Malaysian Night practices are now on crazy mode. Danced for almost 9 hours straight on Saturday, with what I would hardly call breaks in between. Then rushed back to Linstead where Ruby's birthday party was already warming up in the bar. Slumped in the B Landing corridor eating dinner cooked by the Singaporeans (really grateful, guys!). Then got dressed up for the continuation of Ruby's party at Opium (bar-pub-caberet as Darren pointed out). Got Amar to come down and veto my outfit - didn't get the green light for my light blue cotton MNG dress. Laid my entire wardrobe out before Amar. Amar not a very encouraging person when he suggested I take my stuff and match it with Fong May's. Defied Amar by putting on pink halter and denim short skirt. Of course regretted this totally when stepped out into subzero weather (plus denim skirt has this nasty habit of not staying put). Opium has really great chinesy ambience - but seriously... the old photos of Chinese families or just maybe the annual gathering of all those of Sino origin in London was really OTT (my first true Brit phrase which stands for 'over the top')! Dance floor was over crowded. I doubt I was dancing... perhaps just being pushed along by the particles in the human jello. Was already exhausted after such a long day of rehearsals that I was whining at 2am to go home. We made it home - after a pit stop at McDs, trying to find a night bus, losing half of the group and then rejoining at the bus stop, gossiping or trying to gossip on the bus - and it was almost 4am by the time I went to bed.
This morning woke up at 10, rushed to Sherfield building to pass ribbons and stuff to the Suraya (Mnite dance manager and first person on my list of people not to piss off), then rushed to church and back. It was moving day for Kristina, and I watched as half my room slowly became blank, empty, nothingness - cold and foreign like a hotel room. Kristina gave me a lovely palm tree (ok, palm plant because it's only about 8cm tall) to fill in the big gaping hole left by her absence. After she left I complained to Lionel about being lonely and not having breakfast or lunch when I realised I was supposed to be at rehearsals again. So back again... dance, dance, dance for 6 hours. Manage to pull everything off rather clumsily. Then came back to find my MSN blinking... yay! We're eating out for dinner. Jed brought us to Spago's (suspiciously recommended by the Beit Hall guide book). My pizza was really cheesy (if there was corn in it, it would have been corny too...). Just as we were leaving the restaurant it started to snow. Well not really snow, but sleet - which falls down in big feathery pieces and melts when it touches the ground. The sky was amazing though. It looked as if God had decided to shake out all his featherbeds. It was a really quick job though, before we were halfway back it was barely a drizzle of rain.
Came back to Linstead bar to support Soha and Yi Shan on bar duty. Did the usual sitting around and chit chatting. A smirnoff ice and a bath later and I'm ready to start on Communications tutorial... or maybe not...

Woke up to an email from my daddy - my little brother got 10A1s for SPM!!! Brilliant! Always told them he was the smart one in the family. Mum will be pushing him towards Cambridge now! Thank goodness! They'll finally stop bugging ME! Although I still think, for heavens sakes Sheng, go to MIT or Caltech or even Harvard! Don't go to god forsaken Cambridge! But Mum wants her Cambridge graduate, doesn't she?

psst! Happy Birthday Ruby!!! Love ya, babe!

Played such a good trick on Ruby on Wednesday night. Don't know why I forgot to blog it. Possibly because I'm still cowering in my room avoiding Ruby (whom I've noticed has been using the phrase "fuck you!" rather liberally since that night...)

But believe me, it was worth it!

And it was so simple! The only props: Farhad's 2 walkie talkies. One cunningly hidden under Ruby's bed when Sachit, Farhad, Kristina and I burst into her room singing Happy Birthday (why Ruby never questioned the randomness of it all was a great advantage) and the other in Farhad's hand... waiting for the clock to strike 1 (Ruby's so good. She's always asleep before midnight.)

So at 1am, Rich, Eric, Adrian, Avik, Farhad and Sachit come knocking on my door and dragging me ("You came up with the idea and you're in way too deep now... you can't just quit now!") and Kristina ("What? You helped us plant the walkie talkie too... so you get in there!") out of our room and into Rich's room. Sachit, camcorder in hand, is stationed outside Ruby's door while the rest of us stifle laughs and giggles while Farhad starts moaning into the walkie talkie. As Farhad starts to reach orgasmic heights... Ruby bursts out of her room and all we can hear in the corridor for awhile is the liberal use of "WTF?". I don't know how Sachit explained the camcorder he was holding, but he must have because Ruby soon went back to sleep.

