EE in a closed loop

I think
I just disconnected myself
from reality
Life exists
in ' 1's and '0's
I draw myself
closer to infinity
in a locus
And stability is just a state
where oscillating dreams fade away
Press 1 to speak to an operator
(sum or product) chosen by an observability matrix
Press 0 to close the loop

sleep is overrated

sleep is overrated
studying is for nought
eye bags, long days
the price you pay
for knowledge so highly sought

yet no joy it brings
no use it yields
the glory fades too soon
no priceless things
no strawberry fields
no dancing on the moon




... another deep sigh, and Charlotte resumes where she left off - picking apart the Cramer Rao Lower Bound theorem.

Who is I?

It's like blogger- diarrhoea today. But I've been reading through loads of blogs, and then I come back and look at my blog, and wonder what it's all about.
Wonder if this is me.
Wonder how I would know this is me.
Wonder if I would know me, if I bumped into myself on a crowded High Street Kent.

Reading your own blog should be like staring into a mirror, and you'd better believe that I am my biggest fan. But there are those startling moments when you wonder who wrote those entries in the archives, and then the whole vicious cycle starts again.
Wonder if this is me
Wonder how I would know this is me.
Wonder if I would know me, if I passed myself by at the ticket turnstile at the Gloucestor Road tube.

And then it glares at me right in my face, that I am only Charlotte sometimes. I can be talking to three different people from the same group of friends, and I'd be three different people. Multiple personality disorder has probably been manifested in me since the day I woke up and realised different people want me to be different persons, all at the same time. And I wonder how I keep sane.
Wonder if this is me
Wonder how I would know this is me.
Wonder if I would know me, if I came up and talked to me on a sunny June day in Hyde Park

No... I would never do that. I don't talk to strangers

Just a year ago I wrote this:

macro proc CodeToSummer(sunshine, flowers, &summerloving)
{
while(1)
{
do
{
hitch up those skirts
and in flimsy flip flops
or thongs
blatant on your feet
discretely beneath sheer clothes
run to lectures
past the wilting bluebells
forgotten in the bloom
of the red red roses
the daffodils have had their day
and now the tulips have come out to play
and the grass has never felt this great
as frisbees fly overhead
and the smell of barbecues
pulls me away from my books
} while (the sun is shining);
do
{
snuggle under my plump duvet
peek out at the falling raindrops
breathe in the fresh eau de summer
even in this faded English city
the sun never sets
undaunted by rainclouds
they don't get a chance
not in summer
just as my notes
don't stand a chance of being read
not in summer
as they flutter in the breeze
} while (summer rains are a pouring);
if (autumn should come) then
{perhaps it'll be time to take a break from this summer spell}
else
{i'll just enjoy this summer loving!}
}
}

I could do with some of that summer right about now!
The weather this year is just too cold for its own good. You know it is when you still have to scamper around the house in search of warmer areas until you figure it's best to just snuggle under a duvet!

It snowed very prettily this morning
As I stepped out of my door
Blurry eyed at 8.45am
Hair uncombed
Clothes pulled on in haste
Reciting demodulation steps under my breath
Zero-crossing
Coherant demodulators
Minimum Shift Keying
M-nite at the back of my mind
Like a stubborn tumour

And then there was snow

Coating the cars in blankets
Frosting the walkways
Lightly dusting the bushes and grass
And even the stone lions guarding the Queen's tower
were given a delicate topping of icing sugar
And the continuous flakes falling out of the sky
Creating random white patterns

on my black black coat

and on my black black hair
and my black black bag
And tingled my senses
A few infidel flakes
Slithering down the white of my uncovered throat

Snow makes me feel poetic
I wonder why...

