Today at 3pm (Malaysian time) our great nation will witness a changing of guards. It is with sorrow that I watch our great leader pass on the baton, and together with it the blood and sweat of his triumphs and the tears and cries of a race who have yet to understand how much he has tried to save them.

Do you feel the tremor of the unknown? How far is his successor going to run?

This is for everyone who's not in Malaysia. Do your part in paying tribute to Dr. Mahathir

I'm strong am I? You really think so? Why is it that your perception of me is so vastly different from my perception of myself? You can keep telling me to be strong... but I'm not. I'm crumbling inside and if I was strong I wouldn't. If I was strong I wouldn't be crying and walking back alone from South Kensington Station in the dark. If I was strong I'd accept that this is the right thing.

If I were strong I'd know how to make a whole out of a half again...

going into hibernation and hoping i wake up in a different place

Seeing that my birthday isn't that far off (just 3 months more... give or take a week or two) I think it's fair to start requesting for birthday presents, whether or not I am likely to get them. The last time I requested for birthday presents (a long list of stationary including A4 paper, highlighters and glue) I got exactly what I wanted and I've never requested for any presents since then.

This present on the top of my list this time is the piano score for Les Miserables. Since downloading the entire album off someone's shared folders (the name shall remain anonymous since I don't want him knowing that I've also been snooping around his picture files), I just can't get 'On My Own' and 'A Little Fall of Rain' out of my head. I even sing it when I'm walking back from the Union alone at night... it sounds ludicrous but I feel safer when I'm singing while walking back past 10pm on my own.

So there you go! No more spending long days pondering about what to get me for my 21st birthday! No more browsing around gift shops trying to remember which soft toy you've already given me twice or which book I haven't read yet. No more worrying that your present will be chucked aside as an obligatory ugly desk ornament. I've made it easy for you! Yes, I always think of you before my own self, don't I?

This is a crime.
I'm publishing a post for the sake of it.
I should be shot.
But at least this will stop some particular people (Yeah! I mean YOU!!!) from complaining that I don't update my blog often enough.
What do you really want me to say?

**/ Today I was late for Computer Architecture lecture. I had to sit on the steps and poor Kuna who was late too had to uncomfortably share notes with me on the steps. Then I had my favourite lecture: Software Engineering I, with my favourite buffy fanatic lecturer - Jeremy Pitts. Fell asleep while he was talking about boolean logic, woke up, answered a question wrongly and fell back asleep much to Yi Shan's amusement... probably. Had pizza for lunch and then proceeded to a torturous 3 hour Elec. Lab. Wrestled with oscilloscope and was close throwing it at someone's head in fit of frustration at not being able to produce the right square wave/**

Look, I'm an engineering student. I do not lead a particularly interesting life... engineering is synonymous with watching butter melt. So excuse me when I come back from classes and deny you the pleasure of knowing what particular Delphi programme is developing in my mind (which when actually typed onto the actual Delphi 7 environment never works quite as well).

Bah... I'm going to write a long belated mass mail to everyone now. Right... unleash stress on beloved malaysian and singapore residing friends!

*groggy*
It's 10:35am and I just rolled out of bed... literally... which is quite painful because me bed is just slightly less than 3 feet high.
I'm wondering if I can still make it for church! hmm... bad bad me... oh there's a mass at 12:30! Thank god for the Internet. Saves me from walking down to the church in the cold to check what time masses are.
Heating has been turned off this weekend. I have to check every few minutes to see if my toes have turned blue and are in danger of frostbite.
I need to tie myself to my chair today and actually get some reading or problem sheets done. I must be the only engineer who hasn't borrowed anything from the library. Damn you conscientious hard working nincompoops!
I've been on a study hiatus since friday night, beginning with the Linstead Hall coming up dinner (read: black tie event --> omg! what to wear?). Didn't see much point in looking *really* nice just for these bunch of freakazoids whom I see in the halls everyday and treat me like an annoying beatle who's in their way but too defenceless for them to crush to death. But you quickly realise what great stimuli a pretty dress and make-up are for conversations. Guys are now making the effort to ask me compulsive conversation starters, i.e. :"So how was your day?" and "How is it I've never seen you before?". That's because you're a shallow dope and you don't look any girl in the eye who's just come back from college looking like an accident involving files, bits of paper and horribly coloured sweaters.
The night was pretty fun, asians sitting at a fully asian table... making politically incorrect jokes in Manglish and Singlish, knowing no one else would realise we were actually speaking ENGLISH!
We played a fun game that night: guess who's shagging in the guys toilet. It was Yi Shan's fault, coming out of the mens with digust written all over his face saying "Guess who's in the toilet". Wasn't difficult to put 2 and 2 together as more and more guys came out with bemused smiles and a "I know something you don't know" look. Anyway didn't even need to guess since Angela was going to spill more than I needed to know the next morning.
Spent a lazy Saturday morning just being lazy. Finally got dressed and caught a bus down to Oxford Street to do some form of shopping with Soha. Then after getting lost a few times, we made it to Holborn where Ying and Jas were waiting for us with a warm cooked dinner. I love these LSE people... they all cook! Then went over to Ying's hall to play some disastrous pool (specific to me only) and by the time we decided to make a move, it was past 11pm.
I wouldn't have minded the time if it was Spore or KL, but London at night *is* quite scary, as Soha and I found out when we were literally almost running through the empty subways passing by plenty of dangerous looking homeless people. We were utterly joyful at the bright and warm sight of Linstead Hall even though it was past midnight. Must stop all these late night rendezvous, really!

