When your college becomes prime news in the Straits Times, it really boils the Rafflesian blood in you, doesn't it? What more when your college is reputedly the top in the country!
Student's Ticking-off Goes from RJC to Net
RJC Boy to be Disciplined for Film Ticking-off

When I first read the articles (sans photos), I assumed it was MY GP tutor. She was always berating PRCs and scholars, although she claimed she loved us more than disgusting ill-manered Singaporeans (particularly from RI *cough*). But I was wrong. My next guess was that it was the GP tutor Luke had a fight with, and walked out of her class straight into the vice principal's office. But I was wrong again. By now, you'd probably think that RJ is overrun with sarcastic, outspoken, soured old GP tutors... but it isn't... really. Each of us just likes to think OUR GP tutor is the worst (except those lucky bastards who got nice GP tutors like Mrs Chan).
I can't say that the student was in the wrong. His intentions, I assume, were good to start with... defending his PRC friend. My classmates would definitely feel for him after the hardship they went through in the form of my GP tutor. Something like this was just waiting to happen... like a bad chemical reaction of rebellious RJ students and sand paper tongued GP tutors.
All the same, I bet this was the chance RJ critics have been waiting for to lambast swollen headed, egoistic, blue blooded Rafflesians. For further brickbats, refer to Grace's blog.

I spent yesterday signing away my life to Gamuda Berhad. They are going to pay for my entire education, living expenses and return air tickets for the next 4 years. In return, I will offer my life to them for the following 5 years to do as they please; whether it is building tunnels, constructing highways, rearing pigs in kelongs... I am at their mercy. Today I spent a long morning at Kota Permai as the only girl among 6 scholars waiting to shake hands with the chairman of Gamuda (who looked neither awake nor asleep... more like... mummified...) at the Gamuda scholarship presentation award. While the other scholars brought their whole band wagon of excited mummies, daddies, siblings, aunties, grandmothers etc... MY parents came late! The senior scholars are just lovable! And so are the Gamuda staff.
So there... after being the most undecisive person alive, my next 9 years have already been planned out for me.

Back from the island. 4 FANTASTIC days (and nights, *grin*). Settled some stuff... left others hanging... Bemused and confused. Went back to RJ, to find another batch of Odacians with shattered dreams. The curse of my batch seems to linger on. Met up with some odacians. It was fun. With some people, the spirit of comradarie just never diminishes. Maybe I was a little lost at times, when things that were being discussed were out of my league (the Malaysian isolation feeling never changes), but still, the friendship is still there, the bonds still strong, the laughter still loud, the promises of "we'll meet up" still being made, the dreams of THE batch expedition to Sikkim still hopeful...
It's hard to be back home again. Feels like the last 4 days was a dream, a fleeting one... too much, too fast... too happy...

!!Attention please!!

Charlotte will be AWOL from tomorrow till thursday. Charlotte's brain (which has always been AWOL anyway) will be in Singapore with her or else in a secure location nearby. If you feel the need to urgently contact Charlotte, her handphone will be with her, but the cost incurred will be your own. If anyone desperately misses Charlotte during her absence, well, the feeling isn't mutual.

Oh alright, she'll miss you a teensy weensy bit.

And in case you are wondering... NO she is not bringing her pigs with her (yes their trotters will erode)... she will be leaving them in her kelong. (For the rest of the world who does not get this, don't bother... private swine jokes)

Charlie's Angels : Full Throttle
verdict: Oh yeah! Makes you feel all kick ass and wishing you had a butt like Cameron Diaz! It hasn't really got a lot of throttle but its definitely full of fun (if you stop thinking about how impossible most of the fight sequences are). Ooh... and that creepy thin guy... did anyone really get his part in the plot? And what's with the creepy thin guy name? He's more like guy-with-creepy-fetish-who-dies-an-anti-climatic-death. Oh well... This was definitely a better watch than the first! =)

Today I cringed in horror as I forced myself to watch the music video for Jewel's latest single: Intuition.
...
...
...
I don't know what to say. If this isn't a nightmare, please let me curl up and die!
I forgave her for This Way... everyone is allowed to kick off their shoes and produce bubblegummy tunes once in a while... but Jewel producing a track that sounds like J Lo?? and dancing??? even if she's actually ridiculling the pop-music world!!! *sob* You can't do this to me! You just can't DO this to me! My vision of the perfect music idol, my reason for strumming my guitar for hours on end, my inspiration for writing, composing, singing... all torn to shreds by a horrifying dance music video!
You know, maybe I just need to listen to the song a few times more... yeah... and everything will be alright again... and I'll be able to buy 0304 without shrinking from it... yeah... it'll be fine... everything is going to be O.K.


Who the shit am I kidding?

The Hulk
verdict: Unless you are a loyal-die-hard-superman-is-for-wimps-hulk-rules-take-that-spideyboy kinda person, you might want to think twice about exchanging your hard earned cash for movie tickets instead of, say, buying a nice green cactus that does not bloat up when made angry nor has complicated relationships with its power hungry father. Plus, it's not polite to yawn in the cinema as I did several times today.

I found this poem while randomly surfing on my favourite subject : myself
It's part of a collection of poems from the movie Autumn Sometimes directed by John Macaulay. You can find out more about it here


Charlotte Sometimes Part 1 & 2


(Part1)

Some times she is beautiful

Like a flower in the rain

Sometimes she is vulnerable

As she hides herself in shame

Sometimes she’s angelic

When she whispers through the room

Sometimes she does not realize

How she makes my heart swoon

Sometimes

Sometimes

And I want to be her savior

Her true and only love

I want to heal her bleeding heart

I want to watch the sunset

And hold he till the ‘morn

I want to be forever to her

And never to the world

But I have to settle for sometimes


(Part 2)

Sometimes flowers die returning to the earth

Sometimes mothers cry at their newborn baby’s birth

Sometimes love is fleeting

Like the autumn leaves that turn

Sometimes a candle may go out

Though a fire still may burn

Some times I sit in solitude

And curse the sky above

Sometimes I cry a tear of joy

When I think about our love

Sometime

Sometimes

Forever was to permanent

For an angel such as you

So I will savor every moment

That I got to share with you

Sometime

Sometimes

Sometimes I lay awake at night

And the wind sounds like you

Whispering to me in words

That say I miss you too

Sometimes love may come and go

But true love still remains

These times I realize your still here

To help me through this pain

Sometime

Sometimes

Some times I have to thank you

For opening eyes once blind

Sometimes I feel you are with me now

My savior Charlotte

Sometimes…



When I catch a glimpse of her

Sometime

Sometimes

Sometimes I dream at night

That we have kissed a thousand times

Sometimes when I see her

I feel my heart go blind

Sometimes I wish she’d hear my words

And hang on every line

But for now I am only me alone

And she is only Charlotte sometimes

wishing stars

Really adorable link... courtesy of xk... which is courtesy of *ahem*

Nah! I blogged! PLUS I even mentioned you! Happy now? Tsk... where on earth do I find all these obnoxiously demanding friends?

I haven't been online for almost a week and... WHOA!!! It's been agonising not being able to blog, and now everything I wanted to say is all tangled up in my head and I've never been very good at undoing knots (tying knots yes... undoing them... ouch! brain ache!)

Will blog later... presently clearing truckloads of emails... mostly junk...

Stupid Comments are on maintenence...

I Love You Toadally and Udderly!
Hehe! Check it out! It's really cute!

I've finished reading Harry Potter and The Order of The Pheonix. I'm gloating because I guessed right who would die. I'm getting as good as Sybil Trelawney! I didn't enjoy this book as much though. Harry was just too self pitying, whiny, anal retentive and plain bitchy for me! Hermione and Ron were bickering non-stop! And it just wasn't magical enough. Or else... I've just grown old...

Anu sent this to me. Personally I think she and Sugi LOVE sending me all kinds of 'personality explanation' mails =)

* Symbol : The Sea Goat
* Ruling House : Tenth House
* Ruling Planet : Saturn
* Gemstone : Blue Sapphire
* Element : Earth
* Most compatible with : Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn
* Can be good with : Scorpio, Cancer, Pisces
* A 50-50 chance with : Aries, Sagittarius, Leo
* Doubtful with : Gemini, Aquarius, Libra
[That makes me compatible with Sachpal, good with Anu, 50-50 with Luke (Nicholson) and doubtful with Greg and Sugi... WOW!]

Capricorn Personality
Capricorns are diligent, conscientious, hardworking and cautious, seldom allowing themselves any sort of permissiveness [Read: stuffy about following rules, dotting the i's and crossing all the t's]; this makes them among the most reliable people to work with [yeah! They nag everyone else who isn't up to standard]. You endure hardship well and can be very tolerant, slogging your way up life's steepest climbs and climb you must [well... I DO like rock-climbing, come to think of it...]. You are highly ambitious and will work your way up with patience and hard work - exactly like the mountain goat that represents your Zodiac sign [SEE! It was innate nature that made me finish all my FM assignments!]. You have an admirable sense of discipline and a good head for managing finances [yup! Greg pays for most things]. Most of you are self-contained and tend to carve your own way. Those who know you well will admire you for your sense of duty, your selflessness in service and your devotion [Er... the Odacians tend to grumble about my nagging]. Although not exactly the centre of attraction at parties, you have a sense of humour that many find attractive [ROFL!]. You are sure-footed and most of your productivity is the result of the confidence you bring to your work. You tend to spend far too much energy in being the achiever. You also tend to be moody and fairly self-destructive [Oh really? Got a bone to pick haven't you! *glare!*].

