tak cakap boLE... bukannye mereka main BoLe Sepek ke?". Zul ignores her by correcting another mistake "Orang Melayu tak kata mereka lah. Kita kata diorang. Kalau 'you all' kita kata korang". Li Ling's getting slightly confused by now so she asks, "So, kita jadi kitrang ke?". Zul smacks his forehead,"No, no! Kita orang jadi kita orang lah... bukan kitrang!!" but its too late... the bug has caught on and we start shortening all sort of words "makan jadi man lah..." Zul tries to steer us away from the craziness by teaching us Bahasa Terengganu ("kalau 'an' kena tambah 'g' kat belakang, jadi makan diorang kata makang") and Bahasa Kedah Utara ("... air diorang kata ayer... macam kena picit hidung baru boleh cakap").

I think the engineering office and cafeteria has never heard this much wild laughter before!

Somedays I really wonder if I'm just part of an elaborate joke. Dear Lord, You must have a really good sense of humour judging by the shocks You put me through everyday, Amen!

Early this morning I unassumingly walked right into a lunch treat given by my boss for all the engineers who had toiled for weeks on the Low K project. I cannot for the love of apple strudels remember what I contributed to the project, however I wasn't going to pass up a free lunch at Sheraton hotel just because I was vaguely (ok, extremely) doubtful that I had lifted a finger for the Low K project at all!

I was on my way to the cafeteria to tell Li Ling and Kavi about my third office lunch treat since I started working here when I got side tracked by one of the young fresh grads working as a permanent staff in the supply management department... and got asked out to lunch on saturday! "Erm, sorry... I won't be free this Saturday. Really busy trying to grow up first, you know?"
OK, I didn't really say that... just in my head, but when someone more than 5 years my senior is asking me out to lunch I hear warning bells, alarm bells, ambulance sirens and my mother nagging me (actually I hear that all the time!) from all angles. Creepy!

Comical situations can arise while hunting for a car in Sunway Pyramid's carpark:

"Li Ling, are you sure this is the right floor?"
"Yeah... I remember seeing Bumcity when we entered!"
"Why don't you just press your remote and see which car beeps?"
"My remote doesn't work"
"Ok... what's your car number?"
"Er... I don't remember..."
"WHAT? How can you not know your own car number????"
"Oh! Yeah... I think it's 3151"
"Li Ling... that's MY car number"
"Oh yeah hor..."
"Is it that car over there?"
"No... my car isn't white"
*whispers* "How can she be sure when she doesn't even remember her car number?"
"Oh... I think my number is 6833"
"Maybe it's the next floor"
**3 trainees hurriedly clamber up another flight of stairs, already 15 minutes late after lunch**
"This is the third floor we're checking... it'd better be right"
"Eh, here! I found my car... see I told you it's 6833!"
"Yay... lets go!"
"Oi... wait... this is not my car..."
"But it IS 6833... oh yeah, it's not your car... my bag isn't inside"
"Here-lah... your car is over here!"
"Wow! What are the chances of finding two cars with the numbers 6833 in the same parking lot?"
"Have we got the right car this time?"

**REQUESTS**

Does anyone have a Windows XP Professional installation software that I can borrow? (beg? steal?). Please?

The Imperial College Union Malaysian Society Fresher's Reception is a mouthful to say and was held at Equatorial Hotel today. (Do all Equatorial Hotels sit right on the Equator? Or is it just false advertising?)
I have this great fear of being alone at social functions and creating horrifying social faux pas without my loyal (but few) friends to quickly cover up for me and whisper to everyone "Oh, you know, that's Charl... she's slightly mental but nice when you get to know her... if you dare". I am relieved to say that I did not make any horrifying social faux pas today. The only *blush* moment occured when I was standing at the podium during the round of introductions and said the magic words: "... and I'm from Raffles Junior College, Singapore". All of a sudden there was a stir and a mumur of "ooos" and "ohs" passing through the room, and from that moment hence forth I am now 'the one from RJ'.
Meeting new people who are going to be a part of your life for the next 4 years is a make or break situation. In those few hours you've already summed up who you can relate to and who you cannot stand to be in the same room with. I DO hope my first impressions today are right. They usually aren't.

----------------------------

I've finally figured out that straight, sleek, tame hair is just not me. After receiving the four-way-style-to-go (straightener and crimper) from Vidal Sassoon, my hair is now a big mass of waves and little curls. Greg would be so proud. (TLY! I know what you're going to say so you don't need to say it!!)

I'll be arriving in Singapore on the 29th of August at approximately 1230 hours. I will be leaving Singapore on the 1st of September at 1300 hours. In other words I'll be spending Merdeka day (National day) in our closest rival country. I applaud my own patroitism.

Yesterday... (after telling Grace my Econs results)

Grace: HAHAHA honey, this means... that you're really an arts student at heart.
Me: no! no! no! i'm a science student... i really am! *sniffle*
Grace: *pat pat* there there.... it's all right, you can come out of the closet now you know

-----------------

Am currently browsing through my Freshers' Handbook. It says I'm allowed to study a humanities subject as a credit-bearing component of my degree programme at Imperial. I'm now stuck in a rut. There's an amazing range of musical activities... but I'm not very confident of my music skills anymore. My piano no longer sings... it sulks! - its own way of punishing me for not practising over the past 2 years.
There's a visual arts programme which includes artist-in-residence projects... Yay! That means all year round displays from visiting and residential artists. Yippee!
And then there's the Humanities Programme. I want to take modern literature and drama as one elective, but someone has got to help me decide between philosophy, art and nature and creative writing. Help?
And best of all I can take evening classes in a foreign language. Will probably give French a go again. Maybe brush up on my Mandarin too (going all the way to London to learn Mandarin must be the daftest thing anyone can possibly do... but doing daft things is fast becoming a trademark of mine).
So much to think about before I leave... a penny for my thoughts, anyone?

Happiness is always short lived. This morning I stepped into the office with a big smile on my face. Now I'm slowly counting down the minutes till 5:30pm (19 more to go) while hiding in my office cubicle trying to remain as invisible as possible. Meanwhile (I suspect) some rather angry operators some 700 metres away in the production line are looking high and low for me.

Sigh...

I really didn't mean to break the wedge on the ball shear machine. I am very very aware (I was reminded at least 3 times last week) that it costs USD 200 to replace the damn little wedge (which measures less than a cm in height and less than 5 mm in width). And I really did not cause the die to crack on purpose thus chipping the wedge which now cannot be used anymore thus rendering the entire machine unusable. *sniffle*

However, when I mentioned this to my engineer supervisors, I merely received a shrug of shoulders and anecdotes on the many times *they* had spoilt the machine, (and not just on one occasion). The engineers' nonchalence is not helping to soothe the operators' anger though... they are still grumbling at me for the broken link in the production process...

I got this in the mail today:

Statement of Results
Candidate Name: CHARLOTTE YEOW SHU CHEN

GCE AS & A Level
Syllabus: 9708
Syllabus Title: Economics
Qualification: Advanced Level
Result: A(a)

*Big Grin*

Dammit Charm, I owe you a treat now!

They say that if you have an infinite number of monkeys typing at an infinite number of keyboards for an infinite period of time, you will get the collected works of Shakespeare.

If you want the source code to Microsoft Windows, you need to add more monkeys.

The office is so very quiet on Monday mornings... so quiet that the sound of my sneakers shuffling on the carpet as I stoll in, 5 minutes late, is unusually and embarassingly defeaning. You can just about see little grey clouds hanging over everyone's head with the words "Blardy ******* Monday!" flashing in dim neon lights with a few missing bulbs. I'm very careful to tread lightly around the cubicles of my supervisors on Mondays (not to mention around my supervisors themselves). No one wants to be the victim of Monday massacres.

