The lure of the snow is just too great... I ponned 2 lectures to walk in Hyde Park with Lionel and Alex to see simple things like grass covered snow, pigeons roosting on snow covered bushes, snowmen and other snow creatures, ducks paddling hard against the Serpentine current... but it was certainly 2 hours well spent!

psst... New Photos!!!

It snowed today
Beautiful light feathery snow
All over Beit quad
Sugar coating MSoc first years
Giggling and screaming
Shouting and squeaking (that's me!)
"It's snowing! It's snowing!"
Aiming and flinging
Crisp, packed snowballs
at my back
on my head
down my blouse
Just my blouse
because I forgot to put my coat and gloves on
Walking back in the snow
Pointing at the frosted white cars
Shuffling through the fluffy white streets
Catching snowflakes on my tongue
Blinking at the skies
as more flakes appear out of no where
catching me unaware
And the cries of first years
Filling Princes Gardens
"It's snowing!! It's snowing!!"
Snowballs whizz by
over my head
behind my back
in my ear!! Ouch!!
Amar, Alex, Darren, Lu and Lionel on one side
Vivien, Val, Ee Wen, Trinh, Ruby and me on another
It's a warzone out there
No one even remembers its dinner time
Not when
"It's snowing!! It's snowing!!"

of El Nino and lightning - like all things spanish, it is dangerous

and wouldn't I love to hand in my lab reports like this

Priorities!!!

My math homework, due tomorrow, is protesting... but here I am surfing for places to visit for a weekend day trip (Lake District? Stonehenge? Bath? Dublin?)
Perhaps I should have been eating my lunch today... but instead I was waiting in the STA travel office with Lionel, Alex and Darren trying to plan an all too expensive weekend to see the Venice Carnival and fulfil what I thought could only be a dream (245 quid?? maybe next year...)
And maybe I have 2 weeks of Delphi GUI programming which I really want to do... but it's all too easy to get caught up in planning our Easter holiday trip (Vienna - Switzerland - Germany - Copenhagen!!! This is the beauty of studying in Europe!)

Back to work! Back to work! Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work we go...

Tube tickets to Leicester Square and back - 3 pounds
Jacket potato lunch - 2.60 pounds
Lebanese dinner - 10 pounds
Ben & Jerry's ice cream - 1.60 pounds
8 hours of pure fun spent with you guys (watching fire crackers in Leicester Square, moving along with the human traffic jam to Trafalgar, watching football at the Jacket potato stall in Covent Garden, allowing me to revisit my childhood by bringing me to the doll house shop, bullying my red balloon, not going to McDonalds, staring into the candle light watching Darren's 'skin' melt in the wax while Amar and Soha get high on shishah, sharing our Ben & Jerry's outside in 5 degrees weather...) - priceless!!!

time spent not getting any work done... we'll probably be in debt for the entire term.
next weekend we're locking ourselves in and surviving on bread and butter!

And so it's already lin chor sum (third day of CNY), and we're still in the festive mood. Our large appetites and constant cravings for Chinese food are definite signs. The angpows are still hanging on my door and my lovely little paper fire crackers with the word fook(luck) written on it is still perched on the edge of my shelves. When I get the little blinking red lantern lights back from Trinh, they will go above my windows so that my room will probably look like Geylang from the outside...

My sleep cycle which had been tuned back to normal is now once again wrecked. Beginning with Tuesday night's 12 till 3am chit-chat (I had 5 hours of sleep and you slept till noon!!! Next time we decide to hold early morning conversations can we NOT have it before my 9am classes!!). Then preparing for the new year's eve steamboat - 2 hours in the kitchen chopping meat and deboning chicken drumsticks!! Followed by a dinner that lasted late into the night, watching everyone get drunk. Then the Chinese New Year party at the bar. I have never organised a bar party before, and even Xinyi couldn't imagine me doing it... but I did! And it was surprisingly successful! Never had this much fun at the bar before. Then there was the Malaysian Soc. CNY dinner on the 2nd day at Chuen Cheng Ku... the company made up for the tasteless food... and then back to Linstead to find everyone playing mahjong. The temptation was just too much. Found ourselves (or rather just me, alex, lionel and lu) playing till 5am in the morning (we planned to stop at 4am, then as I started losing drastically we planned to stop when I'd become bankrupt, after which I started to win miraculously, then we planned to stop when I reached 50 dollars or it reached 5am... which ever was sooner). Today, after very few hours of sleep, I proceeded to go for bhangra dance practices, skived Chinese dance practice, and went to Portobello Market where we found lychees for 1 pound per pound! We then walked an amazingly long way to Nahar for dinner (teh tarik!!!) and then returned to Linstead to find everyone watching Once Upon a Time in China. Proceeded to finish off ALL the lychees rather quickly... and then started to plan for Easter holidays. It's not easy to plan a holiday for more than 10 people... in fact it's impossible. Finally decided on Austria, Switzerland and Germany... while the rest who want to shop will probably go to Italy and Paris. By the time we'd decided it was way past midnight. And now I'm so stoned that this entry isn't even interesting... apologies!