Capricorn Lover
Your ardent and incurabe romantic yearning for true love, which is checked by Saturn -- the stern planet of discipline. It commands you to be calm, practical and serious. To top it all your practicality and sensibility ensure that you snag the right partner in marriage who can be a good parent and do you proud. Those belonging to the zodiac signs of Taurus [Shaun??? Ravi???], Scorpio [Thank goodness, don't know any scorpions] and Virgo [Damian??? *cough blood*] will make good partners for Capricorns. Nevertheless, love for a stable home and loyalty towards the spouse are your primary concerns. Man or woman, Capricorns love their home, but they are reverent about family ties -- be these their own or the ones created with the partner. If you marry a Capri [Sachpal??? Rajiv Lopes??? NO WAY!] then be prepared to love your in-laws, no matter what. They seldom marry in haste and abhor divorce, but when it happens it is final.They are pretty good and strict parents always concerned with the best for their children's future.
[0uch! Fell off my chair... laughing too hard]

Capricorn Professional
Capricorns make good business people. Shrewd and hardworking, it is unlikely that you will take any rash decisions. You are ambitious and even if you do not have a career of your own, you will make sure your spouse climbs the ladder [NO ONE is supposed to tell ANY future husband of mine THIS!]. You are not up to too much competition and will work at your own pace and deliver the best you can. Capricorns will
do well in the fields of academics [School Marm Yeow... Nah...], industry [Not in THIS country, mate!] and even agriculture [statistically 3 out of 5 plants die on me. This includes the simple green beans which failed to sprout, although everyone else in my standard 4 class suceeded in producing a few leaves]. Dealing with antiques is also a good profession for you [Do my grandparents count?]. Money rarely comes to you as an unexpected windfall. It will come through hard work and it will come in a bit late [WHAT? Even if I whip my spouse to climb the ladder quicker?]. You should, however, settle down comfortably by the time you are in your early forties.

Capricorn Traveller
You love high places and blossom on mountains [Not if my travelling buddies are Mr. Shah and Grace Lim... Sorry, only Odacians will get this]. Though you would love to go on a luxurious and comfortable holiday but you are equally frugal about spending money even on a holiday...and keep your expenses in check [that's alright... shopping in Malaysia is still the cheapest... cuti-cuti Malaaay-siaaah!]. Even on holiday you keep yourself disciplined and active; no overindulgence for you. You enjoy historical places and the romance surrounding them [This is astonishingly very true! But they forgot Art Museums!!!].

Capricorn Teens
This young lady is both studious and diligent; she doesn't see much beyond work. [well... work isn't always academic work is it?] She will figure at the top of her class, and that's just the first step for someone as ambitious as her [EEPS!!! Were they spying on me?]. She is generally friendly [yeah! I sat alone in class in Form 5, and everyone knows how 'friendly' a classmate I was in RJ!], a trait which helps her to achieve her goals, but she'll need a lot of external support [ODAC!] to prevent her from taking life too seriously [Like xk and shan teaching me that not finishing tutorials is no big deal!]. Conservative by nature, the Capricorn lass is realistic. Her cautious approach to life does not allow her to be a daredevil [but when I am a daredevil good things happen to me! Explain THAT! hmmph!]. Her exceptional organisational skills help her to tide over most crises and attain her goals.
The Capricorn lad will rarely find any leisure since he will be busy chalking out future plans. Serious by nature, he has no time for flippant socialising and has his mind on more important matters. Of
course he doesn't want to be rude but his passion for getting things done often makes him a little bossy. In his leisure time the Capricorn boy loves to indulge in competition, especially in sports, and he finds it very
difficult to cope with defeat. For that he needs the support of his compatriots. One-to-one competition also appeals to him. Practical and reliable, he can be trusted with any new responsibility. At the end of the day, a Capricorn boy likes to be surrounded by the spoils of his success. He has been striving for it all through the day. Someday his toils will pay off and he will rule the world.
[Ouch! Fell of chair again... was thinking of Sachpal and.... HAHAHAHAHA!!! ROFL!!!]

Capricorn Kids
The Capricorn kid starts behaving like an adult from a very early age [Venki will never forgive me for being able to read when I was just a year old, right?]. An entrepreneur from the beginning, this child has ambitious plans to touch the sky someday and what is more surprising, it is all chalked out in great detail! [Er... well... when I was 8 I had already made a contract with 4 friends that we'd open a kindergarten and I had even named it, assigned the various staff roles and drawn up all class time tables] Being a cautious player, of course he or she is not going to attempt something that could possibly fail. An excellent sense of responsibility enables this kid to have a way with peers. There lurks a perfectionist [beams at mint condition Barbie dolls] in every Capricorn child, who's ready to walk that extra mile.

Capricorn Luck
It is the darker colours, the colours of night, that bring you luck [and also statistically cause more road accidents at night because drivers can't see you...]. Black, brown, blue and grey will be good colours to wear [No! no! no! I just bought a pair of pink slippers, a peach jacket and 5 purple skirts! I insist on a new colour test!], while in gemstones you should choose sapphire, amethyst, garnet and black onyx. Numbers 1, 4 and 8 and those that add up to these [which includes 2,3,5,6,7... er that's ALOT of lucky numbers, huh?] prove lucky for Capricorns. Saturday is your lucky day [Yeah! It's NO SCHOOL day!]. Saturn is your ruler and your element is earth. [Well, I'm not really the space travelling kind... earth is fine...]

I have this nagging feeling I've forgotten alot of birthdays this month. If this concerns you, please know that it really wasn't intentional at all! I don't loathe you, despise you, or wish you were completely out of my life... I just forgot to check my birthday diary.

Harry Potter and The Order of The Pheonix will be out tomorrow. I'm getting the heeby jeebies. But I promise I won't be queueing at Kinokuniya at 6am.

Have I ever told you
How much I love waking up
To gently parting raindrops
And the sound of lulling winds
As nobody can be heard
But a background of steady breathing
Reassures me that the world
Is so near
Just so near to me
I could fall back
Into dreamland once again

NUS documents have finally arrived in the mail!!!

Dear CHARLOTTE YEOW SHU CHEN
On behalf of NUS, I wish to congratulate you for being selected as a recipient of the ASEAN Undergraduate Scholarship for Engineering (NUS) course. blah blah blah... To accept our offer, please complete the enclosed reply form and return it to us by 18 June 2003.

Erm... isn't today the 19th of June already? So much for Singaporean punctuality and efficiency!!!

NUS = National University of Singapore

?????I dunno what to blog today?????

I finally bought Tony Parson's Man and Wife because it went from RM42.90 to RM33.90 and is now in smaller print. I hope it's like the first book. Please let it be like the first book! I also bought Everything is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer. I bought it because the cover is so funky! (and also because it was the winner of the Guardian First Book award 2002, but mainly because the cover is so FUNKY!).

Twilight
If I could catch it
On the tip of my tongue
Let its soft lullaby
Veil my soul
Change this darkness
Into rainbows
Forget that the road ends in reality
Just tread quietly
Behind the ghost of a dream
Pretend for now my world exists
In this fairy tale land
And no cold water
Dripping down my back
Could unlock the gates
To this fantasy

I'm obsessed with twilight. I used to think it was the witching hour because it seemed a more magical time than midnight. I mean, midnight is no different from 10pm or 2am... but twilight is a myriad of colours and has a partial eerie quality when daylight turns into darkness.

It's 10:30 am and I'm sitting in front of my comp, still in my nightie trying to figure out how much energy it will take for me to haul my entire self into the shower. I haven't even thought of breakfast yet. To make tuna pate or not to make tuna pate? My mum will balk at the amount of cream cheese I put into it and proceed to haul me to the gym to work it off. I just don't get how mum expects me to survive on greens and low fat stuff for the rest of my life. Anything with carbohydrates is EVIIIIIIL! She makes me take the rice out of sushi and the glutinous rice out of... erm... jung (glutinous rice). She nags at me when I butter my potatoes. She glares if I even reach for the ice cream tub in the fridge. And she prophecises that if I don't stop snacking I'm going to look like my aunties.
Ok THAT prophecy IS scary, because as much as I love my 7 aunties, I really truly fear looking like an oversized dumpling.
But when I think about it again, it IS due to my mum that I have the strangest of eating habits. Like how I completely avoid chocolate in any form (bars, cakes, M&Ms, ice cream, brownies!) because mum just never gave me chocs when I was a kid (and I really think the taste is revolting!). And it is because of mum that I have no fondness for sweet things, that I hate eating mee or anything in noodle form, that I have a strange love for milk and eggs and mushrooms and celery and seafood!
My brother thinks I'm very weird. But that's because he eats everything. Including the food off my plate. I always knew there was something wrong when people said I was such a skinny child and my brother was a roly poly pig!
I'm blathering... I don't even know if that's a real word...



Twilight

It was a twilight evening
When the sky spun rosy hues
I lost my soul down the woodland path
To the seductive lure of my view
The sweet scent of grass tranquillised me
The faint glow of light mesmerised
My mind swept away by the winds lullaby
Traded my soul for that beauteous prize
And as the sky melted into darkness
My soul danced a waltz with the breeze
Exhilaration permitted perchance a journey
Of an insight to the world of dreams
And as I drew near the end of the path
With reality waiting at its foot
I sighed as my soul remained trapped inside
Twilight’s timeless youth

When I was in Eton Hall, I always returned to my hostel around sunset. And for all that Eton Hall was the hostel of horror, the surrounding landscape was just mesmerising! You have to see it to believe such a place exists... like a land spun out of a fairy tale, from the lush green valleys that we traversed across when we had nothing to do to the quaint houses we would walk past wondering who lived inside them, and the houses we thought were haunted, the confusing roads we'd try to figure out, the deserted hospital which let our imaginations run as to why it was deserted, Eton Hall really was a beautiful place.

I forgot to put a poem... I'm getting old...