15 minutes later, Kristina and I swapped places with Sachit... but this time the guys were having a field day portraying noises from every horror movie they'd ever watched. It wasn't long before Ruby burst out of her room again... clearly annoyed and peppering her sentences with more expletives. No one says a word... but Farhad gives it all away by giggling in the kitchen. (You idiot!)

Ruby goes back to sleep, but by this time everyone's bundled in my room and Rich is doing an impression of me in my pink scarf and teddy bear bag. They soon find the dikir barat gong and more evil misuse of the walkie talkie ensues (Sachit makes really really eerie high pitched screechy noises... if anyone's interested in hiring for a new horror movie...). Suddenly a beep resounds from the walkie talkie. "Oh shit! Ruby's found it!"... Farhad's really scared now ("What if she throws it out the window???"). Not daring to go retrieve it everyone just sits in my room and bullies me... and finally leave at 2 something.

Don't really know if anyone's dared to approach Ruby for the other walkie talkie... Doesn't help that all of us are also on her guest list for her birthday party at Opium tomorrow...

while running to lectures today...

saw a tall ang moh guy holding the hand of a girl who looked 10 or 11 while crossing exhibition road...

made me miss my little sister very badly... my little sister who's not so little, but almost my height, who still wants me to hold her hand when I take her out, who still insists on sleeping in my room when I'm back on holidays, who likes me to plait her hair for her and paint her nails, who still calls me 'chappy' and talks in her baby way, whom I really wish was here in London right now because I have so many things I want to show her... because even though she thinks her chappy's life is way too tough for her, she knows she wants to come here some day.

too busy too busy too busy
lecture after lecture
tutorial after tutorial
zzzzzzzzzzzzz through it all
with just a brief pause for a quick bite of breakfast? lunch? brunch?
labs labs laborious labs
lecture tutorial lectorials
bag dinner and run
dance dance dance
point kick flick
arabesque pirrouette chasaise
(not sure if pain is worth it)
walk home
cold cold cold
stacks and stacks
piles and piles of homework
come on, just pick up that pen
curse Laplace and Fourier
math not the right thing to attempt after midnight
msn chat blinks on promptly at midnight
Lionel complaining about studying or being hungry
Amar complaining he is bored
Lim complaining about Communications
Me complaining for the sake of complaining
program program program
error
debug debug debug
error
WTF!!!!
close laptop and try to get 6 hours of sleep
with luck maybe tomorrow will be different...

The sad boring facts of life... when I have too little time but am still waiting for Kristina to come back and collect her key from me...

DESCRIBE YOUR...
1. [wallet] black, simple, too many coins, too few notes...

2. [hairbrush] girly - purple with silver sparkles

3. [toothbrush] lazy - electric automatic braun

4. [jewelery worn daily] minimal - one gold cross

5. [pillow cover] blanche - just plain German no nonsense white (Thanks Godma!)

6. [blanket] not mine - Thanks again Godma!

7. [coffee cup] oriental - Chinese tea cup with typical blue chinese designs pretending to be coffee cup

8. [sunglasses] lost - speak no more of my DKNYs... I'm still in mourning

9. [underwear] kinky - no not really and they're NOT pink!

10. [cologne / perfume] non existent - I have an undeveloped sense of smell

11. [CD in stereo right now] invisible - but playing Misha Omar's bunga bunga cinta on my itunes

12. [tattoos] imaginary - a ring of stars on the small of my back

13. [piercings] wanted - belly button piercings and more on my ears

14. [what you are wearing now] too much - jeans, cashmere top, cardigan, socks (v. v. important) and still shivering like a hairless polar bear

15. [in my mouth] residue carbon dioxide

16. [in my head] one big mess

17. [wishing] idealistically - for things that can't be changed

18. [after this] hasty dash for last lecture of the day

19. [Fetishes] all too weird

20. [if you could get away with it and murder anyone, who and for what] Fourier - current bane of my engineering existence

21. [person you wish you could see right now?] ridiculous question

22. [is next to you] the darkness of my room

23. [some of your favorite movies] Breakfast at Tiffany's

24. [something you're looking forward to] Easter holidays!

25. [the last thing you ate] a milk chocolate digestive

26. [something that you are deathly afraid of] infinity

27. [do you like candles] possibly... do they like me?