Maybe mother was right
Another autumn comes by again
So fast
What happened last autumn?
I don't know
And raindrops
Look pretty from your window
But the lightning's killed me
Did it kill you too?
And I think I shouldn't
Shouldn't write these poems anymore
Shouldn't wonder why you never call
Shouldn't think of the loss
mine or yours?
And perhaps I should
Enjoy my bit of sunshine
And stop bringing
My own rainclouds with me

2 am
and the swirls through the darkness of her mind

she's a little girl again
sweet smile
dark eyes
with dreams of dreams
of dreams

i used to read chicklit
and snigger
because i believed
(naively)
i'd never become one of them
women of the millenium
confused with what they want
with dreams of dreams
of dreams

and she has fears
little girl fears
which cloud her mind
and translate into tears
but she still
dreams of dreams
of dreams

and i'm afraid
of becoming bitter
before i'm properly
forty? thirty? twenty five?
because of
unfulfilled dreams of dreams
of dreams

she feels little
a little girl
in a world too big for her
but not for
her dreams of dreams
of dreams

**** 2 packets of Nescafe Mild 3 in 1 + 100ml of skimmed milk + 2 table spoons of honey + Norah Jones' latest album + blurring pages of a microelectronics textbook = 1 rambling mind. I have so much to tell you, but do you have the time to listen to me? **** I miss you so so so much! I still can't get you out of my system... and I'm wandering aimlessly... wondering if I still mean anything much to you. Or if I've been replaced... completely. There really is no place for me, is there? That's the part that just breaks my heart

It snowed today
Beautiful light feathery snow
All over Beit quad
Sugar coating MSoc first years
Giggling and screaming
Shouting and squeaking (that's me!)
"It's snowing! It's snowing!"
Aiming and flinging
Crisp, packed snowballs
at my back
on my head
down my blouse
Just my blouse
because I forgot to put my coat and gloves on
Walking back in the snow
Pointing at the frosted white cars
Shuffling through the fluffy white streets
Catching snowflakes on my tongue
Blinking at the skies
as more flakes appear out of no where
catching me unaware
And the cries of first years
Filling Princes Gardens
"It's snowing!! It's snowing!!"
Snowballs whizz by
over my head
behind my back
in my ear!! Ouch!!
Amar, Alex, Darren, Lu and Lionel on one side
Vivien, Val, Ee Wen, Trinh, Ruby and me on another
It's a warzone out there
No one even remembers its dinner time
Not when
"It's snowing!! It's snowing!!"

Some of the most wonderful poetry ever written, I read at the age of one. (Yes, I could read when I was one... my parents will tell that to anyone who will listen to more braggings about their first born... must have been quite a dissapointment when I didn't get into Cambridge). I think nursery rhymes are some of the best written works that very little credit is given to. The lovely imagery, the beautiful aliterations, the underlying political agenda (Baa baa black sheep is a classic!)... at the age of one I remembered being incredibly emotional over nursery rhymes. I always wanted to meet the fine lady upon a white horse at banbury cross with rings on her fingers and bells on her toes. I wanted a garden like Mary who was quite contrary. I was terrified of the crooked man who walked a crooked mile. And I always went to sleep thinking of Wynken, Blynken and Nod. I just came across a few of my favourites while I was thinking of Wynken, Blynken and Nod after boring myself to death with digital logic. Digital logic is SO unpoetic!

BAA, BAA, BLACK SHEEP
Baa, baa, black sheep,
Have you any wool?
Yes, marry, have I,
Three bags full;

One for my master,
One for my dame,
But none for the little boy
Who cries in the lane.

HICKETY, PICKETY, MY BLACK HEN
Hickety, pickety, my black hen,
She lays eggs for gentlemen;
Gentlemen come every day
To see what my black hen doth lay.

BOBBY SHAFTOE
Bobby Shaftoe’s gone to sea,
With silver buckles on his knee:
He’ll come back and marry me,
Pretty Bobby Shaftoe!
Bobby Shaftoe’s fat and fair,
Combing down his yellow hair;
He’s my love for evermore,
Pretty Bobby Shaftoe.
**I always imagined that Bobby Shaftoe drowned at sea thus giving this a sad ending. I think I was quite a sadistic child**

COME OUT TO PLAY
Girls and boys, come out to play,
The moon doth shine as bright as day;
Leave your supper, and leave your sleep,
And come with your playfellows into the street.
Come with a whoop, come with a call,
Come with a good will or not at all.
Up the ladder and down the wall,
A half-penny roll will serve us all.
You find milk, and I’ll find flour,
And we’ll have a pudding in half an hour.