-------------------------------

I like singing... when nobody is listening. I sing in the bath, I sing with my radio blasting so no one can hear me and I even sing when I'm working in the factory line (the machines are so noisy you'd have to shout before someone even notices you're trying to catch their attention and besides, singing helps me to pass the time while doing mechanical tasks). Lately I've taken to singing in the car when I'm driving (alone!!). I've noticed that this elicits weird stares from other drivers (but why the heck are they looking into my car in the first place? Traffic lights are not stop-and-check-what-the-driver-next-to-you-is-doing zones!).
Seeing that drivers next to me are always checking me out, I decided to check out what other drivers were doing. Here's what I've noticed: The majority of middle-aged, working-class drivers who are alone in their cars usually stare blankly out of their windscreens, eerily resembling zombies. I dare say they hardly blink. They look as if their minds have gotten up and wandered off, leaving their soul-less shells to drive their cars on auto pilot (go straight, if read red light : stop, else if read green light: go, else if read police: slow down, check that seat belt is on and road tax has been paid).
Now if there is more than one person in the car, the driver is noticeably more alive. Two women drivers are always giggling and more often than not, their eyes are not on the road (I have personally seen this for myself when Jun Ling actually turned around to talk to the few of us seated in the back seat while driving. I appreciate the fact that we are still alive). If it's two guys however, it's just plain dangerous. Guys tend to become aggressive in packs. They honk at me, they overtake me at fatal speeds and they edge their flashy cars right up next to mine and give me dirty looks when I'm taking too long at a junction (I can just about hear them cursing "woman driver!"). I nonchalently retaliate by edging my car ahead of theirs and taking my time to infuriate them more... which my mother says is going to get me pounded to pulp one day. If they are not the type who are bitching to each other about the lousy woman driver in front... then they are flicking their hair and adjusting their shades and if they are in their twenties, they give their best shots at looking debonair-ish... or if they are in their forties they sport the air of datuks or tan sris (this helps if they are driving the latest BMWs and are trying to bump my little Waja out of the way).
One last leetle teensy fact I've noticed that is possibly of no importance to anybody is that, I've never caught anyone singing! I'm not going to start a support group, but honestly don't you think singing would just brighten up everyone's day... even if you're stuck in a traffic jam on the LDP that moves an inch every 10 minutes. Then, perhaps everyone will stop staring at me bopping my head while singing along to Hitz.fm in my car.

Observations made while shopping for jeans
1. It is possible to find decent looking jeans for less than RM 50 *glee*
2. It is delusional to think that you can fit into a size 26 *wail*
3. It is not sinful to buy 4 pairs of jeans in one day *living in denial*

5 hours of shopping has produced 4 pairs of jeans, 2 denim skirts, a sweater, 2 pairs of earrings and a new found determination to fit into size 27 jeans by Christmas. Note to self: Avoid all potatoes in London... even if they hold you at gun point.

Everyone's talking about leaving, about leading new lives, about chasing new dreams.
Me? I already left.... 2 years and 8 months ago.

I left home without realising it. When you're not yet 18 and you're packing your precious things (a rosary for my bedside, colour pencils for my desk, a photo of my cousin and myself staring cheekily out of 5 year old faces) to be moved temporarily to a new room in a place you don't know yet, you don't realise that they'll never be returned to their old dusty spots in your home again... they'll always be in and out of suitcases, in different rooms and different places, and in 2 months time... different countries. They'll never come home.

And neither will I... I am home, yet I'm not home. This is not the same place that I left behind one cold January morning. This is not the room within which I built my cosy sanctuary, entertained my dreams or hid from the world. The walls have forgotten me. The floor feels cold and polite. I'm merely a guest... biding my time till I leave again. I don't really belong here anymore.

Then where do I belong?

Today is my little sister's birthday. I woke her up this morning at the unearthly hour of 7am and said "Happy Birthday Bambino!" for which she grunted and tried to hit me in the face before rolling over and drifting back to sleep.
Maybe it's the surly teen in her surfacing through. She turns 13 today.

In other news:
An NUS proffesor (vice dean of the engineering faculty) was slashed to death yesterday... and it was only the second week of term! He was a Malaysian (they mostly are...) what a loss to both our countries.

*MARS WATCH*

If you are still awake tonight, go take a look at the moon. See the little red dot next to it? That's Mars! Dazzling isn't it? Even the full moon can't outshine it. Keep a watch on Mars from now till the 27th. Trust me, you don't want to miss this!

Monday night was the 15th day of the 7th month of the Chinese Calender. During the 7th month, I always try to make it home before sunset because I am *gasp* extremely superstitious. Say what you like about having a strong hold on my Christian beliefs and science-based explanations. I will not take any chances at crossing paths with visitors on a one month holiday from the underworld. So I'm sorry for all yum chas and night outings I'll have to postpone until the 7th month is well and truly over.

On a cheerier (is that word valid?) note... NEW PICS! Go take a look. Don't scrutinise my face. The pimples are simply devastating!

courtesy of Graffiti (c) 2003 UNITED FEATURE SYNDICATE, Inc.

"A theory is a hunch with a college education"

Hah! Now I can glare at my most despised Quantum Theory with disdain!! *glare*

Talk about failed objectives. Yesterday I made a resolution to walk into Mid Valley and come out with a pair of jeans.
Yesterday I walked into Mid Valley, got stuck in the lingerie section of Jaya Jusco for half an hour, browsed through Lewre shoes, raided entire Metro Jaya (which in my opinion is the best place to get some peaceful yet extensive shopping done), made a quick dash into Quicksilver, detoured to Salabianca, MNG and finally Urban & Co. (the clothes on sale were the same ones on sale 2 months ago, ditto for Sommerset Bay... so what's the deal about the Mega Sales? Is it some goverment herd-mentality experiment scheme?).
Came home sans jeans.
Am now considering losing some fat before even thinking of buying jeans!

At the rate Motorola is making me fast-walk around the plant, I might lose that fat sooner than I think! This morning alone I must have walked a total of 3km while searching for an operator who was searching for me. In this age of modern telecommunication, you can't imagine how difficult it is to contact someone who's in the same building as you!

Malaysia's Mega Carnival Sales are overrated. Seriously!

Nothing that's on sale is really worth buying. All the good stuff is not even displayed. And when you think about it... what's the point in spending more than a hundred bucks before a 25% discount becomes effective??

I still spent 5 hours shopping at KLCC though. Don't ask!

The Motorola Trainee's Week: Continued

Wednesday
"It's the middle of the week! It's the middle of the week!"
Kavi is only restrained from dancing around the line by the constrictions of the smock
"What's he got to be so happy about?"
"Soo San's on leave..."
"He's not the only one with a supervisor who's on leave. Vivien and Fong strolled in at 9 this morning!!!"
Kavi returns with a downcast look and a megazine of substrates
"She's not on leave after all" *mutters* "BIG project she said... very important, Kavi... a major responsibility she said... and what am I doing now? Wire peel and Wire pull tests! 30 test per unit! 20 units per megazine!" *breaks down and cries on the wire pull machine*
Li Ling shrugs "At least you're not searching for foreign matter on the dies"
"Weren't you all ready to confront Soo San on giving you mind-numbing operator type jobs?"
"Have YOU ever SEEN her? I've been her trainee for a month and I've never seen her SMILE!"
*mutters* "and I bet she eats little children for breakfast too"

Thursday
"We've been in the cafeteria for an hour!"
"Who cares? Your supervisor won't miss you"
"But break is only 20 minutes"
"Oh really..."
Fong returns from his 4th trip to the food line
"Haiyah, it takes 10 minutes to walk from office to cafeteria and 10 minutes to walk back. Lidat, 20 minutes gone already!"
"Oh my gosh!! There's foreign matter in my guava!!"
"Relax Li Ling... relax! Foreign matter only occurs on dies ok... only on the dies..."
"psst... they're really killing her spirit aren't they?"