when I am no longer severely suffering from sleep deprivation I *may* blog about Chinese New Year... that may only occur sometime next week... when I stop playing mahjong till 5am in the morning

Gong Xi Fa Cai, Xin Nian Kuai Le, Wan Shi Ru Yi...

Yesterday- 20 Malaysians and Singaporeans, 2 tables filled with meat balls, crab sticks, salmon, beef, chicken, pork, bee hoon, seaweed, prawns, tom yam and 5 rice cookers, 1 bottle of pimms, 1 bottle of wine, 1 bottle of rum and 1 bottle of absolut vodka... one Happy new year!

Chinese celebrations must be one of the funnest (ignore the grammar) ever! Or maybe in my case, anything that involves food and eating is always fun. But its only when you're a thousand miles from home do you actually pay attention to the details and traditions. The distance makes you stop grumbling about having to cook and clean and wear red. Forgotten lantern making skills are brought out and dusted. Traditional recipes are remembered even though not too particularly well prepared. I strangely feel a deep sense of Chinese-ness in this foreign land and I'm eager to share it with the ang mohs!

Eager enough to actually plan a bar party... although I fear horribly that everything will go wrong. The decorations will look loud and gawdy. The food will be weird. And the music... erm... well, seeing that it's not Chinese opera music I suppose it'll be bearable. And the ang moh's will ask "Why aren't there any red flags and pictures of Mao Tse Dong?"

...

Just don't get drunk tonight, guys! Please! Last night was bad enough with 2 people extremely wasted and a few more slightly off the edge...

... also realise I have not lost my 'mothering' ways and cannot sit still and let things be a mess but feel a terrible sense of urgency to always clean up, even when everyone is having fun. I swear I'm happy to do it... don't look at me as if i'm so ke lian.

ps: The Blogouts are on annual holiday... for Charme's witty sake, you can leave your comments in my Guestbook. I'll try to get a temporary commentor up soon... ok not so soon, probably after Chinese New Year...

I'm suffering from jiwang-ity... I've been singing this song incessantly... I think I no longer live in the real world

Jika dunia
Aku yang punya
Akan ku dirikan
Sebuah syurga
Malam tanpa siang
Untuk ku bermimpi

Sepanjang masa
Tanpa kecewa
Bertemankan bintang yang setia
Bagaikan puteri
Kisah khayalan
Yang hidupnya suci dan sempurna

oh...Tapi sayang
Hanyalah impian
Bulan tak bisa tumbuh ditaman
Dan bila mentari datang
Pulanglah segala kenyataan

Jika dunia
Aku yang punya
Akan kuhiaskan
Sepasang sayap
Putih dan berseri
Untukku kemudi

Sepanjang masa
Tanpa kecewa
Bertemankan bintang yang setia
Bagaikan puteri
Kisah khayalan
Yang hidupnya suci dan sempurna

oh...Tapi sayang
Hanyalah impian
Bulan tak bisa tumbuh ditaman
Dan bila mentari datang
Pulanglah segala kenyataan

I realise I'm living in the University student's real world when:

I find myself eating cereal for lunch... because I haven't had time to buy proper lunch from Sainbury's (proper lunch meaning 8 min microwaveable pasta and soups)

I stop believing in lab demonstrators... as much as I have stopped believing in the tooth fairy. They demonstrate nothing apart from their great skill at giving a very different explanation from the next lab demonstrator. (I also believe one of the computing lab demonstrators is gay. He is bald, well toned and tells me things like, "Oh dear, I really can't fathom why this isn't working. Sorry, my dear" and blinks his enviously long eyelashes. I really should ask him what scent he's wearing. It's really quite snazzy yet floral.)