COME TO THE WINDOW
Come to the window,
My baby, with me,
And look at the stars
That shine on the sea!
There are two little stars
That play bo-peep
With two little fish
Far down in the deep;
And two little frogs
Cry "Neap, neap, neap";
I see a dear baby
That should be asleep.

CURLY-LOCKS
Curly-locks, Curly-locks, wilt thou be mine?
Thou shalt not wash the dishes, nor yet feed the swine;
But sit on a cushion, and sew a fine seam,
And feed upon strawberries, sugar, and cream.
**I could dream forever that someone would propose that to me**

HUMPTY DUMPTY
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall;
All the King’s horses, and all the King’s men
Cannot put Humpty Dumpty together again.
**My dad once told me that Humpty Dumpty fell off the little ledge above the big drain out side my house. There was an oval piece of cardboard that was caught between some branches at the bottom of the drain, so I believed him... and went to pay my respects to poor Humpty Dumpty every evening**

HUSH-A-BYE
Hush-a-bye, baby, on the tree top!
When the wind blows the cradle will rock;
When the bough breaks the cradle will fall;
Down will come baby, bough, cradle and all.
**Nursery rhymes are sadistic... but I used to recite this one many times, hoping it'd end differently one day**

I HAD A LITTLE NUT TREE
I had a little nut tree,
Nothing would it bear,
But a silver nutmeg and a golden pear.
The King of Spain's daughter
Came to see me,
All because of my little nut tree.
I skipped over the water,
I danced over the sea,
And all the birds in the air couldn't catch me.

IF
If all the world were apple pie,
And all the sea were ink,
And all the trees were bread and cheese,
What should we have for drink?

LADYBIRD
Ladybird, ladybird, fly away home!
Your house is on fire, your children all gone,
All but one, and her name is Ann,
And she crept under the pudding pan
**I used to whisper to ladybirds to fly away home... just in case...**

LAVENDER BLUE
Lavender blue and rosemary green,
When I am king you shall be queen;
Call up my maids at four o'clock,
Some to the wheel and some to the rock;
Some to make hay and some to shear corn,
And you and I will keep the bed warm.
**cough cough! Wonder why...**

THE LION AND THE UNICORN
The Lion and the Unicorn were fighting for the crown,
The Lion beat the Unicorn all around the town.
Some gave them white bread, and some gave them brown,
Some gave them plum-cake, and sent them out of town.
**What a grand sight that must have been**

THE LITTLE GIRL WITH A CURL
There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead;
When she was good, she was very, very good,
And when she was bad she was horrid.
** I think my mum told me if I was naughty my hair would curl... hmm...**

LITTLE POLLY FLINDERS
Little Polly Flinders
Sat among the cinders
Warming her pretty little toes;
Her mother came and caught her,
Whipped her little daughter
For spoiling her nice new clothes.
** This one always reminds me of my mum...**

THE MAN IN THE WILDERNESS
The man in the wilderness
Asked me

How many strawberries
Grew in the sea.

I answered him
As I thought good,

As many as red herrings
Grew in the wood.

MARY, MARY, QUITE CONTRARY
Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
How does your garden grow?
Silver bells and cockle-shells,
And pretty maids all of a row.

OLD WOMAN, OLD WOMAN
There was an old woman tossed in a basket.
Seventeen times as high as the moon;
But where she was going no mortal could tell,
For under her arm she carried a broom.

“Old woman, old woman, old woman,” said I,
“Whither, oh whither, oh whither so high?”
“To sweep the cobwebs from the sky;
And I’ll be with you by-and-by

RIDE A COCK-HORSE
Ride a cock-horse to Banbury Cross,
To see a fine lady upon a white horse.
Rings on her fingers, and bells on her toes,
She shall have music wherever she goes.