So at 10pm just now, Ruby comes knocking on my door asking if I'm feeling hungry. Half an hour later, 5 asian girls are sitting in a corridor eating Chinese take-away and grapes and gossiping. Caucasians pass by every now and then giving us those LOOKS which clearly say "uncivilised orientals"!

I've got a part in a play!!!!
I say 10 lines!!! But what the heck!!! I'm still in the play!!!
We're doing Terry Pratchet's Maskarade... which is a version of The Phantom of the Opera set in Ankh Morkpork... and I play the part of one of the chorus girls! I wanted to be the prima donna... but they don't cast small asian girls with malaysian accents on big roles. *sniff*

Belated post written in angst... sorry...

Finally when I think I might actually enjoy clubbing (I've had the right drinks, someone's paid for my tequila sunrise, people telling me I look great... I'm such a vain pot, so sue me... I'm having all these brilliant conversations with people I don't know, and someone's actually gotten the DJ to play the right music... or else stuck a knife to his back, my girlfriends and I are on the dance floor with all the right grooves) then everything starts to go wrong. Idiots try to push you to get all sorts of nauseous concoctions. The bloody bastard who bought me a drink now thinks he bloody owns me and is trying to monopolise every conversation I'm having with someone else. You realise that exposing more skin when dressing also means coming into contact with more sweaty people which is extremely gross. I learnt that some guys just don't know when to shut up about how many patents they have (this is the curse of studying in Imperial College of *SCIENCE*, *TECHNOLOGY* and *MEDICINE*, you notice that people who study history don't go on at length about how much they were paid for writing a life saving source code that Bill Gates was actually bowled over by), the music is still great but really, Singaporean guys don't have to ask me "So... can RJ girls actually dance?". I never thought I'd stand up for RJ, especially on the subject of dancing but... prove it I did. With further disastrous effects.

I have this funny feeling that I must have missed out on the ethical dance behaviour in clubs, but assuming there was no such thing then... all Caucasian males are not only unfortunate looking, they are sleazy bastards! I appreciate the fact that you want to get to know me better, but hell, will you take your hand off my shoulder! And running your grimy hands down ANY part of me is not winning you ANY favours!

I think I'll just stay in my room and vegetate for now... at least that will keep me away from all forms of British slimeballs.

First week in university = generally unexciting.
Think I'm in the wrong place. I'm not a drinker, I'm not a raver and I need my 8 hours of sleep no matter what.
Haven't made any real social faux pas yet. Did the "Hi! Charlotte. Malaysian. Information Systems. Triple E department" thing approximately 50 times. Got mistaken for a Singaporean at least 20 times. No one ever mistakes me for a PRC... thank God!!!
Weather has been very kind... everyone's getting suspicious of it.
Making friends is easy. I go around saying "Oh my goodness... you cook? Really? Ok, you're my friend!"
Built a car... out of polo mints, chewing gum, straws, rubberbands and balloons. Proudly designed the whole poster for the presentation. Some guy said I should be in art school instead of engineering. Don't really like engineers anymore... just because I'm the minority sex here... *pout*
EEE department is like India and China. Literally. Caucasians are a minority. I always seem to end up in places where the locals could easily be wiped out if the foreigners revolted.
I'm very happy with my student ID photo though *beam!* I'll post it up when I actually get my room internet working. Idiots in the student connect department rejected my credit card.
Have to stop converting or will starve like a monkey in a cherry farm. Hmm... am obviously not getting enough sleep.

Finally convinced mummy to go watch Les Miserables, which thank goodness was far from a let down! In fact I had the fun of watching Lee of S Club 7 performing as Marius on stage (In my opinion Marius is a complete poof who pines for Cossette immediately after Eponine dies... like hello??... and is the first one shot at the barricade and survives only because of that, while the old Jean Valjean saves his bloody life! He should have been left to die!). I liked Eponine best of all and Fatine second best! I'm always biased if they sing exceptionally well.
I think I've watched more plays in a week in London than I have in the last 5 years!

