Ladida...

Here's to a lovely autumn day. Azure blue skies with nary a cloud. Bloody 6 degrees weather. And shivering icey fingers (thank goodness I never went to medical school... my patients would have died of shock from cold fingers!)

We're all at home awaiting the arrival of Amar. Except for Lionel. He's in Nottingham playing volleyball and probably grumbling about it.

So what's been up since all hallow's eve? It's hard to recall. The last 2 weeks went by in a flash, and now its the weekend again. In short this is how the last 2 weeks probably went (probably, because my mind is in quite a blur, wreck by committee dissentions and piling up homework and unvisited relatives)

• Started first round of M-nite auditions. 4 hours of listening to auditionees (whilst trying to film them... smile, you're on Candid Camera!) and I'm sick of my own script. Wrote a whole new scene in one night for the second round of auditions. I'm starting to really like Leslie's character, even if he is the baddie. Finalised the main cast yesterday and e-mailed all the final auditionees this morning. I hate dissapointing people, because I didn't get a role in the main cast myself last year and it was downright annoying to find out people who simply couldn't act had gotten a part (and I don't mean any of my comm members - I thought you guys were brilliant). Nevertheless, our final cast has a damn load of talent. I'm now trying to fit in supporting cast members, because we just can't waste all that lovely lovely talent!
• Pumped up the inflatable sofa. Very comfy for watching movies on, and I suppose Amar can use it as a bed when he comes down to London. Got an idea to fill it up with water so it becomes a water sofa bed... but decided not to, in case Yi Shan decides to rear little tropical fish in it, which he really thinks is a brilliant idea!
• Met up with Michelle and Andrew who were down from Sheffield for the weekend. Ying came along too and was surprisingly the earliest. I kept a look out for pink flying pigs. We had crepes at the Creparie and then bummed around in my room for awhile. Ah... I feel like I've done my bit with keeping up with old friends.
• Went round to Kristina's for a little potluck dinner together with all the Emperor's gate people. German pancakes and salad, roast duck and chicken wings with chilli char siew sauce and not forgetting Marvin and Jac's wine... cannot imagine a more international feast. Quite a merry night just chatting away and listening to renditions from Kristina and Marvin (who was attacked by a "No, hombre, no" speech impediment).
• Finished reading half of Dorian Gray. Fell asleep while reading it last night. Lionel claims I was talking in my sleep. Don't like the idea of self portraits anymore.

And so that pretty much rounds up my boring two weeks. I'm trying to ignore my homework but I hear Laplace Transforms calling. Integrating e^x^2 is interestingly quite a challenge still even though Ying says it can be done. I need to work on double integrals.

More Hallowe'en photos...  

Jac the little witch, carefully slices her pumpkin 

Lu scopes out the pumpkin's innards 

Some scary shit 

Mr Spock pays a halloween visit 

This is what science students do for thrills... toss some methylated spirit on a lit candle and watch flames burst and sparkle inside a pumpkin!  

Can hardly tell Fidel apart from the pumpkins!  

A family photo! 

pumpkins keeping watch at the window... doesn't Cartman look absolutely cheerful!  

How to carve a Hallowe'en pumpkin - Step 1: Choose a nice, round, preferably orange, pumpkin... like this one!

Step 2: Draw a hideous design... or dotted lines for the lobotomy operation

Step 3: Carefully carve out its eyes, nose, mouth, pimples, warts etc.

And voila: You have your very own cute jack-o-lantern. This one was christened Cartman!

Yesterday was one of those, 'lets go out and walk about London' Saturdays. The weather was so tempting. Blue skies, sunshine, warm weather (and by warm I mean 15 degrees). You'd be damned to stay indoors (especially after 1 week of drizzly, gloomy weather).

So, thanks to the blasted suspensions on the circle & district line, we walked from St. Pauls (which is dissapointingly being renovated, and on top of that there is an entrance fee of 6 pounds... to see a church? Why??) to Tate Modern, across the Thames. Tate is pretty depressing, situated inside a dismally lit old power station. But the art is fantastic... not my favourite (except for the surrealists and andy warhol) but very impressive.

After about 2 hours of trying to make sense of all that modern art, we headed to Covent Garden, hoping to eat at Wagamama (2 for 1!!) but ended up munching on jacket potatoes and wandering around my favourite magical square in London, before taking the bus to High Stree Kent to meet the rest at the Wagamama there (2 for 1!!).

Upon reaching home, we realised Marvin had brought a visitor - Kristina!!! My ex-room mate! Thus Kristina joined us for the highlight of the evening - Pumpkin Carving! The household upstairs got 4 pumpkins, while we got 2... one of which has been christened Cartman! After carving all the pumpkins, we lit them up with candles, turned off the lights... and soon they looked like some tourist attraction, with cameras clicking everywhere and even tripods appeared! We then decided to arrange them on the staircase, for better effect, and finally at the witching hour we took them outside for a group photo (tripods and all).

Happy Hallowe'en!!!

The latest batch of Gamuda Scholars with 3 of us old foggies... this was taken some time ago in August... I'm so behind in my photos

And Charlotte returns...

... after a month's hiatus, 3 weeks of school, 2 weeks of classes, uncountless hours of MSoc and even more uncountable hours of NO SLEEP!

Thank heavens for tomorrow's Commemoration Day holiday (who knows who or what exactly they are commemorating as long as they order us to take a break from 9am labs!).

Oh well, here's a brief update of what I've been messing around with.

(Oh alright... I kid you... I can't remember a time when I've EVER been brief!)

Chronologically...
Arrived in hot, Hot, HOT London (after effects of sweltering summer...)
Moved in to my lovely flat (christened Emperor's Gate for obvious reasons!)
Spent at least 2 days unpacking, moving about boxes, searching for missing stuff (fluffy bedroom slippers and 'pink' scarves) and cleaning house (besides house training Yi Shan)...
My laptop got stolen from my own room within 2 days of moving in. Appreciated the police coming down to my flat and dusting for fingerprints, all CSI-like, but would still appreciate the damn thief returning my laptop and ALL my CDs (sobs... my patiently accumulated Tori Amos Collection, my Jewel albums, and all my new Third Day and City on a Hill CDs... bah!)
Welcomed a MSoc Comm meeting in my house, with the promise of Krispy Kremes from Chien Liq... of which I didn't get to eat a single one... sigh...
Ran around in the cold English rain (it's like a christening... a sign that you are once again reborn into the dreary English weather) and subsequently started the infection of the Fresher's Flu!
Set up a rather gawdy booth for Fresher's fair (which attracted more than its fair share of attention... but for the right reasons!) with only half of my wits with my due to the Flu, not to mention bodily fluid which had a mind of their own, and a voice that disappeared after a bout of being overly hyper...
Started lectures in a better frame of mind (had passed on the Flu to others by then...). Love my lecturers this term (save for the balding guy teaching us Digital... who IS he? I think I lost track of his name, and what ever he was teaching, in that first lecture when I fell asleep 15 minutes into it... and YES, it was the first lecture of the term... boy do I have a wonderful track record). My Statistics lecturer has some ISSUES! Of which she proceeds to rant about in class, but it does make probability and Exponential Distributions so much more interesting when she is telling us her problems with calling customer service for her cable plan (of which she is trying to obtain their quality testing stastistics)... and you KNOW you've got a real interesting quirk teaching you Stats when she proffesses to adore Laplace! My math lecturer (Jean-Luc) on the other hand is a Canadian Hobbit! It's quite an achievement for him to reach the top of the blackboard in room 407a! And we no longer QED our proofs... instead we BYU them, which translates to Bob's Your Uncle... go figure! We've got George again for Discrete Math (and I DO NOT gush about George! I really DO NOT!) and yeah, that wasn't a slight of the eye. I have 3 Math modules this term! Really sounds like I'm in the wrong course!
Followed up Fresher's fair with Freshers Meet, and was dragged around South Kensington by 7 or 8 freshers in search of Krispy Kreme napkins, low price Sainsbury's spaghetti and a photo of the dinosaur at the Natural History Museum. We need to rethink these scavenger hunts and the effects on aging seniors next time!
Next up - Pasar Malam! 3 days standing in the bitter cold and pouring rain (drama mama...) selling sarongs, batik, henna tattoos (i'm a certified henna tattoo artist now!), beaded bracelets, teh tarik and satay... but it was fantastic fun! Worth every back breaking minute of it! I can now gurantee that a sarong shawl is all you need to stay warm in 11 degrees weather... that and an infinite amount of adrenaline!
On the side, I'm taking Literature again... and I have the most artsy and faery-like Lit lecturer. She seems almost ethreal at times, and sticks out like a green alien in Imperial (we can be such snobby scientists...). Well it's Hardy, Conrad and Wilde for the next few weeks... whoopee! I'm being forced to READ!
I am also now in the habit of taking German classes on Thursday evenings. Guten ja? Amar you'd be so at home in my German class!


I think I've had enough of typing. I'm going to go look for the boys, who are glued to their computers somewhere around the house.

It's back to the cold, the fog and the damp...

At precisely 0900 hours I will be departing from KLIA, hopefully with all my luggage AND excess luggage.

Just needed to tell you that.

Friendster is getting weirder and weirder...

