The depression bug is in the air...
It's hovering nearer and nearer and I'm afraid it will land on me.
In just the span of a week I've spoken to or e-mailed more than 5 people who've been feeling out of sorts, and even though you might think that depression is contagious, ironically it has cured me of the beginning of MY own depression because I tend to put my troubles out of the picture and listen to what my friends have to say. And after that I completely forget why I was even feeling down in the first place. Thank God for my really short memory span!

Today while I was outside Taylors after my econs class, a girl approached me and asked if I would take part in a survey on SARS. I thought it must be one of those college project things (Moral related and usually not worth the effort for the grade) but I was in a good samaritan mood so I agreed. The survey was a really simple questionaire and I breezed through the SARS questions, however the last question caught me by surprise:
"If you were given the chance to accept Jesus in your life and to get to know him, would you? Yes, No or Maybe?"
My first thoughts were: uh-oh... it's one of those Christian recruitment things! Get me out of here!
And sure enough the girl began to ask me stuff like which college are you from? Oh I don't study here, I'm a foreign student. Oh, where are you from? Singapore (Hey! I was telling the truth! I'm not a local student and I did study in Singapore) So do you know Jesus? I'm a Christian (Or do you NOT recognise a crucifix when you see one? It's hanging around my neck for heavens sakes!) And which church do you go to in Singapore? Holy Cross. Well I'm from the Sea Park Baptist Church, and I'm from *(--some group or other, I don't remember the name--)*. Well that's nice (Oh no!! She's a Baptist! Don't mention the word Catholic!). I'm also involved in my college's Christian society and I used to be on the commitee for my schools Catholic group (NO!!! I said the word Catholic!!! I'm dead meat!) Oh, so do you say prayers to accept Jesus as your Lord and Saviour? Er, well I obviously have to since I had to lead my own Christian society. (I mean, no I don't have to accept Jesus in order to help other people believe in him, is that what you are trying to say?) And so you studied about Jesus all your life? Er, yeah... since I was born (HELLO??? I'm a Catholic! Cathechism classes are serious business in the Catholic Church! We've been brought up on a strict diet of Catholic rules since the day we were born!) So when did you accept Jesus? When? I can't exactly say when! It's not something that happens at a moments notice. Well, you know alot of Christians don't really accept Jesus and *blah blah blah... please insert your own patronising words here pointing towards the fact that I am a unrepentant Christian who takes my religion for granted... blah blah blah* Oh, I'm sorry, I think my relative is here to pick me up. Gotta go. But thanks! And keep it up!
I quickly ran to my mum's car, and only when I got in did I realise: Damn! She conned me! She made me do a survey on SARS but ended up trying to convert me! Hello? That's cheating!!!
Look, I don't advocate mass conversion. I don't believe in going out there and pulling people to church. I think people should stop knocking on my door and waving the Bible at me and asking "When was the last time you met God?". I meet Him everyday, thank you very much! And if you really want to spread the word of God, its not going to come out clearly just by catching unfortunate victims on the street and preaching to them about your gracious Lord and saviour. No, it really doesn't work that way. I think the only way is to live your life in a normal but Christian way. Actions speak louder than words anyday. I remember a Sunday school teacher saying: people are attracted by our actions, not by how loud or long we preach. And I say Amen to that!

Cold

It feels cold
The night breeze rushes in
Running its cold fingers
Through my soul
But it can’t grasp it
Because my soul is
a thousand miles away
Where hot breezes blow
And night kisses never cease
But its just a mocking fantasy
I won’t go back, can’t go back
Though
It feels colder here…

(09/04/01)

It was really literally cold in Singapore. I lived in an air conditioned room and had to take baths without hot water on rainy days and after returning from training late at night. It's no fun having to take a cold bath and then trying to dry your hair in an air-conditioned room. Most nights I'd be so tired I'd just fall asleep, wet hair and all...