I think if I live
In this life
I just don’t want to know
What’s going on
Beyond my rose coloured window
Close my eyes to what
Is going on
In the dark shadows
Of the Devil’s cloak
I don’t want it
To tug at my heart
Not with my hands bound
Behind my back
And I can’t reach out to touch no one

Blogger ate yesterday's blog. Buggy blogger.

Whenever I think my government cannot sink any lower in ridiculous ideas, they come up with National Service to prove me wrong.
[Looks up into the heavens and wails: Why, God? Why???]
As I read through the NS outline in The Star (National Service for 18-year-olds to start in February) I just cannot accept that my poor brother has a 1 in 5 chance of being subjected to this idiotic jab at restoring patriotism in the young. Please, please, give me something to believe that the government is NOT run by hare-brained poofs!
The more I think about it, the more I cannot accept that something as major as National Service is being implemented without any justification. To quote the Defence Minister, Najib (the guy who totally screwed up the Education Ministry by doing close to nothing!) : Malaysia’s National Service Programme (is)different from those implemented in other countries because its main thrust (is) to promote national unity, and not for defence purposes.
I know I'm not very logical most of the time, but even I know that 3 months in what looks like summer camp is NOT going to promote national unity anymore than 11-13 years of national education! And how do we know that the 100,000 selected guinea pigs are right for NS? If the objective of NS is not for defence purposes, why are they going to be taught to handle guns and other fire-arms? And what about the compensation for loss of education during those 3 months? And this country doesn't have the adequate facilities for National Service, do they not realise that deaths have occured in National Service? Are the instructors qualified to handle these young children barely out of teenhood? And the flaming idiocy of it all is that our country is too proud to ask any other country for assistance. Not even Singapore who has been running National Service successfully for decades (although I'm not sure how successfully since some slut plays warcraft 3 from 9-5 everyday).
I know 15 guys who are very dear to me who are currently serving National Service in Singapore. I don't see them anymore patriotic then when they were in junior college, unless they are picking on me for being Malaysian. Even Greg, who tells me every 20 minutes "Do you know why NS is good for you?", balks at the idea of NS in Malaysia.
It. Just. Won't. Work.
How can something like this work when it has been drafted out in a matter of months?
No that isn't the point.
The point is that it's baseless! It's just NOT JUSTIFIED!!!

Since some obnoxious person DEMANDS that I blog... so here, I shall blog!
*pigs shake their heads in dissapointment... tsk tsk tsk*

Been AOL for the past few days because after my Econs paper 3 ended on Friday the 13th, my brain took no pay leave and I've been drifting around in blissful idiocy ever since. Here's a brief run through of what I've been up to (be thankful it has nothing to do with you!)
1. Went shopping in KL, got caught in rain, mum freaked out because was afraid we'd get caught in a flood, drove home in F1 style (mum drove, thank goodness!), arrived home to find PJ all sun-shiny!
2. Started on Colleen McCollough's Thornbirds. Cannot put it down! Explains blogging absence.
3. Nearly had to watch What a Girl Wants with sister. Think Amanda Bynes is a better actress than Hilary Duff, but still watch Lizzie Mcguire anyhow.
4. Listened to my father talk about the horrors of May 13, 1969 and how he cheated death by ponteng-ing the last class of the day, and cycling through Chow Kit road back to my aunty's house only to hear upon his arrival that 20 people had been killed in the massacre along Chow Kit.
5. Cooked dinner for my daddy, who thankfully had the sense to ponteng classes at the right time so I could be here today! And who also is a terrible liar because he said my Caesar salad was very good. It couldn't be! I totally did not follow the recipe and invented my own along the way!
Happy Father's Day, Daddy!

I
Boredom
Mind piercing
Agonising
Boredom

II
A pencil in my hand
Wields chasing dreams in my head
On to paper, things unsaid

III
Boredom
A template for imagination
The virgin of dreams being formed into reality
It’s all crap
I’m just plain bored

I had Mohammed Haji Salleh in mind when I wrote this. Remember Rain? In retrospect, I did like the poem... and when it rains I often think of threads from heaven, babies in cradles, and fathers turning their backs on the world in slumber.
Oh and I tend to write ALOT of poems about boredom... especially when I'm bored! It's ironic!

Finally, Sachpal gave me something to do! You're an Angel, Pal... only on certain days.

1. Society states that love alone can make a person happy. What is your opinion about it?

I wish it could. But then, love like all emotions is irrational, unquantifiable and abstract. (So is happiness, but that's another GP essay). Love has several degrees and dimensions, not to forget connotations, so I personally think that such a vague question deserves a vague answer.
I don't agree with Pal that love + money is the answer. You could be the Queen of England (I'm sure she's loved by at least some) and still not be happy.
Happiness itself is not something that can be generalised. What makes you happy? Chatting with your best friends? Seeing a baby smile? Receiving a compliment? Scoring straight As? Playing Warcraft 3? Your pet hamster? Sex? ... There isn't one answer, there isn't even a correct answer, furthermore what satisfies you changes with time (and if you allow me to ramble even further I'll start bring in the Marginal Utility Theory). This is the problem with creating statements that are just too general.
It's a roundabout debate because there aren't enough parameters. But I won't discount love. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

2. What is your take on portraying a false image?

I don't think anyone wants to portray a false image intentionally. It all boils down to acceptance, even now there are still bits and pieces of me I can't accept, so I wear masks. Many people have double personalities. Sometimes I think I have triple, quadruple, quintuple... Is that a false image? I don't know. Sometimes it seems like a matter of survival. Our peer environments can be so hostile and no one wants to feel left out.

3. Life has become more like a rat race in this century.

Rat race is Western. Here we call it kiasuism. Aye, I totally agree. Everyone is biting and clawing their way to the top... and I'm being pulled along by the current as well... Somedays I feel like I can only hold my head up high because I got great SPM results, or because I was an ASEAN scholar, or because I was in RJ or because I got into an Ivy League and a top UK university, or because I'm going to attain a proffesional degree in Engineering and not some fluffy social science degree (sniff!)... but where am I going to hide my face when God says that all those things don't count on judgement day?

4. Some say premarital sex is bad. What is your opinion?

Seeing how marriage as an institution is slowly disintegrating... I don't know. I don't condemn it, I don't condone it. It's a matter of whether you can handle it...

5. Pornography. Good or Bad?

Haha... this is bloody controversial. Pornography puts alot of pressure on sex and satisfaction, etc. etc. But some guys say it's educational (*rolls eyes*). Whatever! It gives you guys (and some girls) kicks and as long as you're not out there commiting crimes later on... and you don't really believe that sex is as good as it looks on tv!

6. What’s you take on death? What about personal feelings regarding death?

There's only one thing about death that scares me... would you know my name, if I saw you in Heaven? Would you be the same, if I saw you in Heaven?

7. What are your comments about society?

I live in a happy little society where everyone looks out only for their own interest. They criticise the authorities for not looking out for them but don't even know their next door neighbour's name. They demand the rights of a developed nation (higher salaries, shorter working days) while simply forgetting that there are regions in this country with no telephone lines or water utilities yet. They want quick profits with minimum effort. They want short cuts to everything, even if its education. And especially if they are not bumiputeras they believe they owe the system nothing since the system worked against them from the start.
*cough*
Sorry, got carried away. But my society isn't that bad if you ignore it's flaws.

8. What are the important criteria you look for in a guy/girl?

Curly hair isn't one of them. *glare*. I think it would be that I have to feel completely comfortable with him, that I can tell him anything and he won't think less of me (even when I tell him about all the terrible things I've done to other guys, or when he discovers that I can be a nasty, stubborn little twerp). And most importantly I have to feel that I can be myself in front of him, no masks, no pretense... just me. Oh and if he's a snag (or even pretends to be... YOU tricked me!), he won't need a magnet!

9. Friends. Are they important?

Yes! You don't need a rocket scientist to tell explain that to you!

10. Lastly, what are your observations regarding people around you? (E.g. neighbourhood, university, etc.)

I thought I answered a similar question above? Oh well, I don't know. The only people I see nowadays are my mum, my dad, my bro and my sis. They are all generally nice people.
My neighbourhood is really quiet. Next door is a family with 4 boys (aged between 24 and 6) and my siblings and I make more noise than they do (of course we have the advantage of owning a piano, a violin, 4 guitars, a stereo system and well developed lungs).
My college... LOL... no, you don't want me to get started on my college, please! Lets just say that in 20 years time if you gave me a list of the most successful people in the world, I gurantee you most of them would be my college mates. I'm just hoping my classmates will still remember me and how I helped them with their essays when they become premier of China.

What prep label are you?

I'm very bored... oh so very bored...

I have a wish
That purple clouds
And jewel crusted stars
Would always exist
Knowing I’ve come this far
I’m stirring storms
Walking on fire
And yet I’d do it all again
If sleeping on thorns
Flying much higher
I can’t feel the pain
And I’d keep on going
Course there’s a savage beauty out there
And joy won’t taste
So sweet without the bitterness

Plain ramblings... I was drunk or similar...

Which Smallville character are you?


hmm... hehe... this is why i'm just charlotte sometimes...

Boredom inflicts
The night skyline
With its enticing spectrum
Of puffy sunsets
And seduces me
In whispers to leave my desk
And haunt nigh for life!

I bounced out of bed at 7 am this morning after going to sleep at 2am last night. Monday mornings are gym mornings where my mum drags me to the gym to try and eradicate the fat in my thighs which she claims have become even fatter since I skipped last Monday's workout. Where does she get her bionic eyesight from that somehow notices diameter changes in my thighs, because I obviously never inherited it from her!