28. [do you like incense] in what cense?

29. [do you like the taste of blood] let me bite you then I'll tell you...

30. [do you believe in love] everybody's a cynic... even you, huh?

31. [do you believe in soul mates] for awhile

32. [do you believe in love at first sight] hell... no!

33. [can you eat with chopsticks] yeah... but I still don't know how to eat rice with a knife and fork! Siao ang mohs!

34. [what are some of your favorite candies] toffee

35. [what's something that you wish people would understand] Fourier transforms... so more people can explain it to me!

We went to wagamama for dinner today, because Fong May and Yi Shan had eleven 2 for 1 coupons. Interesting place. Very reminiscent of Nooch in Wheelock in Singapore. Thus making us think that Nooch must have been replicated from Wagamama... thus examplifying the typical Singaporean without creativity and originality. But seeing that Brits aren't blessed with much creativity either, the Wagamama concept must have been stolen from some new fangled Japanese dining concept.

My verdict? My grilled seafood ramen (with shark, swordfish, cod and salmon) wasn't very filling... and also was a teensy bit disappointed that I couldn't tell which bit the shark was.

------- Later post after the shock settled -------

For a teacher who will be missed...
and as every Odacian knows, adventure and risks are inseparable foes...

Rafflesians might find this interesting... got this link from wind

Shaping Elitist Mindset

and just for the sake of applauding the big, gargantuan, dinosauristic flag (which was VERY impressive, especially Darren's bit of the stars and crescent - you go, taikor! - and even more impressive when viewed from Queens Tower which Lionel managed to sneak us into under the pretext of taking down the Flag-gel-lah banner. Pity we didn't have a camera with us, Yishan's lousy phone camera very lousy...) here's another link:

Flag-gel-lah

More Clickables for you

The Art of Wok [Click!]

I'm now off to see the IC Singapore Society build a 22.5m by 15m Singapore Flag made of agar-agar on Queens Lawn as part of the Flag-gel-lah project. This would be hilarious if it weren't so many of my poor, poor friends who are working in the 7 degrees weather outside with 9mph winds just to place 16000 little plastic boxes of red and white agar agar on the ground. Am going there to cheer them on... they've been there since 6am, and I just rolled out of bed!!!

** later edit **
sorry for the broken link... the above link has been fixed, please click! oh, and check out my socks in the gallery section! Mine are the pair on the right!

Buy Imperial College Malaysian Night Tickets!!!
I'm supposed to be promoting Malaysian Night. But I'm not going to drag anyone kicking and screaming to it. I believe you'll do it out of your own intuition.
6th March 2004, Saturday
Besides I so do not wish to see faces I know in the audience when I publicly humiliate myself in 3 dances (all of which you cannot miss me in, even if you sat right at the back and your glasses fogged up... I'll be the one who's a step behind everybody else and occasionally tripping and falling).
Sold out event 2 years in a row! So get your tickets early!
So there will be no blatant advertising. No begging you to come and throw tomatoes at me. No coaxing you forcefully to buy a ticket so you can see me say 2 lines in the play. Nope, none of that. None at all...
GET YOUR TICKETS NOW!!!

HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY SUGI!!!!!!!
You're the best, girl! haha... sorry, from where I am it still seemed like the 19th of Feb when I made this blog entry... and NO, I didn't forget! Do I ever???

For fun and laughter, peace and joy...

Want a good study companion? Mine's Diana Krall. Khim Nyang introduced her to me when we were back in TCHBS and for many, many late nights she would croon away while I fell asleep over further math tutorials in the darkness of my room with only the silent spotlight from my desk lamp focused on my exhausted face and the musical campfire on my Winamp flickering away.

Right now, I think I really shouldn't be listening to her... especially not when she's singing things like:

I get along without you very well,
Of course I do,
Except when soft rains fall
And drip from leaves, then I recall
The thrill of being sheltered in your arms.
Of course, I do,
But I get along without you very well.

Everyone from Ruby to Choon Sern asks if I'm still missing... sometimes I forget I am... but most times I wish I wasn't...

I've forgotten you just like I should,
Of course I have,
Except to hear your name,
Or someone's laugh that is the same,
But I've forgotten you just like I should

Do you know what that's like? Seeing or hearing something you would have cried laughing over... and then remembering you're not there to see or hear it... (especially when I walk into a flock of fat English pigeons and they waddle away from me, pigeons are no different the world over!)