THE ROBIN
The north wind doth blow,
And we shall have snow,
And what will poor robin do then,
Poor thing ?

He’ll sit in a barn,
And keep himself warm,
And hide his head under his wing,
Poor thing!

RUB-A-DUB-DUB
Rub-a-dub-dub
Three men in a tub,
And how do you think they got there?
The butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker,
They all jumped out of a rotten potato,
'Twas enough to make a man stare.

SIPPITY SUP
Sippity sup, sippity sup,
Bread and milk from a china cup.
Bread and milk from a bright silver spoon
Made of a piece of the bright silver moon.
Sippity sup, sippity sup,
Sippity, sippity sup

SIX LITTLE MICE
Six little mice sat down to spin;
Pussy passed by and she peeped in;
"What are you doing, my little men?"
"Weaving coats for gentlemen."
"Shall I come in and cut off your threads?"
"No, no, Mistress Pussy, you'd bite off our heads."
"Oh, no, I'll not; I'll help you to spin."
"That may be so, but you can't come in!"

THREE LITTLE KITTENS
Three little kittens,
They lost their mittens,
And they began to cry,
"Oh, mother dear, we sadly fear
Our mittens we have lost."

"What! Lost your mittens,
You silly kittens!
Then you shall have no pie.
Mee-ow, mee-ow, mee-ow.
No, you shall have no pie."

The three little kittens,
They found their mittens,
And they began to cry,
"Oh, mother dear, see here, see here,
Our mittens we have found."

"Put on your mittens,
You happy kittens,
And you shall have some pie,
Purr-r, purr-r, purr-r,
Oh, let us have some pie."

The three little kittens
Put on their mittens,
And soon ate up the pie;
"Oh, mother dear, we greatly fear
Our mittens we have soiled."

"What! Soiled your mittens,
You silly kittens!"
Then they began to sigh,
"Mee-ow, mee-ow, mee-ow."
Then they began to sigh.

The three little kittens,
They washed their mittens,
And hung them out to dry;
"Oh, mother dear , do you not hear
Our mittens we have washed?"

"What! Washed your mittens,
Then you're good kittens!
Now it's time for bed, bye-bye.
Purr-r, purr-r, purr-r,
It's time for bed, bye-bye."


**And last but not least... my all time favourite bedtime nursery rhyme...**

WINKEN, BLINKEN, AND NOD
Winken, Blinken, and Nod one night
Sailed off in a wooden shoe,
Sailed off on a river of crystal light,
Into a sea of dew.

"Where are you going, and what do you wish?"
The old moon asked the three.
"We have come to fish for the herring fish
That live in the beautiful sea;
Nets of silver and gold have we!"
Said Winken,
Blinken,
And Nod.

The old moon laughed and sang a song,
As they rocked in the wooden shoe,
And the wind that sped them all night long,
Ruffled the waves of dew.
The little stars were the herring fish
That lived in the beautiful sea.
"Now cast your nets wherever you wish—
Never afeard are we";
So cried the stars to the fisherman three:
Winken,
Blinken,
And Nod.

All night long their nets they threw
To the stars in the twinkling foam—
Then down from the skies came a wooden shoe
Bringing the fishermen home;
T'was all so pretty a sail it seemed
As if it could not be,
And some folks thought t'was a dream they'd dreamed
Of sailing that beautiful sea—
But I shall name you the fisherman three:
Winken,
Blinken,
And Nod.

Winken and Blinken are two little eyes,
And Nod is a little head,
And the wooden shoes that sailed the skies
Is the wee one's trundle-bed.
So shut your eyes while your mother sings
Of wonderful sights that be,
And you shall see the beautiful things
As you rock in the misty sea,
Where the old shoe rocked the fisherman three:
Winken,
Blinken,
And Nod.