I stay awake in Communications lectures because Professor Pier Luigi Dracotti cracks me up everytime he says, "Letta me-a give you a flower of-a information" or "The Fourier transforms-a, yah? They are your-re bestest friend!" and not because periodic waves are in any way exciting.

The adrenaline to finish a coursework only kicks in the night before the deadline.

Taking naps are the only form of sleep I get.

Relaxing means watching an episode of Friends, Scrubs, Southpark or Family Guy.

Swear words have no more essence. They are just means of describing the latest coursework, assignment, tutorial or lecturer.

When all forms of electronic devices have personal vendetta's against you and not only do not work when you have a deadline... but just NEVER work at all!

I'm purging my room of... stuff...
I'm putting everything into a box labelled "Things to forget... but not quite". It's not going to be an easy task... it's not going to be quick and painless... everytime I think I'm done, there's still a little bit more... at every corner, nook and cranny. There's always abit more.

Mind over matter... matter in this case being my unruly sleep cycle. Trying to force myself to stay awake past 9pm by watching Legally Blonde 2 (very puzzling plot, but as I said "the pinkness makes up for everything!"), then my first episode of South Park (limited animation somehow manages to provoke unlimited laughter!), Family Guy (ah... just screwed! bwahahahahahahaha) and Friends (season 8? only??? I'm sooo behind!!). My mind and body both finally gave way after 1:30am.
And now my body is acting like a reluctant kid who doesn't want to go to school. Dance practice at 10am. "Noooooooo!!! I can't dance! I don't want to dance! Dance is NOT my thing! Singing is my thing, not dancing! Acting is my thing, not dancing! Particularly not traditional dancing!!! But no one actually recognises that, do they? It's just - dump Charlotte in dance, because she's nice and doesn't complain much... singing? acting? sorry, that's for those who are chummy with us". Without trying to sound like a snob... I actually *cringed* when I listened in on the acting rehearsals. I'm sorry... but I'm an IC DramaSoc member. I've seen some of the best rehearsals, directing, actors and scripts right here in IC. And I know bad acting when I see it. So tell me why I didn't make the part again?
Nevermind, just shut up. Go practise your bhangra with Ayish (who's such a lovely person... and as we said, we'll run it the way WE want to next year). And then smile patiently when you have to imitate the all too flexible Chinese dancers, knowing damn well you'd rather be holding a guitar and singing "You Were Meant for Me".
It's possibly your own fault too. No one gets anywhere by being modest and suppressing your own talent or saying "yeah, she's really good... I think she's better than me". You get more things in this world by grabbing people by the collar and saying "shut up, listen and watch me! I'm bloody good at this!". *sniffle* I AM good... I'm just too shy to say so in real life!

*** later edit***
Back from dance practice!
I love bhangra! I do! Maahi ve *boom boom boom* maahi ve...
Think I'm also putting my head under the knife by auditioning for Absent Friends and A Little Hotel on the Side, both of which coincide with Malaysian Nite. Priorities... where are my priorities???

Why won't it snow in London? Then I won't have to resort to making my own snowflakes!

Weather check: Max - 8 deg, Min - 2 deg, Wind speed - 13 (Imagine's self blown away on umbrella ala Mary Poppins)

My brother has been sending me birthday cards saying Happy 21st Birthday... blah blah blah... you're finally legal... blah blah blah... it's time to move out of the house!

Really... if you want my room just say so!

appeared in my inbox:

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going
along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about
yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling
insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get
scared because you barely know where you are now.


You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you
thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have
ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most
important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing
that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they
are as confused as you.


You look at your job...and it is not even close
to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a
job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and
that scares you.


Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing
and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize
that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding
things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One
minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.


You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel
alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try
and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past
is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where
you are or move forward. You get your heart broken and wonder how
someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder
why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know
better.


Or maybe you Love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you
are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person.


One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting
wasted and acting like an idiot doesn't seem as fun. You go through the
same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends
about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You
worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and
while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to
be a contender!