Excerpts from my diary over the past week:

25 Sept 2003
Plane full of juveniles. Heathrow looks like the back alley of Changi Airport, why have they not heard of WALKALATORS? And they call us a third world country. Health Control treats us (Asian and Africaan students) like barn animals being lined up for the slaughter house. It's a federal offence not to have an x-ray with you... or at least they make it seem like it.
First glimpse of London at night: Very starry! Wonder for a few minutes why the stars in London seem to traverse the night sky... oh wait... they're airplanes and hellicopters.
Second glimpse of London at night: Old and spooky, where ghosts and ghoulies and three legged beasties and things that go bump in the night are creeping in the shadows and Jack the Ripper is lurking at an unlit doorway
My German godma cooks us German duck for dinner. Uncle Jimmy says: "There's no such thing as German duck! Only Peking duck!". I think he's right.
Dinner and wine are knock outs. I'm asleep by 9pm.

26 Sept 2003
4 am and I'm up wondering why the hell I'm sweating in 15 degrees weather. No point in struggling to sleep so get up and repack all 11 pieces of luggage. By 8am I am setting up a full fledged pasar malam in my godma's living room.
After bath, get dressed in baby tee and jeans. Get scolded for wearing too little clothes and am sent back upstairs to change. Don't think I'll be able to get used to wearing so many clothes.
Head over to South Kensington to do boring stuff mostly involving transaction of money. Then head over to Chinatown... find it very peculiar that Chinese MUST visit Chinatown in any part of the world that they go to. I see a big GAP store at the entrance to Chinatown, tell mummy that Chinatown isn't Chinese enough. Mum gets offended as if her Grandpa built this place and drags me down to the real heart of Chinatown where I suddenly feel as if I've been transported back to Singapore. Except with the airconditioning on the outside instead of in. Which brings to mind the fact that I miss actual aircond in buildings! Stuffy old buildings with no flow of fresh air really sucks.

27 Sept 2003
Woke up sweating again. Just cannot get the hang of wearing the right amount of clothes. Find it very ironic that I don't have enough clothes on during the day and too many at night. Decide to call the whole of Malaysia and Singapore. Call Sugi first and whine to her about the "bodoh Brits" and the "susah health control" and it feels great to have someone understand me perfectly in Malaysian accent. Call Greg next, whine somemore. Call Charm, *squeal* *scream* *whine*. Call Sherene, talked to her voicemail. Call Xiaokai, got insulted. Call Greg again to complain about xiaokai (I'm kidding!).
Went shopping for winter coats. Prices here should be listed as factors of death.

28 Sept 2003
Important day, Sunday is! Westminster Cathedral we are to attend. Many many old architectural designs will we see. Stop talking like Yoda, I must. Cathedral is breathtaking. Reminds me of the old KL KTM station. Gregorian chanting choir is just wonderful. And mass is short, surprisingly!
Mummy's friends come over to ooh and aah at me. Starting to feel like a prized donkey. I bring out my laptop to show my precious photos of my JC days. Everyone starts asking about Greg which then continues to discussions about young love and long distance relationships, bla bla bla... No one seems to think I haven't pondered about the pros and cons myself and that for all the brains in my head I am lacking some when it comes to my own personal life.
Head over to Hyde Park to look for paintings. I could spend an entire afternoon there just looking at paintings. Just like I could spend a whole day or more at the Tate. Try me!

29 Sept 2003
Lost mummy in the underground. Waited for half and hour at Marble Arch and even though it was mummy's fault to have dashed into a carriage when the doors were closing and leaving me outside, mummy still managed to make it all MY fault!
Watched Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat. Joseph is amazing! And I don't just mean the play, I mean Joseph himself! Imagine one sweaty blond guy with a hot bod and mesmerizing grin who can dance, sing AND act standing just 3 feet away from you! So glad for seats right in the centre where it just seems as if Joseph is performing JUST for you!

30 Sept 2003
Shop, shop, shop some more. Then theatre at night again. This time it's Tell Me On A Sunday. Lovely musical monologue. Denise Van Outen is amazing to be able to sing for 1 and half hour non-stop! Realise that I've become the London girl mum has always wanted me to become... in my black boots and black stockings, sophisticated air, going to theatres every other night, well educated... I'm losing the Malaysian in me. I've got to find a mamak here soon!

1 Oct 2003
Third theatre show in 3 days. Today it's Bombay Dreams! Just watching it made me so homesick! So it was a typical Hindi movie (baddie villain, lovetorn lovers, tragic murders, happy endings)... but you feel so connected to it! The dancing, the colours, the women! Pizzazz!