Should have continued to listen to the Church of Latter Day saints songs as Lionel suggested instead of switching over to Diana Krall. Mormon music most normal... I think...
-------------------

In other less melancholic (sounds like an addiction to melons) news...
My ODAC junior, Suh Yueh, arrived yesterday evening, stayed a night in my room and is now off on a bus to Glasgow for a 15 minute interview. Medics are so sad... they have to fly thousands of miles to be interviewed while the rest of the simple people just have to write that UCAS essay and sit back and wait. She'll be back on Monday for another interview at Imperial. My friends are not creating the best impression. No, really...

--------------------

am freezing my little pink toes off! eeps!

And this would be the one where Charlotte had an excellant night playing barmaid at the Linstead bar and ended it by being part of Amar's legion of bodyguards.

Bartending is pretty easy and fun, especially if it's not too busy a night with just a steady flow of 2 or 3 people ordering drinks every 15 minutes. No absurd orders tonight (if I disregard the three double JD cokes I made for Phil Loh who was in depression... third time round he didn't even need to ask, I automatically grabbed a glass, poured 2 shots of Jack Daniels, popped in some ice and handed it to Phil with the Coke bottle).

We're playing the Bond Game in Linstead now. So everyone's afraid... nah paranoid... about walking around halls alone. However tonight's assasination attempt on Amar will go down in the annals of Linstead history. Imagine 5 tall beefy ang mohs waiting to pounce on Amar and drag him off for Rowan to kill. Then imagine Amar hiding within a circle of 10 rather small sized Malaysians and Singaporeans (more than half of us girls) while Lionel calls Darren on his handphone for back-up in true ah-beng tai-kor style and Jaq runs off to get her fencing saber while Amar gets Aaron to bring down his pen knife for him. The Ang Mohs not wanting any blood shed start to circle around us like hungry sharks but not daring to approach us... because maybe it's taken 4 months for them to wake up and realise they can't bully us into submission and we won't go down without a fight. Darren arrives with Zi Ming in tow... NS guys to the rescue (Darren's all ready for a fight... "my hand very itchy wei!"). Operation Relocate Amar proceeds with great care... 12 people escorting Amar to his room (and to the toilet as well so he won't have to come out of his room in the middle of the night without any bodyguards). We only leave when we're sure Amar is safe and sound in his room and we've made sure he knows he owes us! Big time!

The one where Charlotte hid in her room on Valentine's Day because she was afraid of stalkers

Kristina is now the designated room butler. She's screening everyone who knocks at the door. Because I am afraid. I am very very afraid.

You don't just profess your feelings in a valentine's day card and expect me to know you from Adams! And you don't gather your possy and knock on my door on valentine's day night asking me why I'm not on a date because, well, I still don't know you from Adams (whether or not we may have been classmates when we were seven? eight? I don't even recall!). And how DARE you insinuate that I have no life on valentine's day just because I was studying Communications in my room while waiting for my friends to return from dinner and rescue me!

Valentine's day should not be spent in your room feeling very shaken because your own hall doesn't seem to be a safe place anymore and your room isn't as private as you think! What am I going to do when Kristina moves out at the end of this month?

Some say love, it is a river
that drowns the tender reed.
Some say love, it is a razor
that leaves your soul to bleed.

Some say love, it is a hunger,
an endless aching need.
I say love, it is a flower,
and you it's only seed.

It's the heart, afraid of breaking,
that never learns to dance.
It's the dream, afraid of waking,
that never takes a chance.

It's the one who won't be taken,
who cannot seem to give.
And the soul, afraid of dying,
that never learns to live.

When the night has been too lonely,
and the road has been too long,
And you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong,

Just remember in the winter
far beneath the bitter snow,
Lies a seed, that with the sun's love,
in the spring becomes a rose

Amanda McBroom

*** sorry, honey, it isn't such a cheesy song after all, the more I listen to it ***

Just woke up from an absurd dream where I was buying carrot cake from some makcik who refused to take my money and made me run and hide before her old mother found out she'd given it to me for free... I will refrain from eating whole garlic baguettes before sleeping next time.