What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to
it.
We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard
as we can to figure this whole thing out.


Send this to your twenty-something friends...maybe it will help
someone feel like they aren't alone in their state of confusion........
"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments
that take our breath away."


It's really amazing when two strangers become the best of friends,
but
It is really sad when the best of friends become two strangers.

Listening to Tori Amos can be quite poignant, especially past 1am in the morning - when the rest of the world is sleeping and I'm sitting by the light of my desklamp writing up my lab report, pulling my cardigan closer, not daring to look into the darkness of my room, trying to ignore the beckoning of my warm bed, telling my rumbling stomach to shush, and all the while Tori is crooning into my ear... and I tell myself, I've got to make you listen to this:

... she's been everybody else's girl, maybe one day she'll be her own...
... i've been looking for a saviour in these dirty streets... looking for a saviour beneath these dirty sheets...
... excuse me but can i be you for awhile?...
... when you gonna make up your mind? when you gonna love you as much as i do?...
... in your eyes i saw a future together, you just look away in the distance...
... green limousine for the redhead dancing, dancing girl...
... sombody leave the light on, just in case i like the dancing, i can remember where i come from...

I'm not saying anything. I'm glad for your company. Really I am. Especially on late nights like these.

Movies I'm just dying to see in no particular order:

Mona Lisa Smile
Something's Gotta Give
Big Fish
Peter Pan

Anyone coming over from Malaysia??? I'm dying for our very own local brand of VCDs! Pirated of course!

Sometimes I wonder that journalists are just trying to fill up newspaper space...

Read in The Star today:

"This is the first arrest of a suspected JI (Jemaah Islamiah) man this year"

But the year is only 13 days old... unless Malaysia makes it a habit of arresting JI members weekly.

My sleep cycle is totally wrecked. My sleep diary over the last 2 days would go something like this:

Sunday
8:00am - Wake up, all bright and cheery, find out I've no breakfast, not so bright and cheery, go to Church, go to Sainsbury's, go back to Linstead, get started on ARM coding, go me! *yawn* feeling sleepy
1:00pm - Think I'll take a short snooze
2:00pm - Aaahh... That was just what I needed- ooh Val's sent me a URL... some words pop up on my screen, try to blink the sleep out of my eyes, a part-time exorcist actor look alike pops up on my scream accompanied by bloodcurdling scream!!! AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Shut all windows, jump back into bed, pull covers over head.
2:30pm - Still shaking, damn you Val!, but hungry. Obviously cannot stay in bed like this all day. Carefully extract myself from bed and check for ghostly ghouly images on laptop. Phew... all gone. Make some soup and garlic bread. Think I'll do my ARM coding while eating lunch. *knock knock* Ruba wants to know if she can use my mirror. Will just chat with Ruba for awhile since haven't seen her in a long time... since yesterday
4:30pm - Starting to feel light headed, but Ruba is still talking. Not very sure what she's been saying over the last half hour really. Excuse myself as feel like a nap is much needed
5:30pm - Rich knocks on my door. "Need help with the ARM coding?" "Hrrm? No... sleeping... go away"
6:00pm - Salman knocks on my door "Helooo?" "Bffwhat??" "Lazy pig..." "Snore..."
6:30pm - Wake up and see msn message blinking. Lionel : wakey wakey! Restrain impulse to say 'damn you!'. Good thing did not say 'damn you!' as Lionel seems to be only unselfish person in the whole hall who has not already cooked and eaten dinner without me (of course this is besides the fact that Lionel cannot cook!!). Manage to concoct some dinner from my spaghetti and pasta sauce and Lionel's suspicious looking mushrooms (display date was 9 days ago!) and French cheese.
9:00pm - Mmm... dinner not too bad. Tummy very satisfied. *yawn* bed looks very inviting. Oh well... cannot possibly code if sleepy.
11:00pm - Wtf? Tumble out of bed for 3rd? 4th? time today. Look despairingly at code. Lionel says: You were sleeping rite? *sheepishly* yeah... Lionel says triumphantly: I knew it!!! , complain to Amar about Lionel's expiring mushrooms giving me nightmares.
Monday
2:00am - Haven't felt this wide awake in awhile. But must get some sleep... early morning classes...
2:30am - Toss and turn in bed. Who ever thought trying to go to sleep would be this difficult?
8:00am - Spring out of bed, make some toast and eggs and head off for first lecture
4:00pm - I can't believe I didn't fall asleep in a single class today! It's a miracle! *yawn* think nap is in order
6:00pm - Ruby and Cheryl knock on my door. "I'm sleeping!!!". "But it's dinner time Char!". "WTF???? already??"
8:00pm - Dinner seemed abit hazy. ARM code looks hazy. Bed is the only thing not hazy.
11:00pm - Why's everything so dark? Look at clock. Curse! Swear! Jump out of bed and attempt to code in frenzy. Lionel smirks: You were sleeping again rite?. Where can I find friends who won't find me so predictable?
Tuesday
2:00am - Half of code is working! Yay! But need to stop sleeping like this! Oh what the heck. Maybe just until the end of this week...