These are the 10 latest popular searches on my network... why???
one night stand (This is you, Sachpal, isn't it?)
zodiac love match (Look, it doesn't matter if you love a gemini or an aquarius, there's only ONE species of men...)
teeth whitening (make your teeth look whiter - get a tan)
hip hop dance moves (oh, so they write them down and publish them online these days, huh?)
louis vuitton bags (I've a few liz claiborne ones I wouldn't mind trading in)
kissing techniques (WHO in my network has been searching this? Almost as bad as Sachpal! btw, it's all about tongue...)
new hair styles (Maybe I should take a look at this too)
depression help (And counselling goes virtual too!)
college term papers (cheating isn't going to be THAT easy)
discount laptops (might as well buy a cheap lap warmer)

I'm such a cynic today. This is not good!

Things I want to bring back to London...

1. My piano
2. My baby classical guitar (there's this song that's writing itself in my head... and I'll have to put it on hold until I can buy a cheap 30 pound Argos guitar!)
3. My assortment of pillows and cushions
4. All my clothes
5. My entire book shelf
6. My little sister
7. All my photo albums

... but I can't

I don't think I'll be touching a piano for a few months. I'm going to miss my beautiful Weinbach. And it's going to miss me...

I've learnt today...

That little niggling dreams can be weaved into reality. What if you hadn't listened to the little voice inside your head tell you that you can make a camp for 50 freshers from all over Malaysia happen? There wouldn't be a bunch of freshers gathering at Midvalley today, even before they venture over to the green (grey?) pastures of London.

That my days as a young, naive fresher are over. That suddenly it's dawned upon me that I'm a senior. That I've grown older, younger, wiser and dumber all at once.

That I miss London, I want to go back. That my time here is up. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Once you go away, coming home is never the same. Home isn't home anymore. But I've outstayed the hols, and I have to go back, even though my little sister is in tears because she doesn't want to be left at home alone.

That only in your last week of holidays do you think - "Gosh, I won't step into midvalley for another 3 months" or "This is the last plate of GOOD (unadulterated) curry laksa I'll eat in awhile"

That it's nice to have nice seniors. A good nice wholesome bunch of EEE seniors. (psst... Happy Birthday again, Andrew!). Besides learning that you can get lost in Jacob's house and it takes sometime to find out where the toilet is in the washroom when there's a choice of 4 to 5 doors!

That I want Lionel to come back to I can whine, grumble, complain and pout like the spoilt 3 year old inside of me... and so I can listen to him too...

That my haircut isn't so bad after all. Once it grows... it looks even better than the right side of a baboon!

The ISE tutor and study groups have been rearranged!!!

And for not studying as hard as I should have in 1st year, I have now been bestowed with a tutorial group I utterly despise! (Alright there isn't any real connection between the studying and the tutorial group arrangements... but I'm just trying to find an excuse to rant!)

It's a good thing tutorial groups are only once a fortnight... but to my utter horror, they've changed my study and lab group to group A! Oh woe! I'm now tearfully detached from my new found ISE buddies, and instead I get the MCPs!!! Only consolation is that Vidu is with me (how will we poor girls survive on MCP grounds?) I have to learn to make more friends, but how will I survive labs without being able to bother Kunal with questions all the time?

Mrs Dalloway is on my Literature reading list. After 4 pages I'm finding it hard to read. Don't get me wrong, it's not unreadable, I actually like Virginia Woolf's style of writing. It's just the way its starting out, its like reading into my future. A prediction of what my life could be.

It's depressing when literature begins to mock your own life. Your own turmolt and confusion. Your emotional security. Shaking your sense of unsureness. Making you question whether you made the right practical choice to stay in your little practical world and be happy.

*Later edit*

I'm on to page 10 now. Taking a deep breath and trying to detach myself from the story... although that's not the right way to read books, is it?

My aunty says when you leave a good hairdresser you should look like you need to wear a paper bag over your head for a week, and after that emerge like a beautiful butterfly. Somehow I don't think a paper bag is going to help this natural disaster. I'm not even sure if my head can fit in a paper bag. Prepare to be shocked, VERY shocked, honey! But I did as I promised. I didn't cut it too short nor shave bald. Anyway I always hate my haircut initially. Maybe I'll learn to like it in a few months time...

Busy days again...

Shopped for japanese food stuff at Jaya Jusco today, before meeting Ying, Jilly and Maggie for lunch, which took approximately 45 minutes to commence (It took me 5 minutes to think of the word 'commence'. I swear my England is getting less less powderful). Nicole picked me up from 1 Utama to go cloth shopping at Jalan Masjid India. Too many colours, designs, textures... we eventually settled for simple cloth from Kamdar. If only we knew what we were really doing, but with an unsettled script and storyline, we're pretty much like blind mice!

Lionel's on his way to Melbourne now. It's funny how the idea of him being thousands of kilometres away instead of 350 kilometres away is more unbearable. Anyway, Melbourne isn't my idea of a holiday. Not when Melbourne Uni, Monash and RMIT practically make up a mini Malaysian kampung right in the heart of Melbourne. Adelaide's not better, what with Ravi and Zack being there.

My sister spilt blueberry syrup on Dewy today. She's now banned from playing with him for a whole day. Dewy is my stuffed toy puppy, by the way.

I'm back to blogging random nonsense. Doesn't this feel like the old me?

Oh and I'm starting on Mrs. Dalloway for my Literature module. It's not really like the old me to start on homework 3 weeks before term begins!

"Oh, it seems like I can finally rest my head on something real... I love the way that feels..."
And so the blog is once again resurrected and brought to life with newly rejuvenated vigour! 2 weeks filled with so many mountains and valleys I don't know where to start my story-telling (sorry, I'm not as good a story teller as Chien Liq) nevertheless, here goes:

Friday (day before fresher's camp)Clearly, a very underestimated day. Only on the day before the camp does the projector decide not to work and I had to spend an entire afternoon getting to know Jalan Ampang and the whole of KL very well. Got back home at nearly 8pm, close to tears, tired and hungry and very short tempered. I'm sorry if i snapped at any of you lovely people who were trying to tempt me out to Murnis, but when one is sleep deprived, frustrated and at the end of their rope it's a really bad move to call their blood and swear a "stupid camp"! Anyway, happy belated birthday captain! I'm sorry for being so bitchy. But there's no better mood to be in when you haven't taken a bath at 11pm at night and 3 Imperial College undergrads (one engineer, one physician and one mathematician) can't seem to make a projector work!
Saturday (Day 1 of fresher's camp)The all too efficient uber-secretary was actually the last senior to arrive at KL Sentral, due to last minute projector testings (which didn't work!!!). Managed to stuff 40 over freshers into the bus and proceed to Tapah without much ado... besides being the only nervous senior on the bus while the rest were happily cruising in Chien Liq's car and Jia Hong's car. Day one got off to a good start, with Tao creating much laughter (mostly at his own hilarious antics) and Ili (a planted 'fresher') giving one of her best performances to date! The ice breakers didn't get many names stuck in our heads. Instead what stuck in our heads was probably the colour of Phil's boxers (Sorry, Phil! My bad!). After dinner, our night time entertainment consisting of Tao's powerpoint slide show and Chris's super duper M-nite sneak preview video was just brilliant! But learning that many of our freshers would make great circus freakshows during the Virus game was an eye opener! Aargh.. those double jointed elbows....
Sunday (Day 2 of fresher's camp)I'm sorry to rub it in but... thanks to my warm and cosy sleeping bag, I actually had a VERY comfortable night in the pavillion! If Tao hadn't woken up talking about "Sotong sotong! Dodol dodol!". Soha talked in her sleep again! Hehe! But she didn't mention Amar's name this time (can just see you wiping away those beads of sweat!)Day 2 started of bright and early with stream trotting! And yes, yours truly stupidly wore white! Why hasn't ANYONE in ODAC ever told me you shouldn't wear white when you're gonna get wet? Particularly since Odacians are extremely susceptible to RAIN?? Everything I wore during expeditions was white... so how come, it's only Malaysian IC people who have a problem with this wearing white thing? Educate me, please!The stream was very carefully trotted in my loose Nike sandals. Waterfall was refreshing! It's been so long since I felt one with nature. The singing out of tune all the way back to the campsite was fun too! The afternoon got abit draggy, although Chien Liq did a great job of keeping the freshers from falling asleep. Alumni members did not make much of a scene (thank goodness!). And, man... I really don't know what hit the freshers when we introduced 'Polar Bear' to them. You'd swear the ones in my group were literally being killed with all the screaming that was going on!BBQ and campfire was a pretty relaxed and spontaneous thing. Chien Liq again stole the limelight with his story telling. Some disturbing performances from the freshers. Nevertheless, with so many talented performers, I'm once again inspired to finish the M-nite script... with some performers in mind! Woohoo! Didn't get much sleep that night. No thanks to Tao and Chien Liq. I don't think I've recovered yet from that night of stolen sleep... but you don't get to chit chat with your batch mates like that everyday...
Monday (Day 3 of fresher's camp)Fresher's considerately let the seniors sleep in a little longer. I was surviving only on adrenaline on the last morning. Failed to keep up a lively Q&A session, nevertheless revealing angels & mortals solved that, not to mention the squash banana dance! After lunch, we sent the freshers packing on the bus with Soha, while the rest of us headed to the Tapah rest stop for some makan. At that point I suddenly felt a huge weight crash down on me, and I couldn't even keep my eyes open. I nearly concussed in Jia Hong's car on the way back if Jia Hong hadn't continuously kept up the conversation to keep me conscious. Reached home and immediately zoned out after dinner. Lionel sounded rather amused from the 3 smses he left on my phone...
After the camp, I lost track of time. Before I knew it I was on a Nice Plusliner bus travelling to Singapore with my little brother (who made me take him to Marches for lunch in return for supporting the UK Bound clubbing event by IC Singsoc). My break down under was abit of a blur. If I recall, I think I got a tour of Ang Mo Kio (although if you leave me right in the middle I still will not be able to find Lionel's apartment even after 5 days!), I spent an afternoon in NUS with Sher, Venki and Baa, and even visited Lionel's labs, went clubbing at China Black - even though I spent most of my time at the ticket counter, trying to keep Lionel entertained (no, I didn't do a very good job, soweee!), went shopping at Queensway (new shoes and a new pink bag!!! and I was this close to buying a pink pair of shoes... till Lionel convinced me otherwise!), met Mao Mao and Darren and Jing Ye for prata dinner, had tea with Charme, Joseph, Sherene and Venki at NYDC (yes, Charme... you still have everyright to punch Lionel for his mischevious sms), and a BBQ dinner with the Low family (and I mean like almost the entire Low family... I have this feeling the only person I got on really well with was Lionel's 3 year old niece...) and that pretty much sums up my much deserved holiday! Far far away from MSoc... although I have to admit I couldn't resist checking my mail and the forums.