Woke up to Sachpal's scathing e-mail. Live a little, bhai! Let the little people have their Valentines Days and RM5 a stalk roses and plastic, consumer-ridden romances... even if some Ah Beng wants to drive all 600km to Cameron Highlands and back just to give 214 roses to some Ah Lian who already has a boyfriend and then publicise to the entire nation that he only paid RM408 for it when it would have cost RM2000 (hmm... like lionel said: wah... telling the whole country he's a cheapskate) let them be, dear, let them be... it drives the economy anyway! (you dunno what I'm talking about ah? Read here lor...)

I want to be celebrating Valentines Day, and NOT by rehearsing 3 dances from 10am till 5pm in the Union Dining Hall. 21 years of living and I've never even been on a proper Valentines Day date! I want to do the whole believing the whole world is in love bit. I want to be given at least 1 flower which will not be a rose because he will know I don't like roses. I want to be given a tiny momento gift that isn't chocolates because he will know I don't eat chocolates. I want to be taken out to dinner, somewhere nice and quiet and he will let me split the bill. I want to be taken to see Big Fish even if it's not his type of movie and he won't make fun of me if I cry at the end.

And it'll be highly unsurprising if I find myself cooking dinner for 10 people again tomorrow night... Happy Valentines Day to all!

ps: I'll miss you tomorrow, but I know you'll be happy... *hugs*

was practising dance steps in my room just now, twirling rather unsteadily and falling down quite abit. everytime i pick myself up i can see nicole's face twitch in front of me ("shoulders back, Charlotte... no no just move your head... arms straighter... legs turned out..."). i need to get more sleep... but i'm a little too dizzy now

This candle is burning at both ends, but it always ends with a lovely glow... Here's a log of yesterday -

Woke up at 7 30am... wide awake, but too early to be out of bed and mobile... go back to sleep
Woke up at 8 30am... aaargh! sleepy... WTF? Labs begin at 9!!!
3 hours of laborious agony in labs... actually fell asleep standing up while Prof. Tom Tate was trying to explain timing transistors in front of me
1 hour of software engineering... made an entire row of 2nd years get up for me to crawl into the middle of the row... spilt my hot chocolate on one of them in the process... Andrew, my senior, shakes his head and says, "Charlotte, you can't do this next year, you know"... Nir and Rich tell me to stop being a geek and reading the entire lecture in 10 minutes... I ignore them and promptly fall asleep
Half an hour for lunch... made tortellinis in record breaking time!
2 hours of optional Java Lectures... still managed to fall asleep (and it's not as if I didn't get enough sleep the night before!!)... Liam Madden is gonna think twice before giving me any more A pluses the next coursework, especially when I blatantly snoozed off in the middle of his explanation on inheritance
Rush back to get changed for dikir barat... take a self declared half hour break and then run back to the Union for dance practices
One dance just blends into another... from bhangra to contemporary to dikir...
At 6 30, Soha and I plead with Colgate (I don't really know what his name is!) for a half hour break to get something to eat... run back to hall... eat what ever is left of the apple crumble desert... then run back to Union
2 hours spent at International Night tech rehearsal... it was a good show if only I wasn't constantly worrying about my loose pants falling off...
Finally crawl back to Linstead at 9:30... but as I was halfway through dinner had to go back down to open the door for Suraya and Julian so they can store the huge heavy gong in my room (which is now staring at me)
Decide that it's about time I ended my day at 10pm... and go off to take a shower... come back to my room to find a present on my table... "Oh damn," I tell Kristina, "I think I know what it is!"... "Looks like a piano book", Kristina says... "And if I find out it's the right one, I'm gonna kick myself for telling him I was going to buy it!", I say...
and it IS! Les Miserables Piano Solos!!! (albeit the one I was going to buy was Piano, Vocal and Guitar). I'm so ecstatic I completely forget how tired I am and how much work has been piling up on my table... I just run down to the dining hall to try it out! Busy busy days don't end better than this!

Sometimes I'm amazed you actually listen to what I say. I told you I was going to get it for myself... and you HAD to get it for me! A month late for my birthday, but possibly my best present this year (despite the minor glitch of it being the wrong book, and I didn't notice it myself till I started playing) it was still incredibly sweet of you! Thank you!!!