Friday
Trainees are walking with little springs attached to their shoes
Everyone is working with a noticeable increase in efficiency... no one is puking because of the scopes
"9 more hours to the weekend! Can you feel it? Can you just feel it?"
"I don't care! Today I'm leaving at 5:30 sharp! I don't care if the ovens don't work! I am Going Home!"
"What if Dom needs you to stay?"
"He's a grown man... he can take care of himself!"
"Lets go for a 2 hour lunch break"
"But we already had a 2 hour lunch break yesterday... AND its not very discrete when 5 trainees leave the office together!"
"Why are you walking that way? The exit is here..."
"And so is my boss's office! I'm trying to avoid her! Duh!"
"Wow! It's 5:15 already? Hey! Where's everybody????"
Pin drop silence plays in the background...

** disclaimer **
All names mentioned are real, most situations and conversations are not (except for the part about the clocks standing still for eternity)...
Erm... and if anyone mentioned above chances upon my blog... I think all you trainees are great, and I wouldn't survive here without you guys and hey! I know I didn't exactly put in the whole truth, but I didn't really want to scare any future Motorola trainees. =)

The Motorola Trainee's Week: From Bungee Jumping Into Hell and Back Again...

Monday
A blood curdling scream fills the air.
"It's the damned ovens! They're using it for production! I'll never get to use them! My precious ovens! ... my precious..."
"psst.... Li Ling's having Monday Daymares"
"AND nightmares... the ovens haunt her after sunset"
Kavi proudly produces his MC and medication
"Monday symptoms? AGAIN??"
"Hey! I it takes alot of effort to work for my MC ok?"
The hands of the office clock obstinately remain stationary (stationery? I can never get this right!)
"Huh?" wail "It's only 10:30?"
After an eternity
"What? It's only 10:35??"
"Save us the suspense, Charlotte"

Tuesday
"Is it Wednesday today?"
"Don't get our hopes up, Charlotte, it's only Tuesday"
"Damn!"
"Where were you during break?"
"I didn't get one! At 9:30 my supervisor said 'Lets go!' and instead of heading to the cafeteria, we went to the line! She tricked me! She did!"
"It's just not your day"
"WHEN is it MY day?"
"Never... and if I were you I wouldn't eat that second piece of chicken... haven't you got to use the scopes later?"
"Oh NO! I'm going to puke in the line if they make me use the scopes!"
"Well, that's the spirit! Contaminate the line and we'll all get half the day off!! Yay!"
Images of trainees doing a jig while I puke in the line runs through my head...

** shall finish this later... after I get inspiration from watching Li Ling wrestle the operators for the ovens... **

After 4 weeks of working as a trainee engineer I've decided that the best job for me is to be a data entry clerk. It's simple, it requires no creativity whatsoever and... I find keying in numericals rather therapeutic.

Working life is pushing me to the brink!

--------------------------------

I almost came close to believing that the significance of some friendships are inversely related to time. Years ago we could talk about anything under the sun. We shared problems and gave advice and shared hopes and secrets... then gradually the conversations began to lull, the meetings less frequent, the things we talked about became more trivial - along the lines of "so whats up?" "nothing much, u?" "i'm ok" "ok, that's good"... but last night I discovered some friendships are like sinusoidal waves... with crests and troughs (this is a very crappy analogy but it was the first one that came to mind... I DO NOT miss SHM!). Just when you think some friendships have reached rock bottom, you hear an excited voice on the other end... waiting to tell you the good news, the things that have been on their minds, the advice they need to hear, or just asking for a listening ear and shoulder to cry on. *Grin* want me to draw a friendship graph for you?

You needed a friend last night, I just needed to feel needed.

Am suffering from weekend hangover... thus resulting in Monday blues. I can never function properly on Mondays. I wake up wondering where the hell I am and what is that stupid ringing sound coming from my clock?? I then end up at the office thinking what a miracle it is that I didn't crash my car on the way and try to clear the fuzziness in my head with a cup of too-sweet milo. I can't take coffee... it does weird things to my entire system... which already goes bonkus on Mondays. The labs are too cold, the work is too monotonous, the powerscopes make me nauseous, the lamps are making me dizzy...

The trip down to Singapore was my great getaway from everything in KL. Odacia was fun. Meeting with batch mates, seniors, juniors, the ancient ones... you can't help feeling as if you never left RJ at all! It feels good to know that there are some things that are still constant even when everything around you is changing. Greg will still be showing off at the rock wall. Xinyi will still leave her things around for us to hide. Batch XVII girls will still find it difficult to get all five of us together for a girl photo. Certain people will still be making ngai zai jokes. Sarah will still be loud and on. Leroy will still be more energetic than the 9 batches after his. Batch XVII will still be trying to prove their worth on the floorball court (albeit we ARE getting old and out of touch, and I nearly died after only 2 minutes!).

Discovered that clubbing isn't my cup of tea, or coffee, hot chocolate... or even milo. Loud, wild, brazen scenes just aren't my thing... as Greg, Anu and Sugi rightly predicted. There really isn't any point in dressing up for it when nothing but white shows up under UV lights. I don't get house music at all... and well, there were reasons why my ballet teacher asked me to drop ballet, so dancing... or rather bopping to the beat... is just not for me either. Alcohol had absolutely no effect on me... felt as sober as when I woke up that morning... but that's probably because I didn't drink enough. Verdict? Clubbing is over-rated! I'll stick to my quiet little cafes, with my simple hot cocoa with gallons of whipped cream and tiramisu cakes! mmmmm....

Had more fun meeting up with the Charm, Sherene, Baa and Venki... who all had seriously interesting stories to tell. *ahem* Strange things are happening at NUS!

Some holidays feel so packed and yet too short... you never do get to do everything you want to do... If I could, I'd want to walk down every path on memory lane, just in case I never return again... but wishful thinking is a terrible fault of mine. I'll be back soon, I hope!

Going down to Singapore tomorrow. Will be back on Sunday. Need a break. Miss Odac. Too. Tired. To.

Utter...

Another...

Word.

Half my time at motorola is spent walking up and down the assembly line asking the operators, "Kak, kamu ada guna kerusi ini tak?".
For all the billions motorola earns, its almost cruel that they won't spend it on putting enough chairs at the assembly line and thus all workers will (I suspect) succumb to osteoporosis, spine degeneration and weak knees due to long, long hours of standing in front of machines! (I haven't even taken into account the effects of being in a confined environment where UV rays and chemical gases are being emitted 24 hours a day). The only answer the operators give me when I start to whine is "Adik, you pandai pandai lah jaga diri. Bila ada peluang mesti curi kerusi untuk sendiri..."

The working world has taught me the virtue of being sneaky and looking after my own interests first.

Ironically... today I have so much work to do that I even skipped morning break!
*rumbling stomach*

Yesterday's lost post:


my kite

i once wished for a kite
that would be twice my height
to fly away fly away in the sky
and i'd ride on my bike
as i pull its tail tight
and we'd fly with the wind by and by
now here in this room
sits unavoidable gloom
watching a kite fly away fly away in my mind
with my eyes shut close
i'll see on the tip of my nose
my kite and my bike
on a windy ride
leaving me far away far away behind

~ "spluttered outbursts" said the bored trainee at work

"some horrible news i just found out today"

"erm... the suicide case you mean?"

"i went back to sch today and read the grief in the cb..."

"oh gosh...was it someone close to the j2s?"

"oh you mean you don't know who??"

"no.. i just heard it was a girl. who was it?"

"you know... the one who dropped out (of odac) because of her nus talentime commitment...
the one who went to east timor...
the one who always wore a smile on her face...
the one who eventually joined council..."

"oh GAWD! not HER!!"


when you hear about tragedies like this you try to distance yourself from it... its just easy to think that it was some poor, stressed out girl who just couldn't cope with exam and/or peer pressures of RJ... and then you discover out of the blue... it was someone you knew... and the most unlikely person of all... and suddenly you feel a connection through those few times you spoke... to her... about her... you didn't really know her... but still you're connected by more than just belonging to the same college...
i remember greg saying he had a good feeling about you being an odacian... and i fought with greg about giving you a second chance... in the end, you proved me right... and you went on to the greenest pastures in college (student council)... and we never did forgive you for rejecting odac for it, although we couldn't really be angry because you had such a cheerful disposition... but what i felt so strongly a year and a half ago now seems so silly and petty... i'm sorry...
and i really wonder what could have pushed you so far to the edge that you had to take your own life. i guess it only proves that the smile on the exterior just plays mask to inner scars and you just never know...