My 21st birthday party photos are up. I just have one thing to say: I LOVE my dress!! I really do!!!

I'll think of more constructive things to say after I've eaten something

At the current time:

1 Malaysian Ringgit = 0.14231 British Pound or 1 British Pound (GBP) = 7.02707 Malaysian Ringgit (MYR)

This is highly depressing. Maybe I should go shopping at Sainsbury's to cheer myself up. *Ouch*!

How many people can say they've celebrated their 21st birthday for 32 hours?
I think I qualify.

From 12am Malaysian time till 12am London time I have been celebrating the legalisation of my adulthood (although 13 hours were spent on a plane, enduring a very bumpy ride... heck, who am I kidding? I kinda like turbulences! It's like a super long theme park ride). ]

And so, I'm 21. Everyone's been reminding me that I'm legal to do so many things... of which the only one I'm looking forward to is voting and not losing the chance to be tried in a juvenile court.

I also love the immunity my birthday gives me... like not having to do the washing up...and the indulgent nature it brings out in people... like being offered 5g of Berthoud Cheese because I asked nicely... and the sudden surprises it springs on me... like the fire alarm going of 3 times in 1 hour shortly after my return.

It's been a great 21st. Thank you everybody!!!

Today is Sachpal's turn to step into the adult realm. Happy 21st Bhai!!! You may be spending your birthday getting laid in Hawaii, but we love you all the same! *grin*

I said goodbye to my Nokia 3310 today. We've been through thick and thin and it's never failed me. From the rains of Ophir to the cold of Mt. Kinabalu and the salt waters of Ubin... it has amazingly survived. But now it is time for us to part. I took a last flick through the menu... browsing through my favourite profiles (HunnyBunny, X Angel, Smile, Giggle and Laugh), my favourite pictures (the Raffles Odac Logo, my teddy bear, the kissing heads...), my game high scores (Luke's amazing 3051 snake high score which i still can't beat)... there's just so much of myself in my old phone that I just can't help but feel emotional about discarding it. My new Nokia 3100 (I'm a Nokia fan... so sue me!) is like a brat! Sure it's small and funky and coloured... but it still needs some toilet training before I become attached to it. It has so much to learn about me.

Last night I went through all my photo albums, trying to pick out photos to bring back to London with me. When I left in October, I arrogantly thought I could do without my photos and that the digital ones in my laptop would suffice... but I didn't know how empty and cold the walls of my room could feel without that little personal touch of home and the familiar faces of friends. A voice in my head has been nagging at me for taking friendships for granted and thinking that the memories in my head alone can keep me sane.

But photos say something. That maybe there will not be a future, but at least... at the very least... there was a past.

And as I flipped through the pages of my album, silly, funny and long forgotten thoughts came back to me...
like the first Ubin cycling where Luke, HX, Greg and Kin were balancing precariously in some formation and I grumbled about being the only girl...
like when we reached the summit of Ophir and left Kin down at basecamp with Miss Elaine and running down the mountain in the rain...
like Odac's rain God...
like our kayaking expedition and the jelly fish at the frog island
like YEC camp and the XVII candles
like stairclimbing at Bukit Timah hill and then arguing about BTC during the batch meeting
like the guys choosing to dress in gay red for the J1's inaug
like the scandolous Kinabalu expedition when Shan was flirting with me and Greg with Mel... to annoy the hell out of Ms Lim and Mr. Shah
like arguing with Greg halfway towards Laban Rata (I don't actually remember why)
like singing the Odac song at the summit of Kinabalu
like leaving Greg's huge bouquet in the room during prom and making him miffed
like midnight snacks with Charme and Sherene and pissing off the PRCs in the study room
like leaving our books to watch Friends on Mondays and Restless on Tuesdays without fail
like watching Charme play edelweiss on the guitar in her hippy blue top which she said made her look small