Tomorrow my vegetarian and fish diet begins. I know it isn't Lent yet, but I've got to account for the Vienna-Switzerland-Germany trip where I don't intend to be vegetarian when there are German sausages to be tasted!

to think my ballet teacher told me to quit ballet 10 years ago...

and with Malaysian Night just 3 weeks away, every single free afternoon is being taken up by dance practices. Yes! Dance! I'm not singing, I'm not playing the guitar, I'm not even acting... but I'm dancing??? And not just one dance. THREE dances (and that's not including dikir barat)!!! At first I thought I was just going to join the banghra - fun! fast! About 20 people on stage! And no one would be able to spot me... then I got conned (no threatened more like it...) into chereographing the finale Chinese dance (joke of the century!) due to a lack of first year Chinese girls in IC. Then today, as I was running back to Linstead in the freezing cold... I saw Tao waving to me from inside the dining hall. I waved back. But he kept on waving and gesturing to me to come inside. So fine, I walked into the dining hall... nice sociable me... and found Nicole, Ayish and Yanti practising the contemporary dance for MNite. And before I knew what was happening, I'd given up my entire lunch break to be the fourth member of the dance (despite numerous protests and "reeeally!! I *was* kicked out of ballet class!!!" and "can I please stand behind Tao so I can be blocked from the audience?").

Dancing is a world apart from singing. When I'm on stage with my guitar, I can totally believe that I'm charming and captivating. I know how to bluff my way with songs that make it sound as if I have talent. I'm never scared, I'm never afraid of messing up... and even if I do, I know how to cover it up and smile. But dancing is different. Even without an audience, I feel as if my limbs won't do what I want them to do because I am watching myself. I'm constantly trying to remember what step comes next, which foot first? right or left? Palms turned in or out? Dancing with the professionals - Nicole (ballet), Ayish (classical indian) and Yanti (Latin and ballroom) makes me (ballet school drop out?) feel even more nervous. I'm not sure why I'm doing this. I love performing but... hell, what am I doing???

p/s: Nearly forgot... it's the Tai Kor's birthday today. Feliz Cumpleaños Lee-yo-nal!

Think cooking has become my new emotional outlet. Every weekend as I spend a few hours cleaning, chopping, slicing, stirring, boiling, frying for no less than 5 people... no more than 10... the vision of my corporate CEO girl-power super engineer self slips further and further away. And I surprise myself by not even complaining. I like the washing up and the tidying up of the kitchen. I don't mind the hours spent just deskinning a chicken. I can't wait to get my own apartment next year and become a Monica. I'm becoming obsessed. And it all started with a certain table somewhere in RJ.

some song is writing itself in my head... i need my guitar here...

Pain always creeps in when you are alone... silently, stealthily. When you're sitting face to face with just your thoughts, your mind can be the cruelest thing. Tiny pin pricks which most unfortunately have pierced all the most vital pulse points of my being.

ringraziarlo per dire me, è che non posso essere... dovrei essere felice per lei ma duole

Stop thinking! You've got to just stop!

Love is not a victory march, it's a cold and its a broken Hallelujah...

Is this the way to be? Face to the sky? Wings pinned to the ground? Please save me...

Phrase of the day: Calm as a Hindu cow
Heard while watching Fight Club... when I should have been at Chinese dance practice. Screw it!

Oh happy day... oh happy day!!!

Now what could make my favourite day better than it already is, with classes starting at 10am and ending at 1pm? How about an A++ for my very first lab report? Top that with Cirque du Soleil's Dralion matinee this afternoon (Lionel is an angel for taking so much trouble to get tickets! Centre circle... and I really mean CENTRE!)... not any ordinary circus gets to perform in the Royal Albert Hall! Add to that a new book to read from Soha as a belated birthday present (Alex Miller's Conditions of Faith) and right now I'm sitting in my room eating a huge slice of chocolate fudge cake (Kristina saved it for me from dinner) before I leave for Bling Bling to dance the night away, and the only other thing I want is...

--- later edit ---
Ok, so I didn't go to Bling Bling because Ruby was tired... but I still had a pretty relaxing night sitting in my room, eating toffee and vanilla ice cream, reading my new book, chatting with Lionel, enjoying the peace and quiet of not having Amar and Soha around... haha... life doesn't get better than this if I make myself believe so...

I'm staring at my desk.

Somewhere in room 427 is a very empty desk belonging to Salman, with a placard on it that reads "A clean desk is a sign of an insane mind". Wonder what my desk says about me.

