Yesterday my mother's old college friend commited suicide. She was the founder of the Petaling Jaya Community Centre, a place where I regularly go with my mum to discard old junk items that we no longer use. My mum's friend always somehow found a use for them, or else recycled them. I've only met her once or twice, but her absence has permeated my entire house. My parents old college mates are ringing non-stop and of course gossip is in the air as to the reason for suicide.
Suicide strikes a very real fear in me. No I've never attempted it, never even thought of it. But those dark form 2 days have left a scar on some of us that will never rub off, that will leave us cold everytime we hear of suicide, that will make us cynical everytime someone mentions they might try it, that will force us to try and forget the pain and fear we felt thinking it might happen, and the anger we felt in the end.
And at the end of the day... life is worth every minute of living it!

Rainbows (09/04/01)

Do you see rainbows?
Not me, not yet,
Not in this place…
Which has turned cold and grey
I know they exist
In some forgotten sphere
But the key to that realm
Have I consciously lost
In my struggle to remain cold and grey
Have I forgotten my soul?