And now I'm back again. Feeling a little silly that I didn't get to see you, due to a very silly mistake which I'll have to explain although I don't feel like explaining. Maybe it was fate. Maybe we're just never meant to meet again. Maybe its just a way of telling me I have already moved on with life and things are never going to be the same again and that's just the way it should be. Silly me.

2 weeks left. Time to start packing again. You'd think I'd be used to this... but... sigh...

The flame has been extinguished. Fatigue has hit me hard. My head is pounding, my eyelids are heavy, my limbs like lead. I even resorted to a large slice of sweet tiramisu cake in a desperate attempt at sugar high energy. But I've met my match in my own self.

I'm completely drained. It's like I've been doing sets of stair climbing and the blood is still pounding in my head except that I haven't done anything more vigorous than 30 minutes on the exer-cycle! Months of planning for a camp has led to my wishing that Monday would come sooner and I'd only have to worry about packing my bags and jumping on the bus to Singapore.

3 more weeks before I'm back in the cold dreariness and English rain. So soon? Where has time gone?

Selamat Hari Kebangsaan!

"Tanggal 31, bulan lapan, lima puluh tujuh... Merdeka, Merdeka!"

Yeah, that's one of the few patriotic songs I know, embarrassingly. I do still remember the lyrics to Setia... I think. Anyhow, I don't care what you say! I am full blooded Malaysian, no matter how many times you affiliate me with that island down south!

It's a quiet Merdeka day for KL residents this year. The celebrations have been shunted to my father's hamlet hometown - Kuantan. And I'm more than glad I'm not one of those red, white, yellow or blue clad school kids continuously waving flags and scarves while singing some badly composed patriotic song for almost an hour. Can we not come up with something more creative after 47 years of independence? Or is it part of the constitution to drag submissive school kids to the parade just to form a human flag?

As a tribute to the nation's independence, my sister and I are attempting to make a tiramisu cake today. I do not have very high expectations of it, seeing that I had to replace the mascaporne cheese with another italian cheese as my sister is quite determined to make that cake, with or without the right ingredients!

My printer is also quite determined to annoy me by printing as slowly as possible, with or without the right colours!

I can't do this!

I can't live without a routine. I wake up at 8am and think "Shouldn't I be somewhere?" and then recall that staying in bed is considered a luxury to some and maybe I should just draw that duvet back over my head. But no! I toss and turn for about 15 minutes, and then decide I've had enough of sleeping. It's time to start the day.

But what with?

My diary which has been filled with reminders and 'to do' lists is now so empty, it's almost lifeless (roughly the same condition I am in). I know I'm supposed to do stuff for MSoc, but now that I have all the time in the world, it's just too much time to handle and MSoc things become insignificant teeny tasks. Not important because I didn't pen it down in red in my diary and underlined it at least twice.

I wonder what such obsessive compulsive behaviour will do to me in my old age!

The last day of work is finally here! Popped off from work at 1pm sharp (practically ran helter skelter out of there!). A very unexciting end to an unexciting attachment. Half the office wasn't even there on my last few days of work.

Strangely enough, now that I am free, I don't really feel like doing MSoc work. Maybe its fatigue, maybe I've reached the end of my rope, maybe I just want to enjoy doing absolutely nothing for awhile.

I'm tempted to do something totally outrageous and out of this world next week. Like baking or something...

And catch up on some TV, newspapers, blogs, and finally get down to starting my Literature reading list. Every time I look at it I feel like crying. Engineers shouldn't be put through the torture of doing humanities! Oh well, Literature was still the better of all the evils (which includes stuff like History of the Roman Empire, Music and Western Civilisation, Politics and Philosophy...). It's time to get back to Hardy and Blake and Lawrence, and forget Fourier and Laplace and that stupid cat!

I am le tired.

And judging from the nicks on msn, so is everyone else.

After weeks and weeks of MSoc work (yeah, that's right - MSoc work! Because I don't do any real work in the office anyway) I took a weekend break, dumped my freshers list on Tao, sent off my half written M-nite script to Ayish, packed my bags and jumped on a night train to Singapore.

I was quite determined not to be reached in Singapore. I had swapped my Maxis sim card for a Starhub one, and only my parents and Singaporean friends knew my number. I would be far far away from the Internet on Sentosa Island with Singsoc. And if all else failed, Lionel was quite determined not to let me do any MSoc work too!

So I arrived in Singapore on a bright Saturday morning and immediately hopped on an SBS bus (gosh... I've missed SBS buses!) straight to NUS into Charmaine and Joseph's welcoming car. Charme brought me to the Art's canteen for it's famed food... but my stomach felt kinda stapled the moment I crossed the causeway. After a quick shower I ran off to RJ (leaving my towel in Charme's room in the process! Go me!).

Odacia was, well, good actually! It was great to see all of you... and you... and the day had ups and downs AND a football smashed into my face, but it was all good. Hanging around aimlessly and talking cock with Odac just like the old days... watching the Olympic table tennis match, sitting on the floor at Taka basement, eating dinner (I didn't think the old Odac habit still existed!)... I'm sorry I didn't stay longer. And it wasn't as I had feared - that things had changed and gone and moved on and that you guys would see a different me and not like it. But it didn't happen, and even Morris was so nice to comment, "I see your fashion sense hasn't changed".

By the time I reached Sentosa it was past 9pm. Taking the bus over to Sentosa, quite alone, little puffs of memory clouds passed through my mind - especially that dreadful YEC Camp, Odac seniors farewell, and other times spent with friends come and gone... and it felt a little weird to literally leave Odac behind and join a new bunch of friends in Singsoc. Odac which has always represented Singapore for me is slowly being replaced.

Lionel picked me up from the visitor centre smelling of BBQ smoke, and brought me to the chalets where the first person I chanced upon was Ronald Huang! (Not so big a surprise) Lester was somewhere around too (also not that big a surprise), but then Ronald pointed out Bok and said "You're still scared of him, right?". Ouch! 3 Odac seniors, now my juniors... guess there won't be a dull moment at Imperial anymore. It was great meeting up with my seniors. I've missed their bullying. Meeting up with Jacq, Darren, Ee Wen, etc. was great fun too. I'm now feeling the pressure of holding a camp that's up to standard. Loved the little airconditioned hut I shared with Lionel - seriously Singaporeans are spoilt!

Guess I missed most of the activities at the camp, but still managed to pick up some gossips with regards to the infamous Lester Loi who's made himself quite popular! Had breakfast at Macs where Kai Leng mistook a real dog's bark for Jac and Marvin's barks and sent a disapproval warning to our table. Then went back to Lionel's house to bathe and change and then it was out to Suntec again to meet my brother for lunch. Fed him enough seafood to make him sick! He didn't even want desert! Then after going to church with my little brother, I went back to Orchard to meet the linsteadians for Xiao Loong Pow (however you spell it lah...). Didn't eat much because my stomach was still stapled but managed to stuff 3 tar sau pows! Go me!

We then headed over to Jac's house and I was introduced to her menagarie of animals, whose names you'd swear were right off a restaurant menu! That's what you get for calling your dog Tofu and hamster Zi Ma and Char Siew Pau. Darren scared the living daylights out of her parrot by prodding it with a stick. I don't think I ventured near it at all. At least Tofu likes me, dogs can SO sense that you're a cat lover, Alex!!

Nearly fell asleep while the guys watched football, and Lionel and I pretty much concussed after Alex dropped us back. But not before I got to finally check my mail while Lionel was taking a bath, even though I was sort of forbidden to. Spent Monday morning just lazing around until it was time for me to go. I don't get many chances to laze around on a working day, and with Lionel at that!

And now it's back to work again. I don't mean office work of course. I'm on call for Msoc 24-7. In fact my phone was continuously ringing the night a got back! Looks like I can't really leave MSoc alone, even for ONE weekend. Can't wait to run back to Singapore again on the 8th! Yes, I'll be back, and maybe this time we can say more than just hi, bye and ask annoying questions, huh?