I've been doing magic in the office.
Technically its illegal for muggles to perform any sort of magic, but I think the ministry of magic will let me go on this one (after all if we're talking about the MALAYSIAN ministry of magic here... it can't be that efficient... they'll probably send a warning to some poor confused fellow in kuala pillah on charges of being an unregistered bomoh).
I discovered this little bit of magic a few days ago when some trainees were talking about it over lunch. Here in Motorola, trainees aren't particularly nit-picky about hiding little secret spells that help them get their jobs done... and more importantly help to bide their boring hours while hiding from supervisors. This particular spell is called Ghostzilla. The purpose of the spell is to prevent supervisors from snooping on you to check that you aren't wasting precious company time surfing the net. But since I'm getting paid a measly salary, I can't be particularly bothered about doing things by the book here.
Using Ghostzilla is so easy, you'd swear it's magic... which it is, of course *ahem*. All I need is my magical mouse. Now, I could be working on my calculations in, say, Microsoft Excel, and once I'm sure that my supervisors aren't looking, I quickly flick my mouse left-right-left across the screen and voila! a browser pops up within my Excel screen. Now, my supervisors will still think I'm hard at work, doing my statistics, because if they just glance at me, they'll still be able to see the Excel Taskbar at the top of my screen. Meanwhile, my browser window has transformed into a black and white or grey scale document, so that from afar it looks like I'm still typing out my report. But if I hover my magical mouse pointer over my pictures, they turn coloured again. And if my supervisors suddenly decide to swoop down on me for a surprise visit, all I have to do is move my mouse pointer to the top of the screen and in the blink of an eye, my original work is restored with not a trace of my browser... even in the taskbar! And after my supervisor leaves, its left-right-left with the mouse again and my browser window appears just as I left it.
Now, isn't that simply magical?

[to be sung to the tune of 'I've been working on the railroad']

i've been working in the fact'ry line
only the whole damn day
i've been measuring little wires
there's gotta be a better way
this involves no innovation,
no techniques, skill, nor my brain
my mind is grad-u-ally rotting
i fear i'll go insane


** all rights reserved ** all critical comments too **

----------------------------------------

I'm currently absorbed in inspecting a hideous rash that has developed around my ring finger. Is there a possibility that I'm allergic to 925 silver? Or just rings that are too tight?

Time has a very funny way of passing you by. In the mornings it almost seems as if the hands of my watch are stationary, but after lunch break... time seems to whizz off like a roller-coaster and I am running, huffing and puffing, after it as I try to fit as many things as I can into it before it whizzes of again. And then there are parts of there day where I seem to have pockets of time that appear here and there... and I really wonder what to do with them, and by the time I've decided what to do... I'm left with no time at all.


I've done it again haven't I? I've miffed you off, and I don't know why. No, I have an inkling... but I'm still confused. Am I really that lacking in EQ? Till I can't understand what lesson you're trying to teach me here? I don't think I deserve this punishment.

*grin*

I am now the proud owner of an Olympus Stylus 300 Digital Camera.
That's 3.2 megapixels. That's 3X optical lens. That's 16MB + 64MB of memory. That's more than I know how to deal with.

n.b. - the camera is a going away gift from my uncle who fears that I am not high tech enough for London... *shrug*

I shall now declare Saturdays as my "give me a break! I work 5 days a week from 8-5:30!" day! This is my official decree!
No one is to wake me up any earlier than 9am.
No one is to interrupt my tedious morning beauty routine
No one is to tell me to get out of the bathroom because I've spent an entire hour just tending to my hair
No one is to serve me breakfast that isn't decent
and...
No one is to tell me what to do the whole day!

Except my mummy. Just because.

I need to store this link here for awhile... 'cos I don't have anywhere else to put it...
Odac Room Pics
The wave of nostalgia that just passed over me when I looked at the pictures was overwhelming... funny how pictures of 8" by 8" sketchbooks full of nonsensical philosophising agonising argumenting empathising encouraging scribbles can make me feel like I wish we could do it all over again. Maybe to outsiders it was just a lot of verbal garbage and cows and pigs... but to us... we were recording friendships, feelings, and our vivacious teenage lives.
Once an Odacian, Forever an Odacian...

Funny how looking at old Interact stuff doesn't tug at the same heart strings.

Friday Fives.
It's not Friday, but I'm bored and feel like boring you anyway...

1. Do you remember your first best friend? Who was it?
Must have been in kindergarten. I think her name is Carmen, I don't even remember her surname. But I can clearly remember her face... her five year old face... chubby and smiley and dimpled. I still keep a photo of us, taken before she left kindergarten. There's Carmen, all smiles and dimples, and then there's me... pretending to look bored and pouting and affected, giving the impression that taking photos was beneath me. I don't know why I did that! I wish I didn't...

2. Are you still in touch with this person?
No. I don't know where she is now and I would be the least likely person to recognise her even if she turned out to be my next door neighbour or similar.

3. Do you have a current close friend?
Greg's my closest friend. Period.

4. How did you become friends with this person?
Well... you go hiking and running and climbing and kayaking and abseiling together and see where that leads you. Most likely to 3 hour long chats at the hawker centre or jumping on buses just to see where they go or sms-ing till 3 in the morning to keep each other awake while studying for Physics tests. I think that's how you become close friends... taking an interest, talking, trusting and caring...

5. Is there a friend from your past that you wish you were still in contact with? Why?
Plenty! I often wonder what happened to my friends in kindergarten... like Kristin whom I played 'gangsters' with, or Ken who sat with me during story time. I guess maintaining kindergarten friendships isn't expected of you... all the same, its not like I'm doing a very good job of maintaining friendships now. Then there are friends who just one day disappeared from my life without warning, like Adrian who was in my Taekwon-do class, and friends from Standard 6 whom I never saw again the day I left SSP. Even now as I watch secondary school friends spread further and further away like the outer circles of a ripple... I still can't make the effort to contact them. Ironic that globalisation is bringing everyone else closer... not for me. In the words of one wise pighead...

"How maintaining relationship is an art ---- one realised by few ; practised by less ; mastered by none -- and moreover appreciated by all."

My daddy has been hospitalised for severe leg pain and possibly pinched nerves caused by his last slip disk.

Most of my life I've always thought of my parents as indestructable beings (who would possibly live forever if they didn't keep saying we 3 kids would be the death of them). But the idea of my dad lying in a hospital (hospitable?) bed for a week is unbearable. My daddy has been an athelete and a sportsman for most of his life (which is needless to say that I, his firstborn, was a dissapointment when at the age of 2 it was obvious I had very poor hand-foot-eye coordination). Even in his 50s, my daddy is still regularly playing badminton and tennis 2-3 times a week and golf on the weekends. But now we're waiting for the doctors to tell us what is wrong with my Daddy's legs. I can't help but worry due to my lack of bio knowledge... and I cannot imagine an immobile daddy. The biggest nightmare for a sportsman has to be the loss of the use of they're limbs. I don't want it to be that way for my daddy, and yet the whole family has to accept that neither of my parents are getting any younger (they're old parents to begin with)... and that old age comes with weakness, pain, diseases... and eventually death.