Like so many memories... not really shown in photos, but so easily evoked. And you can't help but smile or cry and try to console yourself that at least there was a past

I'm so proud of myself. I just completed one third of my holiday homework! (Of course the fact that I should have been consistently updating my programming log book throughout the term and not leaving it till the last minute will be ignored!).

I am now currently sorting out my birthday presents. Greg and I stayed up till dawn on Friday night opening them and awarding 'best present' and 'worst present' awards... for which Richard's piggy diary came in first for best present, although I really thought the scarves from Jun Ling and Sue Yen were definitely my ideal present (I love useful things!) and Daryan's batik coloured sand monkey won worst present hands down! (I'm so sorry captain, but really the moment we saw the monkey there were just no contenders! hahaha... but I must say we had alot of fun trying to hit each other with the poor monkey. It makes an awfully good weapon!). Ok there was also one more contender for worst present... which was the bottle of Chanel perfume which smelt rather strange until we realised that the words 'pour homme' were printed on the box. I'll have to forgive Choo, Chua and Teck Hui for not knowing French, I suppose.

I've also managed to collect a significant number of angpows, for which I guess went to my birthday dress... no sorry, dresses... and there is just enough to go back to london and buy the one thing I've been longing to get for so long. The Les Miserables piano score! Can't wait to hit Foyles.

Hmm... I don't know if Trinh reads this blog but anyway... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TRINH!!!

Dear 2004...

It's been strange having 2003 sweep by just like that. As if it wasn't a proper year at all. The days went by so unconnected with either huge pockets of idle time or little flecks of unforgetable moments. If there was a year I could just forget about... it might be 2003, and yet if there was a year where my own self confidence and respect came back to me... it might be 2003.

Thinking back... 2003 felt like a twilight zone. Not having the usual academic schedule turned the months and dates slightly topsy turvy. Starting university in the last quarter of the year (after 13 years of Jan - Dec academic years) made the year feel rather skewed. Then there were the 9 months of sheer bumming around. Sure I picked up the violin, I learnt basic French, I brushed up my Mandarin and I studied for A Levels Econs in 5 months and turned up with an A which helped to repair my battered and bruised self esteem, but still where did time go? There were the occasional trips back to Singapore, BTC, interning at Motorola, Odacia... but still the year felt lifeless. Maybe time loses its essence when you're not in a routine. And there was of course the painful absence of Greg and learning to cope with moving on and starting a new life all over again (I've perhaps never cried more in my life than I did in 2003) There was the hesitations when the acceptances for both Brown and Imperial came. The tedious process of scholarship interviews. The griping fear I felt of going to Imperial and not knowing anyone and not knowing that I would come across the crazy bunch of Linsteadians that I am so fond of now. And now 2003 has left and I'm standing in between here and there.

But 2004, since we've only just met... maybe you'd like to consider some favours my way... before you really know what I'm like. Because maybe I don't want to be me anymore. Perhaps I need a change. To look at things from a different perspective. To learn from the stumbles and falls of 2003 and to grow on from the opportunities laid out in front of me.

So here's my 2004 wish list:
1. Maybe I've been too dependant on Greg for too long. Maybe I need to find friends I can open up to, and stop hiding everything inside of me.
2. Maybe I've been too idealistic, too romantic for my own good. Maybe I need to wake up and live in the real world.
3. Maybe I should start taking my course seriously and do all my tutorials on time.
4. Maybe I should stop being late and realise that punctuality and not procrastinating will not kill me.
5. Maybe I should try keeping in touch with friends and make time for people I normally push aside.
6. Maybe I need to be more discerning about the things I say and do and how they affect everyone around me.
7. Maybe I should keep that adventurous odac spirit with me... carpe diem!
8. Maybe I need my head to remember, but my heart to forget.

It's perhaps alot to ask from you, but I'm doing my part in asking alot from myself. Especially this year.