My weekdays have just become a buzz. But the weekends are hell-uva joy ride!
I just couldn't wait for last Friday to end. Lionel and Darren boarded a bus from Singapore at midnight to arrive here at 6am. Woke up at 7am with a shock to find no miss calls or smses on my phone. Lionel's idea of being considerate was my idea of causing me to worry and imagine all the unimaginable possibilities that could have happened to them.

Finally brought them over to my place and after a rest we set off for KLCC, for an MSoc committee meeting. Must have been broken all committee meeting records! 5 hours in the KLCC food court! By the end of it my voice had half disappeared and Amar was suffering hunger pangs at home... waiting for us to join him for Asam Laksa... which we did eventually. Yummy!

Plans to watch House of Flying Daggers with Lionel didn't turn out so we ended up tucking in on garlic naans and special rotis at Murni. All diets set by my mum were completely ignored.

Lionel and I spent the entire Sunday lazing around, eating banana leaf, looking for parking at Ikano, wolfing down Peranakan food and finally watching House of Flying daggers before playing chauffeur and picking up Amar, Darren and Fong May for some late night mamak in Bangsar.

Had to wake up earlier (haha, like about 10am) to go shopping at Midvalley on Monday. Didn't really find anything worth buying and I guess I was kind of tired from the lack of sleep. Finally sent Lionel off at Palace of the Golden Horses where his parents were waiting for him.

Nothing like a weekend spent lazing around with Lionel. Will be in Singapore next weekend to take a sneak peak at Sojourn (and of course for Odacia-lah... I haven't forgotten about you guys). Right now I just have to worry about this Saturday's Gamuda scholarship awards ceremony. Tuning my guitar, practising vocal scales... how long has it been since I last performed for an audience?

2 more weeks till the end of my practical training. I'm counting down the days (10), and if I'm bored enough I'll count the hours too!

Moi will be in Singapore on the morning of 21st August. It's Odacia time again. Feeling apprehensive. I still bloody don't know bloody why. And I don't think I mean it. I've just got a few things to accomplish in the 2 days I'll be there.
1. Meet Odac
2. Meet Lionel
3. Meet SheShuShueh
4. Meet my brother
I'll figure out how I'm going to perform this miracle!
I'll be back again on the 31st anyway...

There's a tornado going on in my head right now. I'm hearing little snatches of conversations with myself. "You're doing everything, you've gotta let some things go" "You can't trust anyone these days to live up to their promises" "Maybe it's time to throw in the towel, no? Not yet?" "No, that isn't you... it's never been you...."
And then there are little snatches of things you want to say out loud. Not over the phone, nor online (which is worse). Just out loud in your face, so I don't have to guess at the smiley faces or weird chatting syntax.

After the end of another harrowing week of work (work? nah, I think it's called staring at the little clock at the corner of my computer screen tick away the minutes), Ravi, Sachpal and Sugi whisked me away to Giant at Kelana Jaya for some Starbucks cold chocolate drinks (branded ice Milo - lah!). Then after church, the same culprits (this time with Menon in tow) kidnapped me to Syed's for plain ol' mamak-ing and plain ol' banging. Damn it, these are the kind of people who will still insult me to my face, 50 years from now in front of our grand kids! And we'll still get a kick out of it. (Although I won't go so far as calling you my machas... someone has already claimed you guys... *cough*)

They say the city can numb your senses, and numb 'em pretty bad.

To be able to gape at towns like Bukit Beruntung and Kuala Kubu Baru (barely an hour's drive out of KL) and wonder in amazement how these little towns (their pride and joy being their local mosque or one of the many mushrooming local 'universiti's) far from the nearest Golden Screen Cinemas or glass covered skyscrapers have managed to spawn and produce residents, nay whole families, with much more than a proton wira parked in their porchs.

I have been a city girl much too long.

I watched as a group of primary school kids came charging at our Pajero on their bicycles. "So young, so daring already", commented my supervisor. But I was thinking of the kids from the primary school down the road from where I live, whose maids shelter them with umbrellas (what from? acid rain?) and carry their school bags and usher them into Mum and Dad's Mercedes which is blocking the entire road so that Junior has easy access to that big plush back seat.

You don't really know who to feel sorry for. Perhaps my own blinded self.

Ladidaa... Results are out! Well, for EEE and ISE that is. No one has dared make that fatal phone call to the department to find out if we're eligible for 2nd year. So we just sat around and waited for the whacked up British post and non-existent Pos Malaysia to deliver that much anticipated envelope, while everyone else from Math & computing to medicine and the rest of the engineers, already knew their results! EEE likes piling on the suspense, I suspect.
And phew! I passed! Oh alright, I wasn't in danger of failing... but it was nice to see my name on the pass list (30 out of the 41 ISE first years... only 3 quarters of us passed???). And nicer still to see that the only subject I got a B in was management... MANAGEMENT??? *pout*!!! And I missed by one bleedin' mark! But still numb with shock that I actually managed to scrape an A in Analogue! Couldn't stop staring at the mark for awhile... I mean hallucinations happen, don't they?
Now I can spend the rest of my summer,  relatively worry free!

Time for an update (partly to give Sherene something to do when she's bored)
 
I am currently a week-old overqualified secretary. They say I'm a trainee engineer, but it sure doesn't seem like it. The first few days of work were dreadful, just like any other first days. I was literally watching the hands of the clock tick away as I waited for the golden hour - 5.30pm! Although leaving my house at 8.15 just to arrive on the dot at 8.30am is like a dream for most people!
 
Within those 9 hours, my best friend is the telephone. That's because I have no internet access (yes, gasp! horrors!) and my job is basically to make phone calls to suppliers to check on their quotations and products. It's been quite fun talking to some nervous and too-eager-to-please suppliers, pretending I actually know what I'm doing when I haven't even been to the water plant yet! Hopefully next week I'll get to visit the water plant which is an hour's drive away.
 
Haven't been all too sociable the past week. So it was a good thing Virus invited most of the Amanian Interactors and Sugi to her house for a little party. Nice catching up with everyone, even if London and UK talk dominated most of the conversation.
 
Also managed to hold a committee meeting on Thursday. Go us! Finalised more things regarding the camp. It's all coming together nicely now. With a push and a nudge here and there... we'll get this committee moving! M-nite ideas are blooming as well! And I'm not telling you what they are... you'll just have to come and see for yourself and be amazed! Oh yes!
 
Alright then, till the end of next week. And remember, a computer with no internet is virtually dead!

Just put down Fingersmith by Sarah Waters. Very gripping tale of crime, trickery and lesbianism. Er... yes, I now realise Sarah Waters is a lesbian writer, but an extremely talented story teller. Her depiction of London in the mid 1800s is so real... as she runs familiar names past you - Hammersmith, Charing Cross, Picadilly - and yet paints it in different colours and makes it a completely different place! London, the warm, close-knit world of theives, pit against the cold, gloomy, country side mansion at Briar. But I think I might have liked it a little better had the two female protagonists not gone down on each other. Oh, come on... you guys go read a gay novel and tell me if you don't get goosebumps!

Oh and by the way, I start work on Monday at SPLASH - a subsidiary of GAMUDA. And of all my biggest worries... I have no working shoes!!!

Pretty good weekend, for the strangest of holidays yet. I have never waited so long to see my parents, to want my parents around so badly, to wish I did not have the dreary monotony of child-care, house-care and even car-care, to want to be treated as a daughter and not as a fill-in mother.
I take for granted - the trips to eat my favourite char kuay teow, the freedom to run around KL or PJ when a phonecall comes in, the late nights out without care or responsibility of knowing who's going to lock up, thinking that my sister's education (or re-education) had nothing what-so-ever to do with me, treating my boyfriend's visits as my first and only priority...
But it isn't so. Life is much too short and precious to be about me alone.
And so I go for early morning walks with Daddy, 4 times round the park and as many times as he can walk before he tires himself. And I run around depositing cheques, arranging appointments and calling people for Mummy, even if I'm just dying for more hours of sleep. And I stay at home every night just to sort out Ling's homework and piano practice, even when Sachpal and Jere call to tempt me out.
And I'm so glad you're being so understanding, honey. Thanks for coming up to KL to see me and yet not see me. For allowing me to run off from KLCC before nine so I could take a straight LRT home. For finding your own way through our lousy LRT system with unconnected lines to spend a day, running errands with me and bumming around with Amar. And not complaining that your day was uninteresting, (well it certainly wasn't uninteresting when we were ransacking Amar's room and having banana leaf lunch with Soha) although it couldn't possibly have done any justice to the rates you are paying to stay in KL! (Next time, honestly... either my place or Amar's for free! Who stays in a hotel when you have friends right here?). And thanks, honey, for telling me where my priorities should be. And it's right here, at home.

News Flash #1
Mummy and Daddy are finally back from Singapore. But that certainly doesn't mean my babysitting burdens have been lifted off me (so sorry, I can't do weekends for the next 2-3 weeks). Instead I'm mum's chauffeur, dad's nurse and my sister's punching bag. Anyway it's good to have them home again and be treated to REAL malaysian food.