So I was doing squats (which I believe are terrible for my knees but my mum says its a sure fire way for obtaining cameron diaz type legs... ever noticed how sure fire ways never work, mum?) when this lady in her 50s called Aunty Sarah pushes her amazing rings of spare tyres through the doors of the gym and nearly blinds me with her psychedelic gym outfit. I swear there should be a ban on people displaying oozing fat beneath purple tank tops, white tights, shocking pink socks and a turquoise scarf (SCARF??? Who wears scarves in a gym???). As I was reaching squat number 15, Aunty Sarah approached me and loudly proclaims: xiao mei, ni si huan F4, dui bu dui? na, wo gei ni zhe ge F4 tissue packet... ni kan, piao liang ma? ni si huan na ge? (translates as: little girl, you like F4 right? nah, i give you this F4 tissue packet... you see, beautiful or not? which one do you like?)... I didn't know whether to laugh or cringe, but I hear you can die slowly from suffocation if anyone more than twice your weight sits on you... so I decided to smile and accept the tissue packet. For that, she also tossed in a photo of one of those F4 gays free of charge. I'm beginning to rethink whether going to the gym is a good thing or not...

After giving up on eradicating fat, I went down to the library and picked up the latest issue of Cleo. Oh, look, Cleo's Most Eligible bachelor has been announced. Turns to page. AAAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!!! It's one of my dentists!!! No way! No WAY! And... ew! He's definitely NOT photogenic! He looks so much better in real life!

And to cap off the day, I spent the afternoon and evening with Sugi and the ensemble of Sachpal, Jere and Prashant. Laugh, people, laugh! I think I am certifiably completely numb to guys and their derogatory comments. Bbians will be bbians will be bbians.

*Pigs wave at no one in particular... no one in particular... parallel or perpendicular...*

Old friend,
Did time ever tell you
Our paths would one day intertwine
And we’d step in line
In this valley of sunshine
Between mountains of gloom
If you could look into
The looking glass
Would you have known
You’d find someone
Just like you
On the other side
Waiting and wishing
For a heart that would listen
And a smile that won’t fade
Did I just only meet you?
Time must have several dimensions
Because I’m sure I’ve known you
All along…

Charlotte Yeow is worth exactly $1,827,560.00
Can you afford me?

Newsflash: Greg got into NUS Medicine!! *beam*
Charm got Law
Baa got Engineering
Hooi Ying - Law
Kuan Yen - Comp Eng
Me - Engineering (but like everyone says... not like it really matters)
Well it damn well matters! What if UK comes down with some SARS like epidemic? At least I'll have somewhere to go to.

I finished off my Paper 1 and Paper 2 for Econs today, hand hurts... I now remember what I didn't like about humanities subjects... all that writing! Not like numbers. Short and sweet! 1 + 1 always equals 2... unless we're talking about linear spaces... ouch *headache*


Down the same path
I’ve walked before…
Treading on similar cracks
But I can see the sun
Through each glistening
Foliage of leaves
That leaves me wondering
Should I walk on?
Each step
Till my heart says yes
To a new journey
Down this old, old road
I’ve forgotten the way
Forgotten whether it was
Friend or foe
Beckoning me to go
I can’t
Can’t tell
So let it bring me there again
I don’t
Can’t care
As long as you are
Walking it with me

Had an unexpectedly good time at the ASEAN scholars reunion hosted by the Singapore High Commissioner (Who is a Rafflesian and reminds me of **Vivian Balakrishnan... I have always had an aversion to Vivian Balakrishnan since having had the misfortune of listening to his politically correct speeches at several functions)
The food was actually good! After all the crap Singapore fed me for 2 years, I was pleasantly surprised by the spread of roast lamb, popiah, char kuay teow, rojak, nonya kuih and ice kacang. Three cheers for the High Comm for having had the foresight to employ Malaysian caterers! With the exception of having misheard someone say "try the clams. Its good" when they actually meant "try the LAMB" and thus I spent quite a while searching for non-existent clams, I was pretty satisfied.
And the meeting up with old friends was the best part! There was so much to talk about: "What have you been doing?" "Are you working?" "Where are you going?" "What will you be studying?" "Are you going back to Singapore?" "So is your curly haired boyfriend in OCS?"
Ok, only one person asked the last question, and proceeded to hound me about it the whole night. I refuse to talk to YOU anymore!
Meeting Aseans from ages ago was cool too! There were people there who were scholars even before I was born!!
I went home with a mild headache though... a result of gulping down half a glass of red wine in my hurry to talk to Ling (whom I hadn't seen since I moved out of Eton hall a year and a half ago). When will I learn that the golden rule is to sip not gulp? Ow...
And I really hope no one attributed my gabbering away non-stop to the copious amounts of alcohol in the room... but as one senior said "Drink up! Singapore paid for our education, so why shouldn't we just milk them dry on the alcohol too?" (I noticed too that his face was very red and that he seemed a little unsteady...)


** Vivian Balakrishnan is an up and rising Singaporean politician who's in a perfect position coming from a mixed parentage (read: racial intergration), well educated (read: a successful product of the Singaporean education system), charming (read: always politically correct) and in line to take over from the Gohs and Lees of the last generation. And yeah, Vivian is a HE.

I can't tell the difference between a good Econs paper or a bad Econs paper... after all I've only been studying the subject for the last 5 months! So, I can't really tell how I fared in today's paper at all. Not too badly I hope. God, if you're listening now, I still would like that C please... really!

Tonight I will be attending a dinner at the Singapore High Commission, hosted by the Singapore High Commissioner. The attire says smart casual/working attire, and I don't know what to wear! I can never figure out this smart casual thing. My mum says I have a cupboard choked full of smart casual stuff. Where, mum? Because I don't see anything casual enough to be smart or smart enough to be casual. I've got plenty of casual casual stuff (spag straps, sports tops, day dresses, jeans, jeans and oh... here's a pair of khakis), and i've got formal formal stuff (long skirts, gowns)... but where are my smart casual clothes???

And how dare you ditch me now, mum, and go shopping at Little India when I have an important function tonight??!! Tsk! Priorities!!!

[plucked out from random readings... which I should avoid the night before Econs Paper 4]
Many, if not most, teenagers write poetry. Most of it is bad. Fortunately, this poetry, like many communicable childhood diseases such as mumps, chickenpox and measles, afflicts its authors for a short time and then they are forever immune to the pathogen. Of course, these "poems" are sincere, but as Oscar Wilde advised us, "all bad poetry is sincere." These “journals” - notebooks filled with angst, self-loathing, raging egotism and cryptic marginalia - are then shut forever, packed away in mom and dad’s attic, forgotten, and if there is any justice in the universe, eventually incinerated.

[To read more : Stupid Poetry, Arrogant Poets]

ps: Erm... on second thought, had better credit the link to Grace.

pps: Also remembered that the mug x 12 - coffee thing also belongs to Grace.

Aaaaahhhh!!!
Econs Paper 4 tomorrow!!!
Mug Mug Mug Mug Mug Mug Mug Mug Mug Mug Mug Mug ... Coffee?
*giggles*

I'm going nuts
Pray for me!

I’m living fine on the outside
Not telling you what’s really going on inside
This mind
This heart
Wish they weren’t two worlds apart
This time I’ll try
But forgive me ‘cause I
I’ve forgotten how to let my heart fly
You can’t save me
There’s too much of this wicked world under my skin
It doesn’t hurt me,
But I know it’s there…

When you feel there's too much of the real world in you, you begin to become numb, forget yourself and your pain and your real thoughts... and eventually become ditzy (that's ditzy not dizzy) - I'm the final product right before you. Sunshine and june bugs. I'm NOT living in de nile... I've just blocked it out of my memory. Really, I'm NOT!!

Hurt me

Cruel words
Blistered courage
Live your way; face to the ground
I’m broken down
The sky’s grey motif
Doesn’t help
As if it’s goading you on…

I'm terza rima, and I talk and smile. Where others lock their rhymes and thoughts away I let mine out, and chatter all the while. I'm rarely on my own - a wasted day Is any day that's spent without a friend, With nothing much to do or hear or say. I like to be with people, and depend On company for being entertained; Which seems a good solution, in the end. What Poetry Form Are You?

Spent the whole morning reading the papers instead of studying (come on! get your fat ass off the couch and start force feeding yourself on National Income...grrrr... ooh! I give up!)
Some very good articles caught my eye. Take the time to read it, if you please...
Picking friends from war rubble by Bunn Nagara - very insightful, very concise... a little tongue in cheek "take that you star spangled bush hugging idiots!" but VERY diplomatic!
Good that Singapore Dream is over by Laurel Teo - if you, like me, understand Singapore's 5 Cs (Cash, Credit Card, Car, Condo and Career... did I get that right?) you can smile at this article. If you don't, never mind... we KL-ites can relate to it too. (By the way, this article is from Singapore's Straits Times)
Ipoh City Council not a 'moral guardian' by Wong Chun Wai (heh, almost similar to my class rep's name... Wong Cheong Wai... er... he was Wong wasn't he?) - Yay! Someone who agreed with me, albeit for a slightly different reason.
Happy reading

Aargh!!! Hit Me Baby One More Time is playing incessantly on the PS2! My sister and her friends are jumping around on some PS2 dance mat thing, and I swear that Britney Spears' back is feeling the brunt of all my curses right now, because I cannot force feed a chapter on Labour Markets into my head in one hour when a ghastly sore-throaty "Oh baby, baby" is resounding from down stairs!!! My MP3 player is also on a vengeance today. Too lazy to configure a playlist, I've let it randomly pick songs off my entire list, and today it's gotten addicted to N*Sync and 98 Degrees!! I'm tired of pressing the 'next' button. Now it's playing Dido... and that's really depressing. I like Dido at any other time. But 4 days before an Economics paper? That's suicidal.
Song reverberating through my head at the moment is Gordon Lightfoot's 'If you could read my mind'. Catchy in a melancholic way...