And just after I told Daryan that I swear I've been blogging consistently... I find I have no time to blog, or rather nothing to say. There's been a hell lot of interesting stuff in the papers lately, but I haven't had the time to peruse it carefully as I used to, back in the old days (ok... 2 weeks ago!) when I had perfectly good mornings to waste lying in bed instead of collecting data in an astronaut suit in a cold lab.
I had an absolutely packed... and fattening... weekend. Beginning with friday night, when Greg arrived after travelling 7 hours at the crowded out and sleazy Pudu Raya station (on the way home, we discovered the existence of University Kuala Lumpur. "Huh?" you say? Well, of course no one knows about it... it's only lit up at night!) and feasted on crabs, satay and yee meen. Woke up the next morning at the bright and early hour of 9am (that's early for Greg... the OCS guy... *shrug*) and straight away drove to O&S for a breakfast of Curry Laksa, Popiah, Chee Cheong Fun and Indian Rojak. Then went to USJ Giant to make an appearance at the Brat's Charity (and was only outshone by VJ Sarah Tan). Met an amazing amount of people I never knew were Brats, new Brats and downright ancient Brats. It's amazing that the car tyres could still hold our weight as we drove to Bangsar Shopping Centre to visit Charm, who was teaching knee-high people (they're called kids, Charlotte, KIDS!) to fold Origami birds and houses. I had a long and intense conversation with an 8 yr old about Barbie dolls, before we proceeded (sans Charm) to have lunch at Esquire Kitchen (Pau with Ma Poh Taufu, Sze Chuan fried Eggplant and Fried Chicken with Onion Rings. Charl - Yum! Yum!, Greg - Eggplant???!!! You know you're going to be finishing that up by yourself, right?). Then we rescued Charm from the pint-size... oh alright... KIDS... and went down to Strudels to eat... Apple Strudel (duh!). After going to church (to thank God for delicious Malaysian food that is better than Singaporean fare, anyday!) my entire family went to Sri Hartamas to try out a new restaurant, Suasana, that serves Lamb Goulash Masala (??!!). Not bad, really. But still think the stuff in Desa Sri Hartamas is funkier. After pigging out all day, what was going to stop us for having dim sum at Tai Thong for brunch the next day? After brunch, was dropped off at Midvalley... which for all its massiveness, hasn't really got much to buy. We ended up at Pets Wonderland, which is more of a mini zoo than a shop (how does it survive???). Then at 4pm, we ended up at the SS2 Secret Recipe for tea with Sugi and Michelle... and stayed there eating Oreo cheesecake and gossiping (Greg says the girls were bitching... but we like to think of it as an exchange of ideas) till almost 7:30pm. Went back home to mum's big feast of Assam Fish and Prawns, Grilled Pork Ribs, Mushroom Chicken Feet and Jack Fruit! Stuffed, stuffed, stuffed! Its great to feel absolutely Garfield-like and hoping that a meteorite will land on the Motorola plant so I wouldn't have to go to work the next day. But things I wish for usually don't come true. (*I wish for XK to be smart, charming and handsome*).
Well, Greg's back in Spore, and it's not my fault if he's looking rotund... I didn't force him to eat anything...
And it's back to work for me... time to don the awful smock again and go measure the accuracy of ball placements. Bah!

From The Star's Nation section (summarised & edited):
City Hall: No more performing licence for Instant Cafe Theatre

BY JANE RITIKOS
KUALA LUMPUR: City Hall has decided to no longer issue any performing licence to Instant Cafe Theatre Company (ICT) after the group refused to follow an order to revise the script of its sell-out show “The 2nd First Annual Bolehwood Awards 2003 – The Director’s Cut.”
In the letter to Utusan, a reader complained that the performance was rude and uncivilised, with utterances of profanity.
He also criticised the show for being insensitive to Islam, apart from making fun of politicians.
In its advertisement, ICT publicised the show as the “spoofs (of) everything under the Malaysian sun and no one, no institution, no project, no cultural norm is spared.”
Show director Jo Kukathas expressed shock at City Hall's decision.
She said it had informed her last Saturday to cut out five elements from the script including government policies, government agencies and the mention of anyone dead or alive, including Tan Sri P. Ramlee.
“This basically entails the entire show which is about society and government policies. It was too late to stop the show that night.
“City Hall also told us we must comply or else we had to pay a RM10,000 fine.
“After we thought it through and consulted our lawyers, we decided to continue with the show without any amendments because if we did, there would be no show,” she said in an interview.
Arts and culture activist Kathy Rowland in her letter to Utusan on Wednesday defended the “Bolehwood” show, explaining that since its inception in 1989, ICT had been performing satires even at official government functions.
“This shows Malaysian poli-ticians are mature enough to appreciate a comedy such as “Bolehwood,” an indication that Malaysia is a democratic country,” she wrote.


-----------------------------------

First compulsory national service for 18 yr olds, then the laws against couples holding hands... and now this...
Farewell to free expression, free speech and free minds...

How many miligrams of fat did Selena say was in one Mc Vitie's Digestive Cookie again? I've eaten 3 out of boredom this morning. But it does say 25% less vegetable fat on the box! *shrug*

-------------------------------

Edit: Checked the Nutritional Information on the Mc Vitie's box. According to the nutritionists at the Mc Vitie's lab, for every 100grams of digestives, I am consuming 16.2grams of Fat of which 7.0grams saturates. So an entire box of digestives which weighs 250grams will contain 40.5grams of fat of which 17.5grams saturates. I know this is accurate. I checked with a calculator.


I've lost my appetite all of a sudden...

Reminders
1. Burn Russel Watson & Josh Groban CD for Charm (am still against anti piracy laws! but don't quote me on that)
2. Find out when and where the hell the Brats Charity is going to be... do not want Daryan directing us to the Thai Border...
3. Try not to yawn when supervisors are telling you their life stories. Your life isn't THAT interesting either
4. Try not to panic at new assignment given even if you have no clue where to start
5. Staring at the plasma clean machines is not a happening job, but hey, someone's gotta do it!
6. Try not to walk on air just because Greg will be here tomorrow!

Weather check for today: Lighter than air!

3rd day at work. Have been given something substantial to do: Read previous trainee's report on Alternative Method To Achieve Gram Per Mil Square For Wire Peel Test. If you didn't understand that, well don't ask me either. The process is pretty simple, but I'm having an excruciating time trying to read the report which reeks of Ah Bengness. Here's a sample:

It is insufficient data in analysis the successful of the calculation formula for this moment. More and more samples should be taken include MAPBGA and get an overall average data to proof the formula.
When do the measurement to get gram per mil square for wire peel test, make sure that the samples are from same bonder machine. It is because other bonder machine may be different condition and cause the wedge bond formation different.

Ouch!
I so wish to bang a great big grammar text book on his head!

Blogging from work... am such a thrill seeker...
am also bored, not sure if I can take this for another 7 weeks...
and its only the 2nd day of work...

I'm learning to recognise people from the top half of their faces. There's no other way, since everyone is in headgear and face masks, and it sure is stressful when EVERYONE is new to you. I'm easy to recognise... I'm the blur looking little white blob with a notebook in hand and trying really hard not to step on the toes of the senior engineers.

My cubicle is number 69. Odac's favourite number. hmmm...

First day as a trainee at Motorola. I swear that court shoes and an office skirt is NOT the right attire when you are meant to spend at least 3 quarters of the day in a germ free lab, almost unrecognisable due to the astronaut type lab smocks, headgear and face mask! So what exactly do I do? Well, nothing, quite truthfully. Currently I am learning to wire bond die to substrates (that may not make any sense, and if your brain works the way Ravi's does... NO! wire bonds have nothing to do with bondage! my job has NOTHING to do with whipping men into submission and chaining them up, are we clear Ravi dear?). I've also discovered that the best thing about being an engineer is that I will never really have to dress up for work! Scruffy is a norm! ahh... the perfect working environment...

my comments have disappeared. what did I do to make them leave me?

I'm really amused by all this hype about KL being the most unfriendly city in the world. Of course it's unfriendly! People like me live in it. The only way for me to survive in KL is to be just as thick skin as everyone else whether it's hogging the road, cutting queues and placing distrust in anyone I see, even if its a nice little old lady. Hey, you never know! Nice little old ladies could swindle you of your money, lure you into a dark unmonitered carpark and leave you to be gang raped.


Oh and final rant of the day...

WATER TALKS: It REALLY does!!! In the form of the National Economic Action Committee that is.