News Flash #2
Lionel's in town. I went down to Lot 10 to meet him and his army buddies, who are very sweet in trying their best to limit their mandarin and speak more english than is way past their norm, but I appreciate it. We walked around Petaling Street and Jalan Alor, perpetually eating (the national past time in Malaysia) and haggling for clothes and tit-bits. I'll be seeing him again tomorrow. Hopefully with Amar and Soha as well, if they're not too lazy.

News Flash #3
Evelyn, my all-time favourite scholarship officer, called to say I may be getting a placement for my practical training soon. Yay! No more aimless bumming around days. I just can't work right without some rigid monotonous schedule to help me mark the days. No, I'm serious!!! Without a fixed uni time table, I'm quite at a loss as to how to pass the days.

News Flash #4
Nah, just toying with you...

Sunday...
Wh-wh-where am I???

Monday...
"No shit! It's noon already??? What?? Send you to school??? NOW???"

Tuesday...
"You're kidding right? 8.30 in the morning is an unholy time to send you for tuition!!"

Wednesday...
"Must you go to school everyday? I wanna sleep!"

Thursday...
"Not my fault you haven't finished practising your piano. You're going for piano class NOW so I can come back and sleep some more!"

Friday...
"Oh come on! Get up! It's 8am and I'm already up before you. Get moving!"


I'm basically under house arrest. Apart from hanging around Jerry's house one afternoon and meeting Ruba at Sunway Pyramid for half an hour, I haven't seen much sunlight (I make sure no deadly UV rays can hit me while I'm driving!). Jerry and Pal dropped by last night to pay me a little visit. God bless them, they never change. Still insulting me and their own mothers. Anu, Sugi, we want you back here!!! With Ravi of course... in one piece and not violated. I miss Jun Ling... there's no one to update me on good ol' PJ gossip. Maggie's not even here to debate with. Ashwyn Donovan's in the states (I hope, I REALLY hope!) and not around to help me get pirated software. Damian... hmm... where the hell is he? For a guy who lives 2 roads away I haven't heard a single squeak from the him!

But on a cheerier note, Lionel will be here tomorrow! I want to go cycling at Ubin too! And I'd gladly go to Sungei Buloh... not like those soccer fanatic bums! I'm an Odacian after all! Can't you guys wait for me to come to Singapore?

Stepping out off the plane, Lionel claimed he could feel the water droplets in the air. Goodbye to dry, still air. Goodbye to bottles and bottles of lotions and mosturisers. Hello to baths three times a day. My hair feels like a Barbie doll's. Not the smooth silky out-of-the-box kind, but the matted and clumpy kind. I need to see a hairdresser soon. Snip snip! Yeah... I'm home.

Maybe I should add my own fair share of departure stories. Seeing that Friday was a full day of departures. I actually had nightmares on Thursday night that I wouldn't be able to finish packing on time as everything I owned was still in my room in boxes and bags and hadn't been transported to my Godma's house.

Woke up late on Friday morning and rushed to wash up and change in time to meet the Malaysian Imperial Alumni president, Dr. Foo. Quite an obvious generation gap between the bunch of us 20 year olds and the 50 something Dr. Foo. Still found out we were related by some chance. I swear my family's too interconnected to too many people.

After the meeting I practically ran back to Linstead to do my laundry and say goodbye to Jac, Jing Ye and Alex. I intended to leave for my Godma's house after my last laundry cycle but Lionel still hadn't done his laundry and was somewhere in college. Finally left for my Godma's house at 4pm to store my things. Made it back at 5.30pm... and the airport taxi was supposed to arrive at 6pm! And to add to the horrors, I hadn't packed my luggage yet!

I learnt that day that it is possible to pack both your check in bags and hand luggage in 15 minutes. In the rush I didn't really get to give room B12 the proper goodbye it deserved. (And I also left my vitamins in the fridge, but that doesn't make for a tearful departure story). B12 with it's lovely view of the gardens and it's pension for room mates moving in and out and the scent of many many summer dinners, I don't think I'm the only person who's going to miss it.

Yi Shan, our taxi scout had a bit of trouble finding the taxi. It was a good thing he didn't take the tube as orginally planned as Julian texted me reporting delays on the Picadilly line. Finally, at 6.10pm we managed to squash our gigantic pieces of luggage (ok, MY one big gigantic AND heavy bag) into the cab and we were off. Poor Lionel who had been my porter for the day was so tired he slept almost all the way to the airport, which was frustrating due to the massive jam!

At the check in counter, we cheated, as Yi Shan's friend (goodness, I still don't know her name!) was waiting for us at the front of the line. I had to unpack my 38 kg bag and transfer 4 wine bottles to Yi Shan's back pack as the new rules now state that each piece of luggage cannot be more than 32 kg. Andrew who was behind us was laughing at our many many bags and claiming that we had cut his queue. He's such an accomodating senior.

Finally we headed to the waiting area, because Yi Shan's friend just couldn't wait to shop, and we wanted to find Amar who had left earlier for his 'pre-departure rituals'. We found him sitting rather miserably on his own in screen saver mode. Apparently there hadn't been anything good on sale. Decided to make use of him and left him our bags to watch while Lionel and I walked around. Amar was quite right. There wasn't anything good to buy. So decided to board the plane.

And there we were, Lionel, me, Yi Shan and his friend, sitting in a row. Goodness knows where Amar was. He promised to visit us but he never did. Lionel and I watched Starsky and Hutch (or something like that). Quite funny. But we were so tired we pretty much slept most of the time. I didn't get my salted peanuts because of that! *pout* Yi Shan had 2 packets!

Arrived on schedule, but didn't find Amar on leaving the plane. Poor Lionel, broke his heart that Amar didn't even bother to say goodbye. ("You spend 9 months with that Mat and he didn't even stay to say goodbye!"). After finding Lionel's transit gate, I met up with Amar at baggage reclaim who argued that "Well, we'll be seeing Lionel next week, what!". Spent half an hour waiting for Yi Shan and friend to appear from the duty free shops. Still find it ironic that the first shop I see after stepping out of the aerotrain is Harrods!!! Bah! I didn't need to leave London to see that.

My brother and sister with Aunty Amy in tow were ready to eagerly greet me at the gates. However as we were loading my so very heavy bag into the car we noticed a flat tyre. So Lionel wasn't the only one hanging around KLIA for another hour! In fact by the time I finally left KLIA, Lionel was probably on the way to Singapore!

And so here I am at home. My brother has returned to Singapore. I still haven't seen my parents and won't be seeing them till this weekend. I'm officially a babysitter. I tried going out to buy some things while my sister was at school today, but the heel of my shoe broke just as I stepped out of my car (when I had just found a parking space after 3 rounds!!!). Guess I'm not meant to go jalan-jalan. Wanted to walk around the SS2 pasar malam, but couldn't find any kakis to go with me. Passed Damian's house but his car wasn't in. Where is everybody???

So what really is the excitement of being home? Feels like I'm just transiting between lives. Here's to 3 months of not knowing what to do.

Well not entirely. Lionel's coming up to KL this Saturday. I know what I'll be doing for the next week! *wink*

London's giving me the traditional send off - guiltlessly drenching me in summer showers at all hours of the day. Darn, I've already packed my umbrella. It's the ODAC rain god I tell you.

If university life has taught me one thing its that you can never predict the unpredictable. That and how to debone chicken.

Departure details have been confirmed. Departing from Heathrow this Friday at 10pm - London time. It's going to be a rather jolly plane ride with Lionel, Amar and Yi Shan on the same flight, not to mention loads of other IC Malaysians including my senior Andrew. Arriving at KLIA on Saturday, 6pm - Malaysian time. No red carpet welcome. Just my little brother and Aunty Amy. My parents will be in Singapore. Daddy's undergoing treatment at SGH. But I'll be seeing him soon and everything will be alright. Yups, daddy's little girl is coming home.

I can still be contacted on the same handphone number. Not that there will be a whole hoard of people waiting to contact me, all the same its zero-one-two-two-seven-three-three-zero-four-eight. Unfortunately I won't be able to be on call all the time. I'll be working at Gamuda during the day time and baby-sitting my little sister during the night while my parents are away.

Priority this holidays will be a little different. My little siblings come first, and my mummy and daddy who are possibly tired and haggard with all the travelling. I can't invite anyone to the house because of my dad's condition, so bear with me. If I do have any free time at all, MSoc meetings will have to be number one priority, followed by trying to make time to go down to Singapore where I will make it a point to see the TCHBS bunch and ODAC.

Till then... packing is in process. I hate stripping my room bare. It's like peeling away my own skin and leaving it unrecognisable and faceless!

Lionel just left to sit for his first paper. I hope Jacq has done the same. The poor things. Everyone else is partying like crazy and their exams haven't even begun. That's what you get for being biologists or bio-chemists or bio-medics or anything beginning with the prefix bio!

5 days more to go. I've got a bunch of stuff to do today. But baby, it's cold outside. I'm waiting for the cleaning lady to finish scrubbing the kitchen so I can peel some potatoes for lunch. Meanwhile I'll just sit here shivering. The weather's gone crazy. From a steaming 28 degrees, Mother Nature has decided to give us the cold shoulder and plunged to 15 degrees and thereabouts. My duvet has been packed up and transported to my Godma's house, so now I'm left with 1 fleece blanket and 1 thermal blanket and very very cold toes! Brrr... I want to steal Lionel's duvet because he's a natural radiator and never feels cold anyway, but I don't want him to catch a cold during exams. Damn! Choices...