A good 3 quarters of my desk is covered with... well... stuff! On one side is my phone, my desk lamp and my cup. On the other side is my laptop. And somewhere in the middle is an ever-growing stack of papers and plastic folders which I assume is work because I've put post-its on some of them with "SORT OUT BEFORE EASTER HOLIDAYS!!!" written in big bold fonts.
Verdict: A sure sign of a procrastinator who loves using post-its

The the little space of wall infront of my desk is covered with post its too. Alot of them say "Things to do" and "Things to do SOON" and "Things to get done NOW!!!". A few more have formulae and theorems on them. One particularly colourful one has logic tables on it. Another has the number for Chinese takeaway (v.v. important!) and yet another one says "Easter Hol's Research: BERLIN".
Verdict: I am definitely obsessed with my post-its

My left shelf is my food and personals shelf. My breadsticks, honey and teacup is carefully arranged just the way I like it. My lotions and creams and lip balms are carefully stacked in order. A japanese box that I made when I was 13 holds all the odds and ends that end up on my desk. A porcelain candle holder with my name on it, which Ruby bought for my birthday sit's prettily on the shelf. And all my religious items (glow in the dark crucifix, piata, holy water, divine mercy picture, rosary lie quietly in a corner). A tiny little box holds stuff from Greg that I'm slowly storing to put away... that too sits quietly, very quietly, in a corner.
Verdict: I've marked my desk with my own personality...

My right shelf is my academic shelf. All my text books sit prettily arranged from short to tall... did I mention that they just sit there? Once in a blue moon I pull one off the shelf to stare blankly into their crisp pages while I scratch my head in bewilderment...
Verdict: It just looks like I'm working hard... but I obviously am not. After all I'm here blogging when I should be reading up on analogue electronics.

My top shelf is quite foreign to me. That's where all my files are stacked... and once something goes into a file, it means I probably won't see it until final exams are around the bend. My lab booklets are also on the top shelf... banished there as a punishment for tormenting me. Once in awhile I do visit my top shelf to grab more sheets of A4 paper or foolscap... but I try not to reach for anything above the height of my head if I can help it.
Verdict: Lazy bugger...

I'm rambling... I should be shot!

Useful things I learnt today:

The product of 2 even functions or 2 odd functions is an even function
The product of an even function and an odd function is an odd function
Microwaving bread with peanut butter makes it stick to the plate

Received a very belated birthday card and letter from Michelle over the weekend. Getting stuff in the mail can really make your day, especially if you recognise the handwriting. Thanks Miche, dear! Miss you loads! Other things that put a smile on my face this weekend: seeing buds start to appear on the trees (bye bye winter!), finalising our easter holiday plans, talking to Greg (its so heart warming to hear a familiar voice after weeks of silence... miss you incredibly! especially miss not having someone to ramble away to anytime I feel like it, someone who understands... but I've got to move on, whether I forcibly make myself or let life slap me back into reality), making teriyaki beef that was actually edible and did not take 3 hours to cook (unlike someone else's dinner preparations!)

Overall : a rather good weekend I must say. (disregarding the fact that I only managed to cover a fraction of my work)

Believe it or not, my current playlist consists of 35 Chinese songs playing back to back. There's Tao Ze, Jay Chou and some A*Mei in there and even a little Aaron Kwok and Ekin Cheng (I didn't know he sang!). Chinese music seems to be a pretty good accompaniment for studying... because I can't understand any of the lyrics therefore I can't pay much attention to them. I do however find David Tao incredibly cheesy! What is up with the english lyrics which are then repeated in Chinese??

2 am
and the swirls through the darkness of her mind

she's a little girl again
sweet smile
dark eyes
with dreams of dreams
of dreams

i used to read chicklit
and snigger
because i believed
(naively)
i'd never become one of them
women of the millenium
confused with what they want
with dreams of dreams
of dreams

and she has fears
little girl fears
which cloud her mind
and translate into tears
but she still
dreams of dreams
of dreams

and i'm afraid
of becoming bitter
before i'm properly
forty? thirty? twenty five?
because of
unfulfilled dreams of dreams
of dreams

she feels little
a little girl
in a world too big for her
but not for
her dreams of dreams
of dreams

**** 2 packets of Nescafe Mild 3 in 1 + 100ml of skimmed milk + 2 table spoons of honey + Norah Jones' latest album + blurring pages of a microelectronics textbook = 1 rambling mind. I have so much to tell you, but do you have the time to listen to me? **** I miss you so so so much! I still can't get you out of my system... and I'm wandering aimlessly... wondering if I still mean anything much to you. Or if I've been replaced... completely. There really is no place for me, is there? That's the part that just breaks my heart