Look again

Notice…
That the sun rises a little higher now
The grass blades painted a brighter shade of green

Unknown before…
The sweet morning song of sparrows
The soothing lilt of the wind

Smile now…
At the joyful dance of raindrops
And the taste of sweet air on the tip of your tongue

Look now at the same world
Standing on the other side of the looking glass
With the sun on your side, we are one…

The first step is always acceptance.

I'm waging a war on TV3. They cancelled SCRUBS! How. Can. They??? Don't they know they shouldn't pull a series with loyal followers off the air waves without any warning? Ooooh!!!! TV3, feel my wrath!!!
(like hell, what really can I do? Puny little viewer me)

Why Charlotte Sometimes...?
quote Jewel:
Sometimes it be that way

This article appeared in the Star today
Student to sue over summons

My initial reaction on reading it was "You mean that's not allowed?"
I don't really know what the laws on PDA are in my own country. I've heard one of two things from friends like you can't make out in a car or kiss in public parks... but hey, I thought those were rumours!!! You mean to say you guys weren't kidding me all this while???

When I was in Singapore, PDA was accepted (I said accepted NOT encouraged!) everywhere! Buses, MRTs, parks, along Orchard Road, at any time you could see couples, holding hands, hugging, kissing, NORMAL displays of affection and no police officers come running up to you to tap you on the shoulder (and this IS a big deal in the country where you'd be damned to drop a sweet wrapper on the floor). My guess is that Singapore's uptight and rule crazy officials are closing one eye on this matter due to the declining rate of the Singapore population (i.e: Singaporeans are not producing enough Singaporean babies!). Coupled with the new 'Romancing Singapore' scheme (I'm serious! It's a really government scheme!), you won't see PDA being wiped out anytime soon.

So imagine my surprise to come back to this country and find that the rules of the game here are just not the same. Last December, Greg and I went to KLCC to have lunch with my cousin Ming Yin and her boyfriend Adrian (both studying in Melbourne Uni). While waiting for Ming to show up, Greg and I noticed that we were the only couple holding hands. Unless it was "Celebrate Single-hood" day, there really could be no reason for every guy and girl we saw walking together to be in a platonic relationship! It was really unnerving to see such a conservative sight! It wasn't until Ming appeared arm in arm with Adrian that I felt like I wasn't in the twilight zone anymore.

Did I miss out something when they were handing out the rules on dating ettiquette? We all know how I'm a by-the-book freak!

A whirlwind just passed
Took my life with it
And turned it upside down
And now it laughs at me
As it watches me
Slowly piece back the pieces
Into their unfamiliar slots
But there’s one missing picture of you
And I’m afraid I’ll forget
It was ever there in the start

Ditto yesterday's poem

Happy Birthday Sweetheart!!! Sorry, no surprises like last year. Can't take a bus down and appear at your army camp only to hear you say "I knew you'd do that!". No great presents like last year's climbing shoes, no romantic dinners and basically - no me! I know I can't make up for it and it kills me that it's going to be like that for the next 5 or 6 years... and maybe even forever. But I'm not going to dwell on that right now. Have fun in your last teenage year! And if anything goes wrong on your special day, I'll make up for it by loving you more!

I did some crazy things today
I spent RM32 posting Greg's birthday present to him... and that cost more than the present itself!
I drove the wrong way down a one way street, got stuck for 20 minutes (it seemed that long to me), caused a major bottle neck jam.
I killed 10 mosquitoes in my car alone. My mum left the window down last night.
I sat down and studied econs for 3 hours. I finished 1 major chapter. The first one. The easiest one. Tonight I'll look into elasticities.

In reply to the poem on Daryan's blog... Love is that great mystery that makes us accept everything unconditionally... even ourselves.


No one feels the silence
But you’re gone
Like a silver breeze vanishing…
Melting away…
Melting me
Cause I don’t know why
The emptiness hurts more than pain
And I want to know why
If you weren’t going to stay
Why did you come into my life at all
So now I’ll laugh lonely laughs
And talk lonely talks
There’s no one here to break the silence
It’s become too familiar now you’re gone


It's funny how you can get so attached to people after knowing them only for a few months. Maybe its because they were the only things you could find refuge in. This is for Zi Shen and Anthony.
Zi Shen, who always called me aunty, who made me laugh at jokes so corny they would make a jagung blush, who never let any of the girls walk to or from school alone, who played badminton with me even though I was as lousy as crap, who was our unspoken leader and beacon of light, who left to take up a JPA scholarship so that he could go to Stanford... and there he is now...
Anthony, our dear gentle giant, with his umbrellas in case he ever got the chance to shield a fair damsel from the rain, and apple strudels for bribing us, whose piano playing awed us, who'd get the girls our soups during dinner then declare that he'd never marry any one of us before walking off haughtily, who left to take up a JPA scholarship because he wasn't happy in Singapore, who's going to become a doctor instead of the musician he always wanted to be...
I missed you guys all the time I was in Eton. The void you guys left made me throw myself totally into ODAC, because I couldn't bear going back to the hostel, knowing I'd be alone, that there wouldn't really be anyone to talk to or laugh with. Luckily things got better as time went on. I know I wasn't the only one who felt that way. Here's a poem by Hooi Ying, its a pity you guys didn't get the chance to read it before you left:

JUST A FLEETING MOMENT

When first we came to this peculiar place,
And got to know each other,
We thought we would spend our nights and our days,
Together in the next two years.

There were some difficulties that we weathered,
Some roads we travelled together ,
But later you decided,
That another path was better.

The halls will never again sound,
With your voices or laughter,
But still sweet memories abound ,
Of the times we were together.

Was it chance that brought us over,
From places miles apart,
Is it fate that keeps us together,
Or deems that we should part?

But let us not think of what might have been,
And wipe from our hearts the sorrow,
We shall each pursue our individual dreams,
For a better and brighter tomorrow.

- Looi Hooi Ying, ASEAN scholar


This is dedicated to:
Lye Theng Pui Man Meng Wai Big Grace Chun Hong Ming Hoong Kian Hong Sylvia
Wee Siong Peter Bong Chao Hong Mong Peng Sing Eek

Not forgetting:
Zi Shen Anthony

And all who went back.

I feel the night calling my name
In sweet serenade
Seducing in whispers
As my thoughts fade away
It knows I am weary…
Yes it knows I am weak…
Luring me in its darkness
Of dreams and sleep

I used to come back from college really tired after late training and long dinners and then turn to my work with only half my mind on it and eventually fall asleep before I'd even started on my assignments.

The depression bug is in the air...
It's hovering nearer and nearer and I'm afraid it will land on me.
In just the span of a week I've spoken to or e-mailed more than 5 people who've been feeling out of sorts, and even though you might think that depression is contagious, ironically it has cured me of the beginning of MY own depression because I tend to put my troubles out of the picture and listen to what my friends have to say. And after that I completely forget why I was even feeling down in the first place. Thank God for my really short memory span!

Today while I was outside Taylors after my econs class, a girl approached me and asked if I would take part in a survey on SARS. I thought it must be one of those college project things (Moral related and usually not worth the effort for the grade) but I was in a good samaritan mood so I agreed. The survey was a really simple questionaire and I breezed through the SARS questions, however the last question caught me by surprise:
"If you were given the chance to accept Jesus in your life and to get to know him, would you? Yes, No or Maybe?"
My first thoughts were: uh-oh... it's one of those Christian recruitment things! Get me out of here!
And sure enough the girl began to ask me stuff like which college are you from? Oh I don't study here, I'm a foreign student. Oh, where are you from? Singapore (Hey! I was telling the truth! I'm not a local student and I did study in Singapore) So do you know Jesus? I'm a Christian (Or do you NOT recognise a crucifix when you see one? It's hanging around my neck for heavens sakes!) And which church do you go to in Singapore? Holy Cross. Well I'm from the Sea Park Baptist Church, and I'm from *(--some group or other, I don't remember the name--)*. Well that's nice (Oh no!! She's a Baptist! Don't mention the word Catholic!). I'm also involved in my college's Christian society and I used to be on the commitee for my schools Catholic group (NO!!! I said the word Catholic!!! I'm dead meat!) Oh, so do you say prayers to accept Jesus as your Lord and Saviour? Er, well I obviously have to since I had to lead my own Christian society. (I mean, no I don't have to accept Jesus in order to help other people believe in him, is that what you are trying to say?) And so you studied about Jesus all your life? Er, yeah... since I was born (HELLO??? I'm a Catholic! Cathechism classes are serious business in the Catholic Church! We've been brought up on a strict diet of Catholic rules since the day we were born!) So when did you accept Jesus? When? I can't exactly say when! It's not something that happens at a moments notice. Well, you know alot of Christians don't really accept Jesus and *blah blah blah... please insert your own patronising words here pointing towards the fact that I am a unrepentant Christian who takes my religion for granted... blah blah blah* Oh, I'm sorry, I think my relative is here to pick me up. Gotta go. But thanks! And keep it up!
I quickly ran to my mum's car, and only when I got in did I realise: Damn! She conned me! She made me do a survey on SARS but ended up trying to convert me! Hello? That's cheating!!!
Look, I don't advocate mass conversion. I don't believe in going out there and pulling people to church. I think people should stop knocking on my door and waving the Bible at me and asking "When was the last time you met God?". I meet Him everyday, thank you very much! And if you really want to spread the word of God, its not going to come out clearly just by catching unfortunate victims on the street and preaching to them about your gracious Lord and saviour. No, it really doesn't work that way. I think the only way is to live your life in a normal but Christian way. Actions speak louder than words anyday. I remember a Sunday school teacher saying: people are attracted by our actions, not by how loud or long we preach. And I say Amen to that!