Linstead's Going Down dinner was yesterday. I made a bet with Rich that I would take only an hour to get ready. I was out of my room in 45 minutes and carefully trying to climb 6 flights of stairs in my high heels to Lionel's room to fish for compliments before Amar could take me down a peg or two (I stupidly told him I was going to wear my birthday dress earlier... without thinking of the repercussions...)
Dinner was of course a dissapointment. But the pretty balloons kept me happy. There was clearly less excitement as there were many missing Linsteadians. Our own group was a rather small, only Amar, Soha, Fong May, Darren and me. And the music at the disco was all cheese! Oh well... an expected end to the year at Linstead.
Best part of the night: Rich impersonating Karim with the head of a mop under a baseball cap over his own hair!

Yesterday, Fong May, Chien Liq and I went canvassing for restaurant discounts in China town. There must be like 30 restaurants in China town. While Fong May did most of the talking, I hung around giving moral support - due to my embarrasing Chinese accent and lack of Cantonese vocabulary. (It's amazing how I understand everything everybody is saying... but the words just don't come out right!).
The three of us have also realised an obvious disadvantage amongst us. None of us speak Mandarin fluently enough. Yeah ok, go ahead and smirk and tell me off again for not trying to learn Mandarin properly off you guys. One day Lionel's just going to have to force me to speak in Mandarin.

I've got the contract in my hands right now. I've got my dream kitchen, the room with the fake fireplace and LOADS of storage space. No ensuite bathroom, but as long as the rest don't complain about my pink bathrobe, everything's fine!

Venki came to visit me today. I picked him up at South Kensington station and gave him the grand tour of Imperial College (which didn't take more than 20 minutes). I also gave him the grand tour of my room in Linstead (which wasn't very interesting) and also the grand tour of Hyde Park. We said hi to Albert on the way, in his glistening throne. Then we walked to Harrods to drool at the chocolates and sweets in the Food Hall before Venki went home. Yay! That makes a total of 2 friends from Singapore who visited me this year. I feel popular.

I don't want to jinx this, but:

We're signing the housing contract today! (*Woohoo! - Vivian style*, I don't think many would believe me if I say I have a friend who bounces around like tigger from Winnie the Pooh and frequently "woohoo"s, but I do!).

We being Yi Shan, Lu, Lu's sister Yue Shuang (Jac and I are still adamant we heard her introduce herself as Yu Wei!), Lionel and myself in one household, Jac, Vivian, Marvin and Fidel in the other. And we're going to stay in the same building! It'll be like FRIENDS.

And we're getting the most expensive apartment. It's going to cost me 100 pounds a week. But what the heck! Lionel's happy and that's priceless.

We've got 2 huge double rooms and 1 single room. And we've got a balcony! No fight for the ensuite bathroom (advantages of being the fairer sex in Imperial), and another one in the corridor. The kitchen isn't huge but it's cosy and modern looking and I had this strange vision of myself cooking in it when I stepped in yesterday even though I didn't know I'd be getting this house (I wanted the basement initially).

Well, wish me luck! I have to look for my cheque book now. I do believe I've forgotten how to write a cheque again.

Feeling much better now, thank you.

It's been a hard day.

And I'm not going to mince words. Because I'm upset. I'm upset that everyone is upset. I'm upset that people carelessly give their word without realising the consequences of it, that in the process they've caused so many people to become depressed and unhappy when the day started out so promising.

It's so easy to say "we'll find a place" and "don't worry, sure got one!". But did you ever try looking? Did you ever try worrying? Did you spend those late nights scouring online listings, visiting the accomodation office, calling landlords, emailing agents and calling everyone up one by one to get them to obligingly spend their precious time viewing the place as if its some great honour to us? And don't forget, we did all this even though we had our own unfinished revision and piles of notes in front of us. We did this so that we wouldn't be running around like headless chickens without a place to stay. We added this to our list of worries while we were sitting for our exams. We dedicated our time to trying to suit everyone's demands, and in return we got screwed over.

And I just have to ask... did anybody care about what WE wanted? Never!

And it's easy to just do nothing, isn't it? To give fleeting promises. It's all too easy these days. Your word means nothing. Sincerity is worthless. Everyone's too caught up in their own lives to care about anyone else.

I'm so pissed. F*ck off!

Everyone expects me to be a happy carefree june bug these days. It's been 5 days and counting since my last paper. But somedays when I look at the post-its on my desk, I want to cry.
Is it too much to ask for people to live up to the promises they made before accepting their responsibilities? Is it just too much to expect people to fulfil their promises which they noddingly agreed to? Or am I being to hard a task master? Perhaps I'm being overly ambitious and shouldn't expect things to be done efficiently without procrastination, day after day, week after week. It's just me isn't it?
I'm an overzealous committee member in any committee I've worked in. Before I go to sleep each night I tick off an imaginary checklist in my head, and I wake up most days with an alarming feeling that something urgent needs to be done TODAY. I can't let things rot... my heart palpitates if someone reminds me of something I haven't done. And I take on more than I can manage, always! I nag and I scold and I bug people. Sometimes it gets the job done, other times it turns things against me.
But what can I do? I cannot bear to see things fall to shambles, knowing that I know how to make it happen. You may not like me for it, but I WILL make it happen. I won't be Miss Popularity any time soon for it. It'll be a thankless job. But you are so darn right!

I'll do it anyway because that's just me.

What swear word are you?
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Age
Your word of choice	Slut
Why you swear	You only swear if something really pisses you off. You genereally don't swear much.
Your motto	Move Bitch, get out my way!
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I must be the only EEE/ISE first year who's not in a post-exam high. Honestly I don't really feel any different today than I did while still in the midst of exams. Alex say's it's because I was too slack throught them. He might actually be right.
So while everyone was at Ministry of Sound getting wasted, me being my usual anti-social self went straight home right after exams and started filing all my notes since Lionel was at the A*Star dinner. By dinner time I had completed 2 terms worth of notes. And by the time Lionel came back from dinner I had filed all my past year papers, lab reports and courseworks and was just about to take a nap.
But instead of a nap, Lionel came up with the brilliant suggestion of watching the last Friends episode I had been denying myself for ages! Went over to Jac's room to confisticate her entire 10 seasons of Friends from her (btw, if you're reading this Jac, you ought to be studying!!!), remembered that my CD player wasn't working, so went up to Lionel's room instead to watch it and promptly fell asleep after that. Didn't realise I was THAT tired as I didn't wake up till the sun was peeking in through the windows.
After dragging myself out of bed, I managed to catch hold of Lu to help me carry stuff back from Diana's (the ex Msoc secretary) flat. It took half an hour to reach Diana's flat and probably longer walking back with 4 plastic bags of stuff! And the lack of exercise after 5 weeks of studying was really punishing! Ran a few errands on the way back which included picking up a bottle of shower gel for Lionel. Bodyshop has discontinued the grape seed line (much to Lionel's dissapointment) so I picked up a melon seed one following Lu's discretion from a selection of strawberry, papaya, mango, coconut and brazil nut (Amar says he would have picked mango! G--)
Reached Linstead to find there had been a fire alarm... on polling day! What with Linstead being a polling station and all. Sabotage, I tell you! Then hurried off to college to pass a backpack back to Zeus, picked up 2 paninis for lunch (no not for myself alone!! For Lionel too... I'm not THAT piggish!) and back to Linstead again... feeling highly accomplished for having run so many errands in one morning alone.
I think the effort of it all just got to me, as I fell asleep in Lionel's room after wolfing down my panini. I can't stand my room anymore. The still air and all 23 degrees of heat is unbearable. Lionel's room on the other hand is the proud owner of a desk fan! Sometime while I was sleeping, one of the spanish cleaners knocked on Lionel's door and handed him a parcel with Amazon printed all over it! Yippee! Our books had arrived. Which included Alex's scouting for boys by Sir Baden Powell. Incredibly dodgy title when you think about it. An old man like Sir Baden Powell writing a book on how to scout for young boys and where to find them... *cough cough*
Another fire alarm later (this one smelt of char kway teow! Oh damn... now I'm feeling hungry), and a phone call to mum and a much needed second bath (honestly it's hard to survive a day in this heat without at least 2 baths!), all of us traipsed over to the Main Dining Hall in college for dinner, as our Linstead dining room was still full of voters. What a sight! Everyone's allowed to vote. Even us! And I haven't even voted in my own country yet. How ironic!
After our usual dose of Simpsons, I started to tidy up the dinner accounts and do laundry simultaneously. Panicked for a moment when they didn't seem to balance. But after a few thorough checks everything balanced perfectly! I'm so proud of myself and my rusty accounting skills! Although we haven't really worked out how much each of us has to pay for Carla (Amar's birthday present... go figure!) and the alcohol of which there is still enough to try and get Amar wasted again.
Wrote 2 Brownsea postcards to my brother. Flipped through some of the holiday photos Lionel wants me to sort out. And now I think I'll finish reading my new book before going to sleep.
It's been a long day...

Charlotte's brain status - on long hiatus!
(For those who question it ever being there anyway, well f- ...nevermind)

Exams are finally over. I can now look forward to sorting out Msoc stuff, sorting out accounts, sorting out next years accomodation. I don't need to sort out my notes. I already did that first thing after my last paper yesterday.