This is interesting... I'm going to wait a few days to see what's going to happen before I can comment. But for the moment it's MALAYSIA BOLEH! Singaporeans should one day experience what it's like to have water cuts and murky brown water flowing out their taps as we in the Klang Valley and KL STILL experience from time to time.

When your college becomes prime news in the Straits Times, it really boils the Rafflesian blood in you, doesn't it? What more when your college is reputedly the top in the country!
Student's Ticking-off Goes from RJC to Net
RJC Boy to be Disciplined for Film Ticking-off

When I first read the articles (sans photos), I assumed it was MY GP tutor. She was always berating PRCs and scholars, although she claimed she loved us more than disgusting ill-manered Singaporeans (particularly from RI *cough*). But I was wrong. My next guess was that it was the GP tutor Luke had a fight with, and walked out of her class straight into the vice principal's office. But I was wrong again. By now, you'd probably think that RJ is overrun with sarcastic, outspoken, soured old GP tutors... but it isn't... really. Each of us just likes to think OUR GP tutor is the worst (except those lucky bastards who got nice GP tutors like Mrs Chan).
I can't say that the student was in the wrong. His intentions, I assume, were good to start with... defending his PRC friend. My classmates would definitely feel for him after the hardship they went through in the form of my GP tutor. Something like this was just waiting to happen... like a bad chemical reaction of rebellious RJ students and sand paper tongued GP tutors.
All the same, I bet this was the chance RJ critics have been waiting for to lambast swollen headed, egoistic, blue blooded Rafflesians. For further brickbats, refer to Grace's blog.

I spent yesterday signing away my life to Gamuda Berhad. They are going to pay for my entire education, living expenses and return air tickets for the next 4 years. In return, I will offer my life to them for the following 5 years to do as they please; whether it is building tunnels, constructing highways, rearing pigs in kelongs... I am at their mercy. Today I spent a long morning at Kota Permai as the only girl among 6 scholars waiting to shake hands with the chairman of Gamuda (who looked neither awake nor asleep... more like... mummified...) at the Gamuda scholarship presentation award. While the other scholars brought their whole band wagon of excited mummies, daddies, siblings, aunties, grandmothers etc... MY parents came late! The senior scholars are just lovable! And so are the Gamuda staff.
So there... after being the most undecisive person alive, my next 9 years have already been planned out for me.

Back from the island. 4 FANTASTIC days (and nights, *grin*). Settled some stuff... left others hanging... Bemused and confused. Went back to RJ, to find another batch of Odacians with shattered dreams. The curse of my batch seems to linger on. Met up with some odacians. It was fun. With some people, the spirit of comradarie just never diminishes. Maybe I was a little lost at times, when things that were being discussed were out of my league (the Malaysian isolation feeling never changes), but still, the friendship is still there, the bonds still strong, the laughter still loud, the promises of "we'll meet up" still being made, the dreams of THE batch expedition to Sikkim still hopeful...
It's hard to be back home again. Feels like the last 4 days was a dream, a fleeting one... too much, too fast... too happy...

!!Attention please!!

Charlotte will be AWOL from tomorrow till thursday. Charlotte's brain (which has always been AWOL anyway) will be in Singapore with her or else in a secure location nearby. If you feel the need to urgently contact Charlotte, her handphone will be with her, but the cost incurred will be your own. If anyone desperately misses Charlotte during her absence, well, the feeling isn't mutual.

Oh alright, she'll miss you a teensy weensy bit.

And in case you are wondering... NO she is not bringing her pigs with her (yes their trotters will erode)... she will be leaving them in her kelong. (For the rest of the world who does not get this, don't bother... private swine jokes)

Charlie's Angels : Full Throttle
verdict: Oh yeah! Makes you feel all kick ass and wishing you had a butt like Cameron Diaz! It hasn't really got a lot of throttle but its definitely full of fun (if you stop thinking about how impossible most of the fight sequences are). Ooh... and that creepy thin guy... did anyone really get his part in the plot? And what's with the creepy thin guy name? He's more like guy-with-creepy-fetish-who-dies-an-anti-climatic-death. Oh well... This was definitely a better watch than the first! =)

Today I cringed in horror as I forced myself to watch the music video for Jewel's latest single: Intuition.
...
...
...
I don't know what to say. If this isn't a nightmare, please let me curl up and die!
I forgave her for This Way... everyone is allowed to kick off their shoes and produce bubblegummy tunes once in a while... but Jewel producing a track that sounds like J Lo?? and dancing??? even if she's actually ridiculling the pop-music world!!! *sob* You can't do this to me! You just can't DO this to me! My vision of the perfect music idol, my reason for strumming my guitar for hours on end, my inspiration for writing, composing, singing... all torn to shreds by a horrifying dance music video!
You know, maybe I just need to listen to the song a few times more... yeah... and everything will be alright again... and I'll be able to buy 0304 without shrinking from it... yeah... it'll be fine... everything is going to be O.K.


Who the shit am I kidding?

The Hulk
verdict: Unless you are a loyal-die-hard-superman-is-for-wimps-hulk-rules-take-that-spideyboy kinda person, you might want to think twice about exchanging your hard earned cash for movie tickets instead of, say, buying a nice green cactus that does not bloat up when made angry nor has complicated relationships with its power hungry father. Plus, it's not polite to yawn in the cinema as I did several times today.

I found this poem while randomly surfing on my favourite subject : myself
It's part of a collection of poems from the movie Autumn Sometimes directed by John Macaulay. You can find out more about it here


Charlotte Sometimes Part 1 & 2


(Part1)

Some times she is beautiful

Like a flower in the rain

Sometimes she is vulnerable

As she hides herself in shame

Sometimes she’s angelic

When she whispers through the room

Sometimes she does not realize

How she makes my heart swoon

Sometimes

Sometimes

And I want to be her savior

Her true and only love

I want to heal her bleeding heart

I want to watch the sunset

And hold he till the ‘morn

I want to be forever to her

And never to the world

But I have to settle for sometimes


(Part 2)

Sometimes flowers die returning to the earth

Sometimes mothers cry at their newborn baby’s birth

Sometimes love is fleeting

Like the autumn leaves that turn

Sometimes a candle may go out

Though a fire still may burn

Some times I sit in solitude

And curse the sky above

Sometimes I cry a tear of joy

When I think about our love

Sometime

Sometimes

Forever was to permanent

For an angel such as you

So I will savor every moment

That I got to share with you

Sometime

Sometimes

Sometimes I lay awake at night

And the wind sounds like you

Whispering to me in words

That say I miss you too

Sometimes love may come and go

But true love still remains

These times I realize your still here

To help me through this pain

Sometime

Sometimes

Some times I have to thank you

For opening eyes once blind

Sometimes I feel you are with me now

My savior Charlotte

Sometimes…



When I catch a glimpse of her

Sometime

Sometimes

Sometimes I dream at night

That we have kissed a thousand times

Sometimes when I see her

I feel my heart go blind

Sometimes I wish she’d hear my words

And hang on every line

But for now I am only me alone

And she is only Charlotte sometimes

wishing stars

Really adorable link... courtesy of xk... which is courtesy of *ahem*

Nah! I blogged! PLUS I even mentioned you! Happy now? Tsk... where on earth do I find all these obnoxiously demanding friends?

I haven't been online for almost a week and... WHOA!!! It's been agonising not being able to blog, and now everything I wanted to say is all tangled up in my head and I've never been very good at undoing knots (tying knots yes... undoing them... ouch! brain ache!)

Will blog later... presently clearing truckloads of emails... mostly junk...

Stupid Comments are on maintenence...

I Love You Toadally and Udderly!
Hehe! Check it out! It's really cute!

I've finished reading Harry Potter and The Order of The Pheonix. I'm gloating because I guessed right who would die. I'm getting as good as Sybil Trelawney! I didn't enjoy this book as much though. Harry was just too self pitying, whiny, anal retentive and plain bitchy for me! Hermione and Ron were bickering non-stop! And it just wasn't magical enough. Or else... I've just grown old...

