A friend of mine just mentioned that he's dreading for a new life. So am I... but to be more accurate, I'm dreading my new life. I want my old life back. Going for Odac's Basic Training Camp sure brought back a flood of old memories (not of my own BTC because, heck! I wasn't there for it!), and I really felt a sense of belonging just to be an Odacian again.
It's funny how you can feel three different ages all at once during BTC. With the seniors around and Lester and Ronald continuing their routine bullying (just like they used to on Fridays at the Odac board, albeit then they were assisted by Brian and Thanan... woe me!), it really felt like J1 all over again. Looking back, I never realised how much I missed the seniors until we met up again at BTC. Perhaps our own estranged relationship with batch xviii made me miss the seniors even more. But it still puzzles me how 2 batches can be close and 2 batches almost ice cold.
Watching the J2s handle BTC stirred old memories of the one and only BTC I participated in. The gruelling task of having to ensure all group activities were smooth running and at the same time wondering if I was too strict? too lenient? not understanding enough? too kind? too slow? too fast? assessing the J1s correctly? And till this day I'm haunted by whether I made the right decision during selections. Changes in the BTC routine and attitude of course bugged me (which senior wasn't bugged by the lack of strictness in the J2s?), and I imagine I must have been tolerance itself to not go up and correct the J2s as I am usually so prone to doing. 2 years of nagging batch xvii was not something I'm proud of.
And at the end of it all, the hard truth hit me that I was back at BTC as a J3. Sounds so alien. J3. Is that really me? A J3? But what kind of J3 am I? I did nothing to help with BTC 2003. I had no wealth of Odac info like Leroy. I... erm... alright I played the guitar but that's about it.
3 ages... all at once... makes one feel lost in time and space.

I wanna watch you burn
It's a lesson I will learn
Till the eyes of the dawn
See you torn
Before me
Sink low

Dedicated to the same person... who will never learn...