In Germany a shallot is known as Schalotte. In Spain it's Chalote, in Denmark it's Skalotte løg, in France it's Échalote and in Sweden it's Schalottenlök.
Now I understand how easy it is for particular friends of Lionel to mistake me for a small purple onion.

Credits to Alex for surfing upon : Shallot.com

p/s: Amar, you are still not forgiven for using Shallot instead of Charlotte just because it's in your sms dictionary and is 2 letters less to key into your phone pad!

When the temperature rises above 25 degrees here, all things seem to come to a halt. Today is a sweltering 27 degrees and I'm sitting here like a hippo, looking for ways to keep cool. I can't be expected to understand caches in this heat! Tomorrow will be 29 degrees and I think it's possible my brain might just melt and ooze out from my ears.
One last papers to go. In two parts. Principles of Computers and Operating Systems. While the triple E's will be done by 12 noon and whizzing around like crazy june bugs I will have to hold out till 5pm. Then come back and rearrange my room and start bugging a few selected people - namely the MSoc Committee.

I've learnt my lesson this time. No more sleeping after dinner. Especially not after gorging too much of Amar's fantastic tandoori chicken with dhal and naan (with half the required amount of ghee - Lu threw it away when Amar wasn't looking. Way to go, Lu!)
As usual I crawled under my duvet while everyone was still chatting in my room after dinner and fell asleep... even after Alex's threats that I'd grow fat. Lionel woke me up at 1am, which was probably a good thing because I felt a horrible surge of indigestion just well up inside me.
After several toilet trips and detoxing tea and ENO... I think I've paid my price for gluttony and pure laziness. I'm kicking the sleep-eat-sleep routine.
Or at least I'll try...

Certain crazy caucasians outside my window are serenading me to sleep with Tenacious D's F*ck Her Gently. Not sure that should be the last thing on my mind before tomorrow's digital paper. Unless it's an omen of tomorrow's exam.

psst!

I'm not supposed to be here. I have another 4 more papers to go, which include the very horrific Circuits module.

I just got up from a lousy nap. Lousy because I couldn't really sleep. Too many things on my mind. The more I tried to push them out, the more other thoughts came rushing in to fill the vacuum.

I worry way too much. I'm worried I won't know how to answer a single circuits question on Monday. I'm worried we won't be able to find a venue to hold the Fresher's camp. I'm worried the camp won't be interesting enough, or they won't be interested in our ice breakers or listening to us talk about MNite or Imperial or London. I'm worried about whether the other committee members are as worried as me about the camp. I'm worried about how the video Chien Liq and Chris are going to produce will turn out. I'm worried about not being able to get enough funds for the camp. I'm worried logistics will be problematic. I'm worried we won't be able to bring back enough stuff to sell for the Pasar Malam. I'm worried about next year's housing and who's going to live with who. I'm worried I won't have enough time to sort everything out before going home.

And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

I don't really feel like joining the EBay craze just yet, but I'm trying to find a cheaper way to get the Jim Brickman Greatest Hits CD. I think I'll just pop by the Virgin megastore after exams if I can tahan till then. I can't believe no one has any of his songs on Sharescan!
By the way, Matt Redman is very inspirational.

I'm sorry.
I'm really bored.
And it's been 3 hours since my devastating Analogue exam.
Maybe I'll feel like studying again after this.

Name Four Bad Habits You Have

1. never brushing my hair
2. not exercising enough
3. eating... followed by sleeping... followed by eating again... followed by...
4. instinctively replying with "huh?" even though I did actually hear the question the first time

Name Four Things That You Wish You Had

1. a real brain
2. a real butt
3. a real heart
4. more wishes

Name Four Scents You Love:

1. food! any kind of food! the more garlicky or buttery or chocolate chippy.. the better!
2. people - after showers!
3. Body Shop Brazil nut body butter
4. lazy hazy rainy summer days

Name Three Things You'd Never Wear

1. stripey designs
2. A line skirts
3. those pumps with gigantic heels that could break an ankle

Name Four Things You Are Thinking Of Right Now:

1. I am thinking that I can't think of 4 things simultaneously

Name Four Things That You Have Done Today:

1. Woke up
2. tried to get out of bed
3. dropped alarm clock on the floor thinking "that should do it!"
4. got out of bed to pick up alarm clock which stubbornly refused to stop ringing

Name The Last Four Things You Have Bought Recently:

1. *rummages through hand bag for last week's Sainsbury's receipt*... here we are.. Item number one...

Name Four Drinks You Regularly Drink:

1. water (like a fish!)
2. green tea
3. nes-lo
4. milk (like a cow?)

First Grade Teacher's Name?
Mrs Loke! She still bakes cheesecakes for me when I come back for holidays. This is how much my teachers adore me *grin*... teacher's pet!

Last Words You Said:
(In reply to "So how was the Analogue paper?")
I AM SO SCREWED!!!!!!!!

Last Song You Sang?
Somewhere over the Rainbow

Last Person You Hugged?
Lionel! So so happy he's back from Bath! And I got presents! That deserves a double hug and kisses!

Last Thing You Laughed At?
I dunno... after the Analogue paper it surely seems like a long time since I laughed

Last Time You Cried?
In church

What's In Your CD Player?
It's bloody not working!!! It's decided that it doesn't like me

What Color Socks Are You Wearing?
Grey trainers

What's Under Your Bed?
Food!!! (all together: "DUH!!!"), shoes, sundries, luggage

What Time Did you Wake Up Today?
8am (you didn't ask what time I actually got OUT of bed)

Current Taste?
On the tip of my tongue I'd say green tea with too much honey!

Current Hair?
Too long! Badly in need of a cut and some good scolding and nagging on hair care from my all-time favourite hairdresser Shaun (who will never give up on persuading me to straighten my hair!)

Current Clothes?
T-shirt and tracks... It's comfy and baggy and messy and 'I'm tired of looking drop-dead-gorgeous since no one is looking' day for Charl...

Current Annoyance?
6 papers to go... SIX papers to go... did I mention how many papers I have left?? it's SIX!

Current Longing?
For freedom from this misery...

Current Desktop Picture?
Awfully cute photo of Lionel making a face at the cafe in Vienna (in retaliation to the awful photo of me making a face on his desktop previously)

Current Worry?
I failed Anologue... didn't I? Didn't I????

Current Hate?
That's tough. It's between myself and my procrastinating, lazy self and my 'where are your brains??' self.

Favorite Physical Feature Of the Opposite Sex?
Anything huggable!

Favorite Place To Be?
In my bed, under my duvet on a rainy day!

Least Favorite Place?
Anywhere within a 5 mile radius of an exam

Everyone's back from Brownsea! (Everyone being Lionel, and the not so random Linsteadians: Amar, Alex, Jacq, Vivian, Lu and Jing Ye and of course Jed who's almost a Linsteadian). I have new blue and purple wooden tulips! (So, someone thinks I need to be introduced to some new colours, huh?) My msn 'online' list looks more like it should. I am not lonely anymore! Everything is right with the world!

John Keats said "a thing of beauty is a joy forever" and because of that we have A Thousand Beautiful Things

whine

Everyone's on the Brownsea pilgramage road trip (everyone being Lionel and some other random Linsteadians), except me! Well ok, I wasn't the only one left behind. So were the rest of the EE engineers who have the joy of sitting for a paper on Monday. And it really shouldn't bother me so, because I should be mugging my brains out... but I'm lonely!!! Linstead is so strangely quiet! And eating dinner by myself on a Saturday night - I haven't done that since like... never! This is depressing. I should do more problem sheets to cheer myself up before I update Alex on the FA cup score and keep him in suspense for awhile...

I have an Analogue paper at 10am on Monday. I really should nail that to my wall in BIG BOLD red letters. I'm far too relaxed for my own good. And I don't know why I'm not freaking out yet. It's not that I'm any more familiar with analogue (which is now no longer a distant relative thrice removed but an unbearable in-law). I'd have to be (what's that word Sanjeev used? oh yes) a muppet to fail Analogue... but I do believe I might just be one!

I have to admit to a conspiracy regarding next year's group research projects. After struggling by myself to complete this year's design project (which is 10% of the year!!!) due to my two rather non-existent group mates (whom I honestly hope and pray pick up at least SOME programming skills before the end of the course or else become only PSEUDO Information System Engineers) I quickly made a pact with my new ISE buddies (who bully me like hell, but are at the very least competant programmers and interesting people) Kunal and Jeff, and well Sanjeev (because I pitied him) and my lab partner, Menaka (because I pitied her too) to form a project group for 2nd year. Much to my horror I discovered yesterday evening that one of my 'would-rather-sleep-than-go-to-labs' design group project mates had intruded into our little group without my consent. Sanjeev wasn't too happy about it either, so this morning as I dropped in the group project form I nonchalantly filled in only 5 names. It's probably mean. It probably means there will be a drifter who will be chucked into one of the smaller project groups. But I just CANNOT work with my group mates again. Not after what they did to me! Not when I almost single-handedly programmed an entire project meant to be handled by three people! Some days, you just have to guard your own ass.

I think some people are playing table football now. 1 AM is always foosball time in Linstead for us.

I think the engineering work has finally cracked me... or else I'm a programmer with a warped sense of humour...