Anu sent this to me. Personally I think she and Sugi LOVE sending me all kinds of 'personality explanation' mails =)

* Symbol : The Sea Goat
* Ruling House : Tenth House
* Ruling Planet : Saturn
* Gemstone : Blue Sapphire
* Element : Earth
* Most compatible with : Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn
* Can be good with : Scorpio, Cancer, Pisces
* A 50-50 chance with : Aries, Sagittarius, Leo
* Doubtful with : Gemini, Aquarius, Libra
[That makes me compatible with Sachpal, good with Anu, 50-50 with Luke (Nicholson) and doubtful with Greg and Sugi... WOW!]

Capricorn Personality
Capricorns are diligent, conscientious, hardworking and cautious, seldom allowing themselves any sort of permissiveness [Read: stuffy about following rules, dotting the i's and crossing all the t's]; this makes them among the most reliable people to work with [yeah! They nag everyone else who isn't up to standard]. You endure hardship well and can be very tolerant, slogging your way up life's steepest climbs and climb you must [well... I DO like rock-climbing, come to think of it...]. You are highly ambitious and will work your way up with patience and hard work - exactly like the mountain goat that represents your Zodiac sign [SEE! It was innate nature that made me finish all my FM assignments!]. You have an admirable sense of discipline and a good head for managing finances [yup! Greg pays for most things]. Most of you are self-contained and tend to carve your own way. Those who know you well will admire you for your sense of duty, your selflessness in service and your devotion [Er... the Odacians tend to grumble about my nagging]. Although not exactly the centre of attraction at parties, you have a sense of humour that many find attractive [ROFL!]. You are sure-footed and most of your productivity is the result of the confidence you bring to your work. You tend to spend far too much energy in being the achiever. You also tend to be moody and fairly self-destructive [Oh really? Got a bone to pick haven't you! *glare!*].

Capricorn Lover
Your ardent and incurabe romantic yearning for true love, which is checked by Saturn -- the stern planet of discipline. It commands you to be calm, practical and serious. To top it all your practicality and sensibility ensure that you snag the right partner in marriage who can be a good parent and do you proud. Those belonging to the zodiac signs of Taurus [Shaun??? Ravi???], Scorpio [Thank goodness, don't know any scorpions] and Virgo [Damian??? *cough blood*] will make good partners for Capricorns. Nevertheless, love for a stable home and loyalty towards the spouse are your primary concerns. Man or woman, Capricorns love their home, but they are reverent about family ties -- be these their own or the ones created with the partner. If you marry a Capri [Sachpal??? Rajiv Lopes??? NO WAY!] then be prepared to love your in-laws, no matter what. They seldom marry in haste and abhor divorce, but when it happens it is final.They are pretty good and strict parents always concerned with the best for their children's future.
[0uch! Fell off my chair... laughing too hard]

Capricorn Professional
Capricorns make good business people. Shrewd and hardworking, it is unlikely that you will take any rash decisions. You are ambitious and even if you do not have a career of your own, you will make sure your spouse climbs the ladder [NO ONE is supposed to tell ANY future husband of mine THIS!]. You are not up to too much competition and will work at your own pace and deliver the best you can. Capricorns will
do well in the fields of academics [School Marm Yeow... Nah...], industry [Not in THIS country, mate!] and even agriculture [statistically 3 out of 5 plants die on me. This includes the simple green beans which failed to sprout, although everyone else in my standard 4 class suceeded in producing a few leaves]. Dealing with antiques is also a good profession for you [Do my grandparents count?]. Money rarely comes to you as an unexpected windfall. It will come through hard work and it will come in a bit late [WHAT? Even if I whip my spouse to climb the ladder quicker?]. You should, however, settle down comfortably by the time you are in your early forties.

Capricorn Traveller
You love high places and blossom on mountains [Not if my travelling buddies are Mr. Shah and Grace Lim... Sorry, only Odacians will get this]. Though you would love to go on a luxurious and comfortable holiday but you are equally frugal about spending money even on a holiday...and keep your expenses in check [that's alright... shopping in Malaysia is still the cheapest... cuti-cuti Malaaay-siaaah!]. Even on holiday you keep yourself disciplined and active; no overindulgence for you. You enjoy historical places and the romance surrounding them [This is astonishingly very true! But they forgot Art Museums!!!].

Capricorn Teens
This young lady is both studious and diligent; she doesn't see much beyond work. [well... work isn't always academic work is it?] She will figure at the top of her class, and that's just the first step for someone as ambitious as her [EEPS!!! Were they spying on me?]. She is generally friendly [yeah! I sat alone in class in Form 5, and everyone knows how 'friendly' a classmate I was in RJ!], a trait which helps her to achieve her goals, but she'll need a lot of external support [ODAC!] to prevent her from taking life too seriously [Like xk and shan teaching me that not finishing tutorials is no big deal!]. Conservative by nature, the Capricorn lass is realistic. Her cautious approach to life does not allow her to be a daredevil [but when I am a daredevil good things happen to me! Explain THAT! hmmph!]. Her exceptional organisational skills help her to tide over most crises and attain her goals.
The Capricorn lad will rarely find any leisure since he will be busy chalking out future plans. Serious by nature, he has no time for flippant socialising and has his mind on more important matters. Of
course he doesn't want to be rude but his passion for getting things done often makes him a little bossy. In his leisure time the Capricorn boy loves to indulge in competition, especially in sports, and he finds it very
difficult to cope with defeat. For that he needs the support of his compatriots. One-to-one competition also appeals to him. Practical and reliable, he can be trusted with any new responsibility. At the end of the day, a Capricorn boy likes to be surrounded by the spoils of his success. He has been striving for it all through the day. Someday his toils will pay off and he will rule the world.
[Ouch! Fell of chair again... was thinking of Sachpal and.... HAHAHAHAHA!!! ROFL!!!]

Capricorn Kids
The Capricorn kid starts behaving like an adult from a very early age [Venki will never forgive me for being able to read when I was just a year old, right?]. An entrepreneur from the beginning, this child has ambitious plans to touch the sky someday and what is more surprising, it is all chalked out in great detail! [Er... well... when I was 8 I had already made a contract with 4 friends that we'd open a kindergarten and I had even named it, assigned the various staff roles and drawn up all class time tables] Being a cautious player, of course he or she is not going to attempt something that could possibly fail. An excellent sense of responsibility enables this kid to have a way with peers. There lurks a perfectionist [beams at mint condition Barbie dolls] in every Capricorn child, who's ready to walk that extra mile.

Capricorn Luck
It is the darker colours, the colours of night, that bring you luck [and also statistically cause more road accidents at night because drivers can't see you...]. Black, brown, blue and grey will be good colours to wear [No! no! no! I just bought a pair of pink slippers, a peach jacket and 5 purple skirts! I insist on a new colour test!], while in gemstones you should choose sapphire, amethyst, garnet and black onyx. Numbers 1, 4 and 8 and those that add up to these [which includes 2,3,5,6,7... er that's ALOT of lucky numbers, huh?] prove lucky for Capricorns. Saturday is your lucky day [Yeah! It's NO SCHOOL day!]. Saturn is your ruler and your element is earth. [Well, I'm not really the space travelling kind... earth is fine...]

I have this nagging feeling I've forgotten alot of birthdays this month. If this concerns you, please know that it really wasn't intentional at all! I don't loathe you, despise you, or wish you were completely out of my life... I just forgot to check my birthday diary.

Harry Potter and The Order of The Pheonix will be out tomorrow. I'm getting the heeby jeebies. But I promise I won't be queueing at Kinokuniya at 6am.

Have I ever told you
How much I love waking up
To gently parting raindrops
And the sound of lulling winds
As nobody can be heard
But a background of steady breathing
Reassures me that the world
Is so near
Just so near to me
I could fall back
Into dreamland once again

NUS documents have finally arrived in the mail!!!