Yesterday's lost post:


my kite

i once wished for a kite
that would be twice my height
to fly away fly away in the sky
and i'd ride on my bike
as i pull its tail tight
and we'd fly with the wind by and by
now here in this room
sits unavoidable gloom
watching a kite fly away fly away in my mind
with my eyes shut close
i'll see on the tip of my nose
my kite and my bike
on a windy ride
leaving me far away far away behind

~ "spluttered outbursts" said the bored trainee at work

[to be sung to the tune of 'I've been working on the railroad']

i've been working in the fact'ry line
only the whole damn day
i've been measuring little wires
there's gotta be a better way
this involves no innovation,
no techniques, skill, nor my brain
my mind is grad-u-ally rotting
i fear i'll go insane


** all rights reserved ** all critical comments too **

----------------------------------------

I'm currently absorbed in inspecting a hideous rash that has developed around my ring finger. Is there a possibility that I'm allergic to 925 silver? Or just rings that are too tight?

I found this poem while randomly surfing on my favourite subject : myself
It's part of a collection of poems from the movie Autumn Sometimes directed by John Macaulay. You can find out more about it here


Charlotte Sometimes Part 1 & 2


(Part1)

Some times she is beautiful

Like a flower in the rain

Sometimes she is vulnerable

As she hides herself in shame

Sometimes she’s angelic

When she whispers through the room

Sometimes she does not realize

How she makes my heart swoon

Sometimes

Sometimes

And I want to be her savior

Her true and only love

I want to heal her bleeding heart

I want to watch the sunset

And hold he till the ‘morn

I want to be forever to her

And never to the world

But I have to settle for sometimes


(Part 2)

Sometimes flowers die returning to the earth

Sometimes mothers cry at their newborn baby’s birth

Sometimes love is fleeting

Like the autumn leaves that turn

Sometimes a candle may go out

Though a fire still may burn

Some times I sit in solitude

And curse the sky above

Sometimes I cry a tear of joy

When I think about our love

Sometime

Sometimes

Forever was to permanent

For an angel such as you

So I will savor every moment

That I got to share with you

Sometime

Sometimes

Sometimes I lay awake at night

And the wind sounds like you

Whispering to me in words

That say I miss you too

Sometimes love may come and go

But true love still remains

These times I realize your still here

To help me through this pain

Sometime

Sometimes

Some times I have to thank you

For opening eyes once blind

Sometimes I feel you are with me now

My savior Charlotte

Sometimes…



When I catch a glimpse of her

Sometime

Sometimes

Sometimes I dream at night

That we have kissed a thousand times

Sometimes when I see her

I feel my heart go blind

Sometimes I wish she’d hear my words

And hang on every line

But for now I am only me alone

And she is only Charlotte sometimes

I have this nagging feeling I've forgotten alot of birthdays this month. If this concerns you, please know that it really wasn't intentional at all! I don't loathe you, despise you, or wish you were completely out of my life... I just forgot to check my birthday diary.

Harry Potter and The Order of The Pheonix will be out tomorrow. I'm getting the heeby jeebies. But I promise I won't be queueing at Kinokuniya at 6am.

Have I ever told you
How much I love waking up
To gently parting raindrops
And the sound of lulling winds
As nobody can be heard
But a background of steady breathing
Reassures me that the world
Is so near
Just so near to me
I could fall back
Into dreamland once again

?????I dunno what to blog today?????

I finally bought Tony Parson's Man and Wife because it went from RM42.90 to RM33.90 and is now in smaller print. I hope it's like the first book. Please let it be like the first book! I also bought Everything is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer. I bought it because the cover is so funky! (and also because it was the winner of the Guardian First Book award 2002, but mainly because the cover is so FUNKY!).

Twilight
If I could catch it
On the tip of my tongue
Let its soft lullaby
Veil my soul
Change this darkness
Into rainbows
Forget that the road ends in reality
Just tread quietly
Behind the ghost of a dream
Pretend for now my world exists
In this fairy tale land
And no cold water
Dripping down my back
Could unlock the gates
To this fantasy

I'm obsessed with twilight. I used to think it was the witching hour because it seemed a more magical time than midnight. I mean, midnight is no different from 10pm or 2am... but twilight is a myriad of colours and has a partial eerie quality when daylight turns into darkness.

