It's Chinese New Year's eve tomorrow. Usually at this time I'll be in Penang, with all the aunts in the kitchen, squabbling over the fish, chicken, soup, fatt choy, mushrooms, choy geok, etc... , while my grandma tries to slip away from the commotion and pretends to be busy distributing kum (mandarin oranges) or ang pows or something. Meanwhile the uncles will be watching some kung fu show on tv, with my grandpa dozing off and the few girl cousins gossiping and the even fewer boy cousins filling up their time in anyway they can.
But this year I'm not in Penang, I'm in KL and instead of a reunion dinner we're having a reunion lunch, and it all seems rather strange, almost as if all celebrations are starting to lose their tradition and meaning. I didn't celebrate Christmas last December, because my family went to NZ for a holiday, and I didn't even miss it one bit. Families are growing further apart. Cousins are moving further away. Is there nothing to hold on to anymore in that bit of festive cheer? I don't even want to wear red on new year... I have nothing new this year and I'm not complaining. Everything's left in dust.

Are you really looking at me?
Am I just hallucinating?
When you talk do you mean what you say?
Or am I just imagining things?
Then I play my little games
Sometimes I respond
Sometimes I back away
At times I play a charade
Sometimes I’m bold
Sometimes I’m innocence to the soul


Who am I referring to? I’m not really sure, I can only guess. And I’m not telling my guess here. In case you find me.
Greg says girls just don’t get it when a guy likes them. As if we’re totally oblivious to all the niceties and out of the way things he does for us. Maybe there’s some truth in that, but I for one have never been able to discern if a guy is paying me attention just because he likes me or perhaps its just some innate nature in him (delusional huh?) that makes him this nice to everybody. What do you think, girls?