Cold

It feels cold
The night breeze rushes in
Running its cold fingers
Through my soul
But it can’t grasp it
Because my soul is
a thousand miles away
Where hot breezes blow
And night kisses never cease
But its just a mocking fantasy
I won’t go back, can’t go back
Though
It feels colder here…

(09/04/01)

It was really literally cold in Singapore. I lived in an air conditioned room and had to take baths without hot water on rainy days and after returning from training late at night. It's no fun having to take a cold bath and then trying to dry your hair in an air-conditioned room. Most nights I'd be so tired I'd just fall asleep, wet hair and all...

Yesterday my mother's old college friend commited suicide. She was the founder of the Petaling Jaya Community Centre, a place where I regularly go with my mum to discard old junk items that we no longer use. My mum's friend always somehow found a use for them, or else recycled them. I've only met her once or twice, but her absence has permeated my entire house. My parents old college mates are ringing non-stop and of course gossip is in the air as to the reason for suicide.
Suicide strikes a very real fear in me. No I've never attempted it, never even thought of it. But those dark form 2 days have left a scar on some of us that will never rub off, that will leave us cold everytime we hear of suicide, that will make us cynical everytime someone mentions they might try it, that will force us to try and forget the pain and fear we felt thinking it might happen, and the anger we felt in the end.
And at the end of the day... life is worth every minute of living it!

Rainbows (09/04/01)

Do you see rainbows?
Not me, not yet,
Not in this place…
Which has turned cold and grey
I know they exist
In some forgotten sphere
But the key to that realm
Have I consciously lost
In my struggle to remain cold and grey
Have I forgotten my soul?

I think I made a mistake. I thought yesterday was the 20th. I'm sorry Shaun. Here. I'll wish you again for a second time.
Happy Birthday Shaun - You Mad Monkey You!

ahem!

It's so hot today I believe heaven is having a baking spree. I'm already stripped down to a tank top and old school short... any less and I'd be arrested for indecent exposure. I used to do that in my single room in my hostel on sweltering hot afternoons until someone told me it's against the law to walk around undressed in your own home. Considering that the hostel wasn't really my 'home' and Singapore's obsession with fining people I decided it wasn't worth the risk.

Ode to Sylvia

Skies don’t turn blue on their own,
She said
I like to make mine
A brilliant shade of pink
I’m not indebted to traditional favour
I just don’t give a damn
What they think

I looked to the heavens
At its rosy hue
And shared with it a sorry sigh
Then the clouds moved in
And the rain conquered all…
… and all she could do was cry

Alas foolish one,
Skies are beyond our dreams
Con our souls not…
It’s the hard truth
And when it storms
Why turn your back on blue skies
They may prove the better
For you…

(27/03/01)

Sylvia was one of my first 3 room mates when I moved into Eton Hall (the desecrated hostel of evil, the dungeon of despair, the... sorry, got carried away). Since she was my only room mate who wasn't from China we hit off immediately. We were both Catholic, from girl schools and we even had the same Chinese names! But, Sylvia was different. Not just different from me, but a distinctly different person from the rest of the scholars at Eton. She was a part of the 30 scholars who were sent to St. Andrews Junior College (a BIG contrast to the teeny group that consisted of 9 'elite' Raffles scholars).
Ok, take it from me... surviving the ASEAN scholar ordeal isn't easy. If I had to publish a book on tips to surviving the nightmare that is junior college in Singapore it would run along the lines of...
Rule no. 1: Try to fit in. I don't mean become completely Singaporean, but when in Rome, do as the Romans do. Individualism isn't meant to be cultivated in Singapore (unless you're from RJ Humanities...)
Rule no. 2: Don't complain. Even if you think you deserve better, be happy with your lot and move on. Nobody cares about you alone... everything is for the good of the whole society. It's a utilitarian society here!
Rule no. 3: Don't break rules. This is the country of rules galore and challenging them will gurantee you a one way ticket home.
Sylvia broke all three rules and more, and her scholarship offer was withdrawn after 3 months on the grounds that she could not cope with life as a scholar. I agreed with them. I had pleaded with her to stop alienating her classmates and the St. Andrews scholars, to try and like her college, to stop going to the guys rooms and staying in there till after midnight, and to stop wishing she was in Raffles because all the glamour is not what it seems. I guess it was all useless when I came back from school one day to find a note on my table with Sylvia's last goodbye. But I know she's still keeping her chin up, maybe living in a world that is more accepting of individuals like her.

I've got a new shopping list out!
Things I need to do:
1. Replenish my supply of sunblock. KL weather is now set on sizzle and fry!
2. Get nice aromatherapy soap (especially the kind that will alleviate my headaches and compliment my panadol)
3. Oh yeah, get panadol.
4. Buy evenescence cd (alternative might be to drop by Sugi's house and download it since she has broadband... hmm...)
5. Check if Sugi is free and in good mood, then drop by her house on pretext of being a good friend! =)
6. Learn how to use an eye liner
7. Get new shoes, no better time to start on collection rivalling Imelda Marcos than now.
8. Get list of beauty regime stuff as suggested in CLEO (it's amazing how ignorant one can be without women's magazines!)
9. Nail new exercise regime to head... maybe then will stick to it! (Damn the return of the miniskirt!)
10. Finish Greg's birthday card. Not good to repeat mistake of 2001 when birthday present was given 1 month late!
11. Try to remember if I've forgotten any birthdays
12. Collect sunglasses that have been at spectacle shop collecting dust since March
13. Get new watch... time to lay my faithful 6 year old Swatch to rest.
14. Oh SHIT! HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHAUN!!!! I know you don't read my blog but hell, it's the thought that counts anyway doesn't it? HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY to SYET YIN too!! (Ok, now that's two things off my list)


Here, now…

Here, now…
It’s hard to form thoughts in my mind
To intend what my heart longs to say
For my heart has a song it wishes to sing
If perchance it wasn’t caged

Here, now…
What would it sing? In what tone or rhyme?
And would it be speaking the truth?
Will it dare whisper what my mask tries to hide
That in fact I do miss you…

(24/03/01)

Not for anyone in particular. Trying to hide homesickness behind a facade of steely convictions. Trying to let everyone think I was alright and I could survive in a harsh foreign land. I conned almost everyone... even myself!

>>>Note to self:
Remember to get glasses! Not because eye-sight is deteriorating (although must check with optometrist as still want to retain 20-20 vision) but because want to prevent eye-sight from deteriorating as will be working with computer screens (which emit harmful rays) ALOT. Maybe might look more intelligent with anti-glare glasses (no one would really know that glasses are not functional and merely for vanity sake). Some girls dig glasses on guys... so aren't there guys that dig glasses on girls?

Capricorn (23 Dec - 20 Jan)
Today remains a very good day giving you the opportunity to win status and loyalty from others, and you can explore into new areas that may very quickly produce long-term opportunities. The Moon in Capricorn can expand your horizons, so it may be a good day to make the attempt to meet up with new contacts. A strong Mars position gives you the energy and luck, while a strong Saturn position can give you support. It becomes a busy day so be prepared for last minute appointments. A good day to socialise and to travel.

[What the f***! So much for my puffy eyes and bleak out look on life.]

How is it after I've planned how I want to do things I always end up doing stuff my parents wanted me to do?
How is it after 2 years of missing home I am suffocating within the four walls of my house?
Why is it when all the hype about going to the University of my dreams dies down, do I start panicking about starting life all over again?
What kind of girl goes out for a movie with a guy who's attached?
What kind of boyfriend goes out for a movie with a girl he's hardly kept in touch with after spraining his ankle?
Why do I still read my horoscope when it is so bloody off point?!!

I just indentified a whole bunch of grammatical mistakes in my last blog. *tears at hair* THIS is precisely what happens when you become a full time science student in Singapore! Warning to any future ASEAN scholars: Do not attempt to communicate with the locals... it could be hazardous to your own speech! You start to speak in a droning tone and freely punctuate your sentences with 'liao', 'wahlau' and smatterings of hokkien and mandarin words (most common are 'chio bu', 'yan dao', 'dao', 'tiao')

Why do I have this feeling that blogger has censored my last blog? Did I miss something in the small print?

Last night I saw an aura around the moon... well it looked like that, a faint ring of light around the full moon. Not really sure what it meant, so I asked xiaokai, grace and sachpal to check the moon. No one came back with the same view of the moon. Hmm...

All I know is that I’m here
Living out a million other’s dreams
Yet I’m facing rock bottom
And I can’t even see the top
Let alone reach it

I haven't checked my mailbox for 4 days and voila! it is stack full with 115 junk mails telling me things like: 'she would stay if it were huge' and 'make it longer' (how the hell do you make something longer that isn't there in the first place?) and 'sloppy naked teens' (now, I know sloppy teens are bad, I mean I was definitely a sloppy teen before... but naked?? Now come on! That's too much for me to bear!). At the rate I am being encouraged to view perfect strangers 'getting it on' I think the world is getting sicker by the minute.
Now don't start saying "You PRUDE!". I accept the fact that all guys watch porn or have watched porn before and I don't throw the book at them for it. I accept the need for guys to sit around and talk about it in the most vulgar of circumstances (10 guys in a tent on top of Mt. Ophir come to mind... it's ironic that the 'decent' guys who didn't want to be included in the conversation were snuggling in a tent with 3 girls!) . I appreciate the fact that some guys are open enough to talk about it in front of me (although I'd appreciate it more if they minimised the "Charlotte, so how does a tampon work?" followed by guffaws, questions!). I also abhor the "So how far have you gone?" questions. Does no one respect privacy anymore?
I can't remember what my point was in the first place. Way too many interruptions in between. Oh darn... I just left my mailbox alone for a few hours and already someone's trying to catch my eye with naked hot chicks? Why are they no mails on naked hot blokes? These porn mails are SO sexist!