It's 10:30 am and I'm sitting in front of my comp, still in my nightie trying to figure out how much energy it will take for me to haul my entire self into the shower. I haven't even thought of breakfast yet. To make tuna pate or not to make tuna pate? My mum will balk at the amount of cream cheese I put into it and proceed to haul me to the gym to work it off. I just don't get how mum expects me to survive on greens and low fat stuff for the rest of my life. Anything with carbohydrates is EVIIIIIIL! She makes me take the rice out of sushi and the glutinous rice out of... erm... jung (glutinous rice). She nags at me when I butter my potatoes. She glares if I even reach for the ice cream tub in the fridge. And she prophecises that if I don't stop snacking I'm going to look like my aunties.
Ok THAT prophecy IS scary, because as much as I love my 7 aunties, I really truly fear looking like an oversized dumpling.
But when I think about it again, it IS due to my mum that I have the strangest of eating habits. Like how I completely avoid chocolate in any form (bars, cakes, M&Ms, ice cream, brownies!) because mum just never gave me chocs when I was a kid (and I really think the taste is revolting!). And it is because of mum that I have no fondness for sweet things, that I hate eating mee or anything in noodle form, that I have a strange love for milk and eggs and mushrooms and celery and seafood!
My brother thinks I'm very weird. But that's because he eats everything. Including the food off my plate. I always knew there was something wrong when people said I was such a skinny child and my brother was a roly poly pig!
I'm blathering... I don't even know if that's a real word...



Twilight

It was a twilight evening
When the sky spun rosy hues
I lost my soul down the woodland path
To the seductive lure of my view
The sweet scent of grass tranquillised me
The faint glow of light mesmerised
My mind swept away by the winds lullaby
Traded my soul for that beauteous prize
And as the sky melted into darkness
My soul danced a waltz with the breeze
Exhilaration permitted perchance a journey
Of an insight to the world of dreams
And as I drew near the end of the path
With reality waiting at its foot
I sighed as my soul remained trapped inside
Twilight’s timeless youth

When I was in Eton Hall, I always returned to my hostel around sunset. And for all that Eton Hall was the hostel of horror, the surrounding landscape was just mesmerising! You have to see it to believe such a place exists... like a land spun out of a fairy tale, from the lush green valleys that we traversed across when we had nothing to do to the quaint houses we would walk past wondering who lived inside them, and the houses we thought were haunted, the confusing roads we'd try to figure out, the deserted hospital which let our imaginations run as to why it was deserted, Eton Hall really was a beautiful place.

I forgot to put a poem... I'm getting old...

I think if I live
In this life
I just don’t want to know
What’s going on
Beyond my rose coloured window
Close my eyes to what
Is going on
In the dark shadows
Of the Devil’s cloak
I don’t want it
To tug at my heart
Not with my hands bound
Behind my back
And I can’t reach out to touch no one

Since some obnoxious person DEMANDS that I blog... so here, I shall blog!
*pigs shake their heads in dissapointment... tsk tsk tsk*

Been AOL for the past few days because after my Econs paper 3 ended on Friday the 13th, my brain took no pay leave and I've been drifting around in blissful idiocy ever since. Here's a brief run through of what I've been up to (be thankful it has nothing to do with you!)
1. Went shopping in KL, got caught in rain, mum freaked out because was afraid we'd get caught in a flood, drove home in F1 style (mum drove, thank goodness!), arrived home to find PJ all sun-shiny!
2. Started on Colleen McCollough's Thornbirds. Cannot put it down! Explains blogging absence.
3. Nearly had to watch What a Girl Wants with sister. Think Amanda Bynes is a better actress than Hilary Duff, but still watch Lizzie Mcguire anyhow.
4. Listened to my father talk about the horrors of May 13, 1969 and how he cheated death by ponteng-ing the last class of the day, and cycling through Chow Kit road back to my aunty's house only to hear upon his arrival that 20 people had been killed in the massacre along Chow Kit.
5. Cooked dinner for my daddy, who thankfully had the sense to ponteng classes at the right time so I could be here today! And who also is a terrible liar because he said my Caesar salad was very good. It couldn't be! I totally did not follow the recipe and invented my own along the way!
Happy Father's Day, Daddy!