Dear CHARLOTTE YEOW SHU CHEN
On behalf of NUS, I wish to congratulate you for being selected as a recipient of the ASEAN Undergraduate Scholarship for Engineering (NUS) course. blah blah blah... To accept our offer, please complete the enclosed reply form and return it to us by 18 June 2003.

Erm... isn't today the 19th of June already? So much for Singaporean punctuality and efficiency!!!

NUS = National University of Singapore

?????I dunno what to blog today?????

I finally bought Tony Parson's Man and Wife because it went from RM42.90 to RM33.90 and is now in smaller print. I hope it's like the first book. Please let it be like the first book! I also bought Everything is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer. I bought it because the cover is so funky! (and also because it was the winner of the Guardian First Book award 2002, but mainly because the cover is so FUNKY!).

Twilight
If I could catch it
On the tip of my tongue
Let its soft lullaby
Veil my soul
Change this darkness
Into rainbows
Forget that the road ends in reality
Just tread quietly
Behind the ghost of a dream
Pretend for now my world exists
In this fairy tale land
And no cold water
Dripping down my back
Could unlock the gates
To this fantasy

I'm obsessed with twilight. I used to think it was the witching hour because it seemed a more magical time than midnight. I mean, midnight is no different from 10pm or 2am... but twilight is a myriad of colours and has a partial eerie quality when daylight turns into darkness.

It's 10:30 am and I'm sitting in front of my comp, still in my nightie trying to figure out how much energy it will take for me to haul my entire self into the shower. I haven't even thought of breakfast yet. To make tuna pate or not to make tuna pate? My mum will balk at the amount of cream cheese I put into it and proceed to haul me to the gym to work it off. I just don't get how mum expects me to survive on greens and low fat stuff for the rest of my life. Anything with carbohydrates is EVIIIIIIL! She makes me take the rice out of sushi and the glutinous rice out of... erm... jung (glutinous rice). She nags at me when I butter my potatoes. She glares if I even reach for the ice cream tub in the fridge. And she prophecises that if I don't stop snacking I'm going to look like my aunties.
Ok THAT prophecy IS scary, because as much as I love my 7 aunties, I really truly fear looking like an oversized dumpling.
But when I think about it again, it IS due to my mum that I have the strangest of eating habits. Like how I completely avoid chocolate in any form (bars, cakes, M&Ms, ice cream, brownies!) because mum just never gave me chocs when I was a kid (and I really think the taste is revolting!). And it is because of mum that I have no fondness for sweet things, that I hate eating mee or anything in noodle form, that I have a strange love for milk and eggs and mushrooms and celery and seafood!
My brother thinks I'm very weird. But that's because he eats everything. Including the food off my plate. I always knew there was something wrong when people said I was such a skinny child and my brother was a roly poly pig!
I'm blathering... I don't even know if that's a real word...



Twilight

It was a twilight evening
When the sky spun rosy hues
I lost my soul down the woodland path
To the seductive lure of my view
The sweet scent of grass tranquillised me
The faint glow of light mesmerised
My mind swept away by the winds lullaby
Traded my soul for that beauteous prize
And as the sky melted into darkness
My soul danced a waltz with the breeze
Exhilaration permitted perchance a journey
Of an insight to the world of dreams
And as I drew near the end of the path
With reality waiting at its foot
I sighed as my soul remained trapped inside
Twilight’s timeless youth

When I was in Eton Hall, I always returned to my hostel around sunset. And for all that Eton Hall was the hostel of horror, the surrounding landscape was just mesmerising! You have to see it to believe such a place exists... like a land spun out of a fairy tale, from the lush green valleys that we traversed across when we had nothing to do to the quaint houses we would walk past wondering who lived inside them, and the houses we thought were haunted, the confusing roads we'd try to figure out, the deserted hospital which let our imaginations run as to why it was deserted, Eton Hall really was a beautiful place.

I forgot to put a poem... I'm getting old...

I think if I live
In this life
I just don’t want to know
What’s going on
Beyond my rose coloured window
Close my eyes to what
Is going on
In the dark shadows
Of the Devil’s cloak
I don’t want it
To tug at my heart
Not with my hands bound
Behind my back
And I can’t reach out to touch no one

Blogger ate yesterday's blog. Buggy blogger.

Whenever I think my government cannot sink any lower in ridiculous ideas, they come up with National Service to prove me wrong.
[Looks up into the heavens and wails: Why, God? Why???]
As I read through the NS outline in The Star (National Service for 18-year-olds to start in February) I just cannot accept that my poor brother has a 1 in 5 chance of being subjected to this idiotic jab at restoring patriotism in the young. Please, please, give me something to believe that the government is NOT run by hare-brained poofs!
The more I think about it, the more I cannot accept that something as major as National Service is being implemented without any justification. To quote the Defence Minister, Najib (the guy who totally screwed up the Education Ministry by doing close to nothing!) : Malaysia’s National Service Programme (is)different from those implemented in other countries because its main thrust (is) to promote national unity, and not for defence purposes.
I know I'm not very logical most of the time, but even I know that 3 months in what looks like summer camp is NOT going to promote national unity anymore than 11-13 years of national education! And how do we know that the 100,000 selected guinea pigs are right for NS? If the objective of NS is not for defence purposes, why are they going to be taught to handle guns and other fire-arms? And what about the compensation for loss of education during those 3 months? And this country doesn't have the adequate facilities for National Service, do they not realise that deaths have occured in National Service? Are the instructors qualified to handle these young children barely out of teenhood? And the flaming idiocy of it all is that our country is too proud to ask any other country for assistance. Not even Singapore who has been running National Service successfully for decades (although I'm not sure how successfully since some slut plays warcraft 3 from 9-5 everyday).
I know 15 guys who are very dear to me who are currently serving National Service in Singapore. I don't see them anymore patriotic then when they were in junior college, unless they are picking on me for being Malaysian. Even Greg, who tells me every 20 minutes "Do you know why NS is good for you?", balks at the idea of NS in Malaysia.
It. Just. Won't. Work.
How can something like this work when it has been drafted out in a matter of months?
No that isn't the point.
The point is that it's baseless! It's just NOT JUSTIFIED!!!

Since some obnoxious person DEMANDS that I blog... so here, I shall blog!
*pigs shake their heads in dissapointment... tsk tsk tsk*

Been AOL for the past few days because after my Econs paper 3 ended on Friday the 13th, my brain took no pay leave and I've been drifting around in blissful idiocy ever since. Here's a brief run through of what I've been up to (be thankful it has nothing to do with you!)
1. Went shopping in KL, got caught in rain, mum freaked out because was afraid we'd get caught in a flood, drove home in F1 style (mum drove, thank goodness!), arrived home to find PJ all sun-shiny!
2. Started on Colleen McCollough's Thornbirds. Cannot put it down! Explains blogging absence.
3. Nearly had to watch What a Girl Wants with sister. Think Amanda Bynes is a better actress than Hilary Duff, but still watch Lizzie Mcguire anyhow.
4. Listened to my father talk about the horrors of May 13, 1969 and how he cheated death by ponteng-ing the last class of the day, and cycling through Chow Kit road back to my aunty's house only to hear upon his arrival that 20 people had been killed in the massacre along Chow Kit.
5. Cooked dinner for my daddy, who thankfully had the sense to ponteng classes at the right time so I could be here today! And who also is a terrible liar because he said my Caesar salad was very good. It couldn't be! I totally did not follow the recipe and invented my own along the way!
Happy Father's Day, Daddy!

I
Boredom
Mind piercing
Agonising
Boredom

II
A pencil in my hand
Wields chasing dreams in my head
On to paper, things unsaid

III
Boredom
A template for imagination
The virgin of dreams being formed into reality
It’s all crap
I’m just plain bored

I had Mohammed Haji Salleh in mind when I wrote this. Remember Rain? In retrospect, I did like the poem... and when it rains I often think of threads from heaven, babies in cradles, and fathers turning their backs on the world in slumber.
Oh and I tend to write ALOT of poems about boredom... especially when I'm bored! It's ironic!