Angels stand outside my window
Calling and beckoning to my stone back
My tears drown out their voices
And I can’t feel at all.

The POEMS have returned! Here are some of my most utterly crap work! Written during my first 6 months in Singapore. *Sigh* those first 6 excrutiating months... a whirlwind of experiences. You can't imagine what a horrible ordeal it was for me to travel down to this tiny island all alone without knowing ANYBODY!
Psst... I'll let you in on a little secret. I HATE meeting new people!!! I am unbelievably shy and uncomfortable around people I don't know, especially if they are oozing with confidence and vigour. So much for being an 'interactor'. And many of you probably didn't know that the whole idea of going to a place where I didn't know a single person scared the hell out of me! It didn't help that I hadn't been to Singapore since I was 5! How I survived the initial first week is till this day a mystery to me because throughout that one week I felt like I wanted to run home!
Ok now that I've just talked a whole bunch of goobledeegook... I will try (I said TRY) to publish the poems I wrote in chronological order so that you can venture into the trials and tribulations of a scholar's life in Singapore...

Waiting is akin
To time rushing by
As buses pass you by
And the sky’s silver lining
Turns a threatening shade of grey
How much longer must I go on waiting?

When I first arrived in Singapore, I brought along the bare minimum. All my party clothes, my hair accesories, my make-up kit, anything that spoke of LIFE was left at home. My job here was to study and get through 2 years and come home. That's when the whole concept of waiting came to bear such a heavy weight on my mind. I found myself just waiting for 2 years to be up. And my life literally turned grey (It was the rainy season... and waking up every morning knowing that I will arrive at school half drenched and spend the entire day walking around in soggy socks was very very trying!). The phenomenon of travelling by bus (something I NEVER did in Malaysia) brought its own troubles which included walking to the bus stop only to find the bus you want pass you on the way and there is no way of chasing after it because this is Singapore and buses ONLY stop at bus stops (what do you think they are called that for?). The most ridiculous thing I ever did was miss 3 buses WHILE I was at a bus stop because I was so busy talking!!!
Anyhow, it was a good thing I woke up and decided that I shouldn't waste 2 years being a nerd. Ew!

1. What time is it? 7:16pm
2. Nickname? Charl? And that's because all of you are plain lazy to say SH-AR-L-ERT in full!
3. Parent's names? Teck Chai & Lai Ching (this would be a dangerous and stupid thing to volunteer in the presence of Odacians)
4. Number of candles on last cake? 20
5. Date that you regularly blow them out? 10th of January
6. Hair colour? Black, black, black... er... and black... (I checked in the mirror for your benefit)
7. How much do you love your job? Well, bumming around is only good for the first 2 months...
8. Favourite food? Anything that I don't have to foot the bill for
9. Hometown? SS2, Petaling Jaya, Selangor, Malaysia
10. Current residence? Like I'm going to tell you! Oh... wait! I did! Refer above
11. Been to Africa? Well, that depends... do you believe in out of body experiences?
12. Been toilet papering? No... but I learnt how to throw toilet paper into shower stalls while certain people are taking baths... (winks at Shan'er)
13. Have you ever loved someone so much it made you cry? Erm... if you did I recommend you see a good counselor... if it persists... see a psychiatrist, immediately!
14. Been in a car accident? No
15. Croutons or bacon bits? Neither. I can't take meat in the mornings
16. Sprite or Seven-up? I wonder why they even bother to have different brands! Talk about perfect substitutability! (Heh! I'm learning my econs well aren't I?)
17. Favourite Movie? Maybe Dead Poet's Society, maybe The Sound of Music, maybe even both X-men movies, maybe Chicago!
18. Favourite holiday? Any holiday that involves angpows or presents
19. Favourite day of the week? FRIDAY! Only night I don't feel pressured to do homework!
20. Favourite restaurant? If you're taking me there and treating me to a meal... that's definitely my favourite restaurant
21. Favourite toothpaste? How can anyone be fussy about toothpaste?
22. Favourite flower? Lilies and carnations
23. Favourite drink? Soya bean milk
24. Favourite sport to watch? Odac guys arm wrestling (it never fails to be hilarious... esp if some girls are involved too! grin)... actually, Odac guys taupok-ing is even more entertaining!
25. Preferred type of ice cream? English Toffee
26. Favourite Sesame Street Character? Ernie and Rubber Ducky!
26a. Favourite Muppet character? The poor stagehands who always end up in some accident or another
27. Disney or Warner Brothers? Disney... I'm a sucker for happy endings
28. Favourite fast food restaurant? Genki Sushi in Singapore... it's what I call Japanese fast food... because there is no faster way of getting food then when it's on a moving belt in front of you!
29. Who is the last person you got e-mail from? If I told you I'd have to kill you... oh but nevermind, Anushia isn't *that* important a person
30. Have you ever been convicted of a crime? If you ever saw me freak out when I forgot to wear my school badge to school, you'd know that question will never apply to me!
31. In what single store would you choose to max out your credit card? Urban & Co. (in Singapore... not here!)
32. What do you do most often when you are bored? I start thinking... which goes to show that I'm hardly ever bored!
33. Who is the friend that you are sending this e-mail to that lives the farthest away? Not applicable
34. Bedtime? No way! Not with you!
35. Who will respond to this message the quickest? Usually the Captain
36. Who is the least likely to respond? Sachpal, because he hates blogs
37. Favourite TV show? Scrubs! Friday Nights! 11pm! TV3! (If you're in Singapore it's Channel 5, Monday nights at 11pm) I'm telling you, you MUST watch it!
38. Last movie you saw? Lizzie Macguire The Movie... please somebody, shoot me!
39. Tattoos? tempting...
40. Favourite colour? Tanned skin...
41. Time finished: 8:43pm (so give me a break! I had dinner in between)

I'm sorry if anyone tuned in to the previous edition of my mother's day entry. It was unfinished and not meant to be read yet.
I just killed 3 mosquitoes, one after the other. I believe my house is infested!
I found some poems dating from my early days in Singapore. I'll put them up soon.
Stay tuned!

So as your mother sows, daughters will reap

Of every 10 Sunday morning masses I attend at St. Francis Xavier church, I'm usually late 8 times. Thus my brother and I are relegated to standing at the left wing of the church which I have named the Children's Corner. Why? Because crying, screaming toddlers and children that run about are not attractive in the main section of the church. Thus their parents are relegated to the open-air left wing of the church where their precious tots can scream till they're blue in the face and mummy or daddy can quickly hoist them over the shoulder and run towards the car-park without causing many heads to turn.
Yes I don't like kids. Yes I'm planning on having minimal or none at all. Yes I'll make a pretty scary mum.
Back to Sunday mass... I was watching these kids today (although I PROMISE I heard every word of the homily ok! You can test me!) and their mothers and I realised there were such distinct differences between these kids even though all of them were hardly older than 6 years. Now I have known these kids for the past 5 years. I saw them come into church as toddlers and babies, as their mothers took what was to become their permanent seats in the children's corner... and even after my 2 years in Singapore, I still recognise these kids and their personalities that haven't changed since I left, and neither have their mothers.
Take for example Mum number one. I call her the funky mum. She's probably in her early 30s and she looks confident and pleasant with a really cool short spiky hair-do that tells me she's definitely a new generation type of mother. She's always dressed in comfy young stuffy (baby-tees, nice fitting pants, denims...) and au naturel make up. In fact if it wasn't for her mild-mannered looking husband that reminds me of Calvin's dad from Calvin and Hobbes, I think this woman bears a striking similarity to Cherie! And she has these 2 lovely little girls that look extremely like her, and already at that young age they completely take after her. They are dressed in bright coloured t-shirts and cute little 3-quarters and look nice and comfy. And they are very comfortable with themselves too. They're never attention seeking and they're all nice and smiley and never scream. Except for the fact that they like to bring their colouring books to church and play with little toy cars around the toes of fellow parishioners, they could graduate into the main section of the church with no trouble at all! Way to go, mum!
Now on to mum number 2. I call her the bitchy mum. She looks exactly like every tarty KL secretary would look (no offense to KL secretaries), long ironed-straight hair, perfectly manicured long nails, clothes that try too hard (i.e. tight, short and tighter) and a perpetual "I smell something bad" look on her face. She has two kids. A boy and a girl. Now if I had her kids I would have spanked them, and locked them up WITHOUT bread and water until they promised to behave. They whine! They talk loudly! They fight! And they disturb everyone else! And then they run back to mum, and what does mum do? She just brushes them aside. She doesn't even look at them. If they tug at her arm she shrugs them off and pretends they're not there. When they go "Mum! Mum!" she doesn't answer. And since mum is nonchalant... so are the little monsters to the rest of the church. And the clothes those kids wear just scream brand names into our faces. The little girl today was dressed in one of those pretty but hot and stuffy frocks (that I used to wear when I was small and would saintly bear the itchiness because I was a terribly vain little girl) and would look like an angel if she wasn't reading the church bulletin out loud. Attention seeking mum, attention seeking kids... not a pretty picture!
Now mums number 3, 4 and 5 are the partridge family. They are all either sisters or sisters-in-law (I really can't tell... they are just one BIG family inclusive of grandma as the family matriarch) and I have been watching their brood of kids expand over the past 5 years (I think it totals 5 right now and 2 of the mums are pregnant again). Now it's really sweet the way they come to church as a family and sit together and look after each other's kids till I can't tell which kid belongs to whom. And as for the kids, it's so cute to see the way the older cousin takes the hand of her younger struggling toddler cousin and walks them around the church compound while mummy and daddy listen to the homily. Or when the baby cries, the cousins immediately come round to entertain it and stop it from wailing (some times it succeeds some times it doesn't... well there's only so much that baby's can take of hot Sunday mornings). And just as their parents look part of the affluently well dressed yet modest church crowd, so are the kids nicely dressed in smart Alice in Wonderland type of pinafores or dresses complete with Mary Jane shoes or little neatly pressed shirts tucked into little shorts and sit quietly in the church pews or else wander around on their own when they start to get fidgety. Now that's a clan of mothers to be proud of.
I also noticed during mass that all the husbands of mums number 1 to number 5 were almost similar in mien and character, that even clones would have more differing personalities. Therefore as a science student would my hypothesis that mum's are a critical factor in a child's personality hold true? I definitely think so (and so does my mum)
Today, I fought with my mother. She said I was too critical and blatant when I speak. I told her I talk just like her. We ended up apologising to each other.
Daughters will become their mothers. It's like a vicious cycle of life.
Happy Mother's Day

Berkeley University in California has banned students from China, Hong Kong and Singapore. Lets all have a moment of silence for my kiasu college mates who wanted to go to Berkeley.