I
Boredom
Mind piercing
Agonising
Boredom

II
A pencil in my hand
Wields chasing dreams in my head
On to paper, things unsaid

III
Boredom
A template for imagination
The virgin of dreams being formed into reality
It’s all crap
I’m just plain bored

I had Mohammed Haji Salleh in mind when I wrote this. Remember Rain? In retrospect, I did like the poem... and when it rains I often think of threads from heaven, babies in cradles, and fathers turning their backs on the world in slumber.
Oh and I tend to write ALOT of poems about boredom... especially when I'm bored! It's ironic!

I have a wish
That purple clouds
And jewel crusted stars
Would always exist
Knowing I’ve come this far
I’m stirring storms
Walking on fire
And yet I’d do it all again
If sleeping on thorns
Flying much higher
I can’t feel the pain
And I’d keep on going
Course there’s a savage beauty out there
And joy won’t taste
So sweet without the bitterness

Plain ramblings... I was drunk or similar...

Boredom inflicts
The night skyline
With its enticing spectrum
Of puffy sunsets
And seduces me
In whispers to leave my desk
And haunt nigh for life!

I bounced out of bed at 7 am this morning after going to sleep at 2am last night. Monday mornings are gym mornings where my mum drags me to the gym to try and eradicate the fat in my thighs which she claims have become even fatter since I skipped last Monday's workout. Where does she get her bionic eyesight from that somehow notices diameter changes in my thighs, because I obviously never inherited it from her!

So I was doing squats (which I believe are terrible for my knees but my mum says its a sure fire way for obtaining cameron diaz type legs... ever noticed how sure fire ways never work, mum?) when this lady in her 50s called Aunty Sarah pushes her amazing rings of spare tyres through the doors of the gym and nearly blinds me with her psychedelic gym outfit. I swear there should be a ban on people displaying oozing fat beneath purple tank tops, white tights, shocking pink socks and a turquoise scarf (SCARF??? Who wears scarves in a gym???). As I was reaching squat number 15, Aunty Sarah approached me and loudly proclaims: xiao mei, ni si huan F4, dui bu dui? na, wo gei ni zhe ge F4 tissue packet... ni kan, piao liang ma? ni si huan na ge? (translates as: little girl, you like F4 right? nah, i give you this F4 tissue packet... you see, beautiful or not? which one do you like?)... I didn't know whether to laugh or cringe, but I hear you can die slowly from suffocation if anyone more than twice your weight sits on you... so I decided to smile and accept the tissue packet. For that, she also tossed in a photo of one of those F4 gays free of charge. I'm beginning to rethink whether going to the gym is a good thing or not...

After giving up on eradicating fat, I went down to the library and picked up the latest issue of Cleo. Oh, look, Cleo's Most Eligible bachelor has been announced. Turns to page. AAAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!!! It's one of my dentists!!! No way! No WAY! And... ew! He's definitely NOT photogenic! He looks so much better in real life!

And to cap off the day, I spent the afternoon and evening with Sugi and the ensemble of Sachpal, Jere and Prashant. Laugh, people, laugh! I think I am certifiably completely numb to guys and their derogatory comments. Bbians will be bbians will be bbians.

*Pigs wave at no one in particular... no one in particular... parallel or perpendicular...*

Old friend,
Did time ever tell you
Our paths would one day intertwine
And we’d step in line
In this valley of sunshine
Between mountains of gloom
If you could look into
The looking glass
Would you have known
You’d find someone
Just like you
On the other side
Waiting and wishing
For a heart that would listen
And a smile that won’t fade
Did I just only meet you?
Time must have several dimensions
Because I’m sure I’ve known you
All along…