{you know you've been programming too much when you end all your sentences with a semi-colon; and you enclose them in curly brackets without thinking twice;}

macro proc CodeToSummer(sunshine, flowers, &summerloving)
{
while(1)
{
do
{
hitch up those skirts
and in flimsy flip flops
or thongs
blatant on your feet
discretely beneath sheer clothes
run to lectures
past the wilting bluebells
forgotten in the bloom
of the red red roses
the daffodils have had their day
and now the tulips have come out to play
and the grass has never felt this great
as frisbees fly overhead
and the smell of barbecues
pulls me away from my books
} while (the sun is shining);
do
{
snuggle under my plump duvet
peek out at the falling raindrops
breathe in the fresh eau de summer
even in this faded English city
the sun never sets
undaunted by rainclouds
they don't get a chance
not in summer
just as my notes
don't stand a chance of being read
not in summer
as they flutter in the breeze
} while (summer rains are a pouring);
if (autumn should come) then
{perhaps it'll be time to take a break from this summer spell}
else
{i'll just enjoy this summer loving!}
}
}

Just felt the need to do something completely useless after spending the last 5 hours fruitfully studying. Analogue Electronics is now no longer foreign, but rather a distant relative, thrice removed.

Your High School(s): SMK (P) Sri Aman

1. nickname in high school? : Charl, Charly, Shallot, and every other possible permutation of my name. Girls in my high school were not very creative.

2. best subject? : Add Math or English Lit (Miles apart!)

5. worst subject? : Moral. Don't give me that knowing look!

6. a teacher you owe life lessons to? : Mrs Menon. You either hate her or love her. As for her Literature girls... we just worshipped the ground she walked on!

7. a teacher you wanna kick in the ass? : I actually adore most of my teachers. I'm a suck up!

8. Form 1: 1 Erat! Formed the "We hate Roslina Bagawi Club" with Maggie. (Oh! now I recall a teacher that I DID want to kick in the ass). Actually went through the rituals of donning the maroon prefects vest and tight skirt. Tormentous end of year watching both my best friends become bitter enemies.

9. Form 2 : 2 Damai! Class with 14 prefects, and forever at loggerheads with 2 Cekap. Form 2 was a rather strange year, embedded in a part of my brain I can never get rid off. Both my closest friends still steeped in pure venomous loathing of each other. Watched them attend counselling sessions which was as useful as crap. Trying to prevent another close friend from suicide attempts. Finding out that one of your close friends lives in a complete fantasy world (national swimmer? boyfriend died in a car accident? goes horse riding for recreation? oh, come on!). Getting caught by the Prefect teacher advisor for skipping classes and playing poker (and I STILL had my prefect badge then!). Form 2 was just emotionally exhausting. Scarred for life.

10. Form 3 year : 3 Fasih! Breathe of fresh air after form 2. Completely new and incredible group of friends who played the silliest games (even when we're 50 I think we'll still be playing the song game and our own version of monopoly! Jalan Ali Abdul Rahman... what the heck?), formed the Chaka-chaka club, made up weird songs about diarrhoea and fried kuay teow, co-founded the Single Women's Club with Maggie and Anu (which we banned Jilly and Ying eternally from), stepped into the Interact world and found God through CB and confirmation classes.

11. Form 4 year : 4 Sains Cekap! Notorious for containing the most POWER social groups in one small and swelteringly hot container classroom! Formed some very firm friendships. And those were the days when BBians suddenly become very much entangled in our lives - from which we probably learnt the best of life's lessons. A Sri Amanian should NEVER date a BBian! Volcano waiting to kill an entire village, that is! Took on the post of Interact VP. Many many ups and downs and tears and laughter and sweat and relief - but we achieved the incredible! So many other ridiculous memories we still laugh over at mamak sessions. Winning the zone Choral Speaking competition which I conducted leading to observations of my butt by afore-mentioned despicable BBians (well not that despicable, I still love some of you!). The much hyped hacking of our Interact website which was littered with pornography and a personal vendetta directed towards me. Forming the dynamic duo... turning out possibly the most ludicrous bitches Sri Aman ever saw. BRATs! And all my sisters in Christ in CB who kept me uplifted every single day. Wow... that was one hell of a year!

12. Form 5year : 5 Sains Bakti. Sat alone because I am really antisocial. Worked out for me because I got 2 desks to myself which had a rotation of visitors every other lesson! Busy, busy, busy year. Interact, Rangers gathering (I was the squeaky MC... I will admit that now!), CB problems and of course taking on the crazy attempt of 11 papers for SPM!

13. your best friends? : Stopped believing in best friends after form 1.

14. cafeteria food sucked? : I was too busy to spend time in the canteen.

15. most hilarious school rule? : I wouldn't know. I adore rules!

16. wore uniforms? : Yeah! My ever comfortable blue pinafore and baju kurung. And the maroon straight jacket for 2 years... I actually thought the prefects uniform looked good! Or else, I just looked good in it!

17. how was the prom? : Hah! snort! Sri Aman having a prom while Maharani was still pengetua (principal)? Fat chance. (As for RJ's prom, I still have my misgivings about it... but I got flowers, so I should shut up)

18. who was prom king and queen? : Some unimportant people. Unimportant because the ones I voted for didn't win!

19. any achievements? : You're kidding! Check out my CV...

20. were you popular? : In some notoriously bitchily strange ways...

21. best song that reminds you of high school? : Maju Penuntut Sri Aman, and R.Kelly's I believe I can fly... (not his version but Choo's version: I believe I can fry... char kway teow and yao char gwai...)

22. unforgettable high school crush?? ROFL!!! Everyone knows my most tragic high school romances, affairs, heart-crushing moments and what nots... they make for such entertaining stories now. Like I used to tell Maggie after every stupid incident "I was young then!" (even if 'then' referred to '2 months ago')

23. most embarrassing moment? : I embarrass myself ALL the time, it's become a norm.

24. memory you'd like to forget about high school? : Form 2... ALL of it!

25. best memory? : I don't know... personally, I enjoyed college more!

26. any regrets? : I shouldn't have gained a reputation for being heartless and mean

27. would you like your "future child" to attend your high school? : Yeah! I say a school like Sri Aman would do a kid some good!

28. were the bathrooms clean? : Yeah... once every second rising of a blue moon

Maybe mother was right
Another autumn comes by again
So fast
What happened last autumn?
I don't know
And raindrops
Look pretty from your window
But the lightning's killed me
Did it kill you too?
And I think I shouldn't
Shouldn't write these poems anymore
Shouldn't wonder why you never call
Shouldn't think of the loss
mine or yours?
And perhaps I should
Enjoy my bit of sunshine
And stop bringing
My own rainclouds with me

Hadn't been reading blogs in awhile, so caught up with the usual regulars.

The Rafflesians have been blogging about Move and Groove. And I'm sitting here as the London sun sets and thinking how I should never say never.

Like how when I first set foot in RJ, I said I'd never fit in here.
The day I signed up for Odac, I told myself I'd never be an active member.
And certains 'never's I told a certain geek
And when I left RJ, I said I'll miss the people, but I never thought I'd end up feeling sad over the thought of a building with just so many memories now being put to rest.

Do you know what I see when I think of RJ moving?
I see the sun setting over the track and the lights blink on, one by one in the specs gal. I see birds flying overhead to nest for the night as the echoes of Odacian voices and a basketball fade away and runners finish their last lap. I see the Odac room covered in a greyish hue, and the bean bag sits silently in its corner, the gel bottles have dried up and the immortalised words on the blackboard are wiped off. I see the few lingering councillors clear miscellaneous rubbish off the Council room patio, and behind it the ropes have come down from the rock wall and the gate is locked. And I see a bunch of 20 hungry, tired, sweaty (and probably stinky) Odacians leaving the Odac table in a delightful mess - which I'll never get to clear up - as they head to Ghim Moh for Johnson duck rice and a train noisily passes by for the last time...

Maybe it's time to pack away some memories in unlabelled cardboard boxes tied in sweet pink ribbons and let them set sail with the wind. Please stop haunting me...

Isn't my little sister just the sweetest! She wrote me a Friendster testimonial, albeit with lots of spelling mistakes and the most atrocious grammar. It's things like these that set us apart like chalk and cheese and it's almost an irony that we're carbon copies looks-wise.

The panic should be building up now. Yes, NOW! Less than 2 weeks to my first paper (analogue electronics which is as foreign to me as say, African studies!)

At the same time several people are turning 21 (and 19 in Lu's case). Just for their sakes, here are some shout outs that are due:

10th May : HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY MAGGIE!!!
Cheers to the dangerous scalpel wielding half of the dynamic duo!

11th May: HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY SOHA!!!
Who would have known that the first person I met at the fresher's reception would end up in the same hall as me, same department as me, and hang out in the same circle of friends as me! You owe us drinks, girl!

13th May: HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY LU!!! (in advance)
It's a pity you're still a minor. All the same: cheers to your last year of teenhood. Use it wisely! And NOT by absorbing all that alcohol!!!

My day's are being torn off swiftly like the pages of a calander. Maybe I should start a countdown too... as seems to be the culture swiftly taking over MSN nicks. 28 days to freedom. Panic rating 7/10. Nervous, Scared, Terrified! Never start really working till your nervousness has scared the hell out of you, and your scared self starts shaking with terror! *cough* that was pathetic...