I took the X-men test. I'm Gambit.
HUH?
Mysterious? Hard to get close to people? er... I'm not sure about this one. I wanted to be Rogue!

And the storm clouds roll nearer...

Everyone seems to be in a depressed mood lately. (When I say everyone I'm actually making a reference to my Singaporean and ASEAN friends... so sorry if I left you out). It's that season where you realise that :
a) You've made it into the University of your dreams and you have the grades to go... BUT there's this BIG problem about obtaining enough funds and scholarships and grants won't even give you a glance
b) You've made it into the University of your dreams but you're grades which were slightly off the mark just meant you missed the boat and you'll have take up your second choice in a course you don't want to do
c) You didn't make it into the University of your dreams, nor the course that you wanted... what the hell were they telling you when you were 10 years old and that you should always follow your dreams?
d) You just don't know where you are going right now... everything is bent on making your agony last longer as you hang in limbo...
It's a very very depressing season for us... (warning!!! the following is going to sound very arrogant)
We are the top scholars in our respective countries. We've studied in the top colleges in Singapore. And we aren't just brilliant at studying... we represent our colleges in stuff ranging from dance to electronics and olympiads... AND we've worked our asses off for those sparkling grades!
But... then we have just been cruelly brought back down to earth and realise that, hey! no one gets anywhere in this world without cash in the bank. Sigh...
And I'm feeling incredibly guilty for getting into the university of my dreams (2 of them in fact!), with less than sparkling grades and on a Goverment scholarship/loan at that...

Charm, Sherene, Venki, Baa, Hooi Ying, Yi Lin, Maggie... I'm praying for you guys...

I'm back!

And I'm raging mad!!! This morning I was kicked out of my sports club's library for... get this... wearing a SHORT SKIRT!!??!!
Alright, everyone knows I'm no rebel! I'm a stickler for rules 24-7! I grow pale when I'm asked to skip a lecture to attend important ODAC meetings (which I only did twice at most!). I always wore my uniform to perfection, buckle was always in place, kancing was never open. My hair accesories were always the right colour. My shoes the right shade. I even always wore the right socks to school... and in RJ, I NEVER had my shirt tucked out! It'd kill me to break any rule (except that coming late to school bit).
Even today, I checked every bit of my appearance before I entered the library. Now the library has some ridiculous rules... No shorts, no singlets, no sports skirts, no sleeveless blouses and no sweaty attire (which is fine by me although I think it's a little on the extremist side). So I walked right in, put my bag down and proceeded to the magazine section when I was stopped by the librarian who said "I'm sorry you can't wear shorts in the library". I looked down at my skirt (appr. 4 inches above my knees), "But I'm not wearing shorts! Are you blind or are you just uneducated enough not to know the difference?" Ok I didn't say the last bit, but I should have. The librarian (a young, Malay, dull witted looking bit-- ok I'm getting carried away) looked at me again and said, "I'm sorry, we don't allow skirts." I stared back at her and said "But that's not what it says on the club rules which are pasted on the library doors. There is NO rule saying I can't wear a skirt into the library". The young librarian gave a furtive glance at an older librarian wearing a tudung and glaring at me (what?? jealous?? Give me a break... just because I have a perkier ass than you do!) and turned back to me and said, "But mini skirts are not allowed". It was then that all hell broke lose! I have not worn a mini skirt since I was 15 and had skinny legs to my advantage... and I do believe that I have matured in my dressing and do not prance around KL in anything that would reveal more flesh than needs be!
"Mini skirt?? This is not a mini skirt! I have been allowed into the library many times before wearing skirts and it is NOT in your club rules!"
Without flinching the librarian had the audacity to reply, "If you don't leave I'm going to have to ask my boss to scold you."
Scold me??? How old does she think I am? Five?
"Fine!" I said "I'm going to complain" and under my breath "You'd better pray hard that I don't just make you lose your job"
I stormed out of the library, went straight to the club front desk, made a written complaint, then went straight to the hall where my mother was doing her line dancing and garnered support from all the aunties in the room who assured me that I was right in what I had done, telephoned my dad to whine until he agreed to see that my complain was looked into... and now I'm typing out a blog to vent my frustration!
I should wear a tag around me that says... think twice before accosting me and claiming that I have broken a rule! I will cause all hell to break lose for you!
But what I feel that I have been more wrongfully accused of is dressing in a way that was acceptable. I understand that some people think that sleeveless clothes are indecent. I'd understand if the hem of my skirt was just below my butt. And I totally agree that you shouldn't enter the library after you've just had a hearty game of tennis and are practically leaving a trail of sweat. But I don't see what is wrong with a young girl like me entering a library to do some reading (in these days when everyone complains that the young don't read enough) dressed in a t-shirt with sleeves and a skirt and proper shoes. For goodness sake! I thought I had a right to be proud that I'm living in KL and NOT Kelantan! Or maybe I've been mistaken all this while! Are you next going to insist that I can only enter the library if I'm wearing something completely unflattering? Or wait... that I can only enter the library if I look worse than the librarian. And I'm sorry that I make a skirt look good on me even if its slightly shorter than the length of my college skirt! I'm sorry that looks like a mini skirt to you, just because you have a skewed view of what is indecent!

I don't believe in best friends
A tryst is not a trust
I don't believe in true love
There's only room for lust
I don't believe in dreams
They turn ugly in the end
I don't believe in fairness
Things just twist and bend

I do believe in true friends
I believe that you are one
I do believe in giving love
It hurts when there is none
I do believe in living today
As if it were the last
I do believe in life itself
Plan tomorrow, forget the past

I don't have a best friend. I gave up on such things a long time ago. I'm sceptical about true love... unfortunately I've learnt love and lust have just got to work together somehow. I hate dreams, you always have to wake up. And things are never fair, as today has proven once again!

Where have all the poems gone?

Poetry is MIA at the moment. Because I can't find them.
Charlotte is also MIA at the moment. Because she can't find herself.

Don't go anywhere. We will return right after the break.

And just for the sake of saying it... I'm leaving the colour scheme as it is... I can't be bothered to change it no more... not when my comp hangs every 20 minutes or so...

Bloggers in Crime

Once upon a time there was Grace's blog. I read it and thought "How the hell does Grace say what she says with a straight face?". It's not difficult to picture Grace with her perfectly eloquent voice (albeit with a slight sardonic tinge) and serious eyes as she tells you what she has to say... and Grace never minces words about anything. But if you're not quick enough you won't catch the wicked grin she flashes after she's spoken. That's Grace's blog.
Then there was Xiaokai's blog... discovered when I wasn't supposed to discover it...
****** flashback to the past ******
"... but Xiaokai! It's a bloody public blog! Why am I not supposed to read it? Elitist, is it? Everyone can read except me!"
***** flashback to the present *****
... and it was nice to know that the guy who sat with you throughout boring Physics lectures, drew pigs on your physics notes (not very good ones at that... the pigs, I mean) and plotted evil scams in Cantonese with you, is actually a thinker, a seer, and has more to say than I ever gave him credit for. That's Xiaokai's blog.
Then there was the *She*Shu*Shueh* group blog, a blog that revolved around the mad trio of Chinese High Boarding School... Sherene, Shu Chen & Shueh Min... and our fellow boarders in crime... and our blog gave us the chance to connect and yell and scream about A levels and laugh and cry about ourselves and to just come out and say something whenever we felt like it. "Blog! Blog! Blog!" That's our group blog.
Then there was my blog... I took everything I admired from those blogs and brewed it into my Poetry Attic... MY blog... all mine! And it was supposed to be a secret... a private diary of my mind... and yes I can hear echoes of "... but Xiaokai! It's a public blog!". So what happens when you are discovered? Or when you discover that you have been discovered? That people are actually reading what you have to say when you thought the whole world had shut you out and couldn't care about your existence?
You keep on blogging and ignore the passer-bys... that's what you do...

The Shakespeare Innuendoes
Last night I watched 'The Complete Works of Shakespeare' as performed by that trio from Australia. If you haven't watched it... too bad! It's ending this Sunday and it's not worth missing! Go get tickets NOW!
First shock of the night: What the hell! My brother has bumped into 3 friends already and I don't even see anyone I know here!
Second shock of the night: All my brother's friends are taller than me! Where have those days gone when I could still look down at them and call them "BOYS!"
Third shock of the night: Bloody hell... it's 8:30 pm already and they still haven't dimmed the lights or told us to switch off our handpho - OH MY GOODNESS! It's Abdullah Badawi!! The acting Prime Minister and his family are coming in... and they're sitting just across from me... LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE!
Fourth shock of the night: Shakespeare was a horny bastard... or else he was definitely portrayed as one. The amount of sexual innuendos I witnessed last night... I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.... but I decided I shouldn't be a prude...

Best scene of the night: A tie between Othello's rap and Hamlet performed backwards!